Tips for visiting the terminally ill

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amother

Fri, Jul 11 2014, 9:48 am

I unfortunately have a relative who is terminally ill who I have been putting off visiting....probably because I'm not sure how to act in that situation.
She's most certainly not sitting there feeling sorry for herself so I'm sure the visit would just be the usual chit chat but the underlying lingering of the inevitable is obviously present.

Any tips to help make the visit as enjoyable for her (and as unawkward for me) as possible?

skymile

Fri, Jul 11 2014, 10:58 am

I'm sorry about your relative's situation. there is no real advice from me. my father was very sick (although I wish I really knew how sick so I could've relished my visits) when I was 15. the last time I went to see him there was just awkward silence. I couldn't stand it so I just put my shoe on his hospital bed and said "Ta look at my new shoes! aren't they adorable?"
I recently went to see my grandfather who is very sick although not terminal (I hope). I'm more mature now at the ripe age of mid twenties Wink

and we just had normal conversation about what's going on in my life, about the family, work, etc. I took some pictures of my family so he could have it by his bed and I also took food.
I think what's most important is presence...

zaq

Fri, Jul 11 2014, 4:21 pm

Take your cue from the person you're visiting. If she wants light chitchat, go with it. If she wants DMC, she'll steer it in that direction.

Kugglegirl

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 12:09 am

It will be easier once you are there.

If she can still see, bring photos of people you both know, recent or from the past. Or other mementos to look at.

It's OK to just have some "normal" moments.

Take your cues from her about how much energy she has for the visit. People don't always have a lot of energy for emotional sharing with every visitor. They don't always have something profound to leave you with.

Her emotions may come later, after you go home. You may hear later from her caregiver or child how much the visit meant to her.

freidasima

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 12:56 am

Tell her how much you care for her and love her. Hug her, touch her if she doesn't object and if you are the hugging kind. Hold her hand. Bring her something. Talk to her if she wants and just hold her hand in silence if she doesn't. Tell her "I just wanted to be with you a bit". And smile and let her do the rest.

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