Never received a Baby gift from my MIL

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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

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amother

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:07 pm

Hi I never received a baby present from my mil, my baby is a few months old. Shall I be offended? I wonder what her thought are..... Why she's not buying.....

kelsorino

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:29 pm

I didn't either. Same situation. Maybe it's normal?

observer

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:30 pm

I never received any baby gifts from my mil. Never thought to be offended.

out-of-towner

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:30 pm

Oh goodness! Another one of these threads?

Seriously people...no one OWES you anything (unless you actually work for it ie at a job..then your boss owes you your wages)! Not a baby present, not monetary support, not a down payment. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

If you lower your expectations, you will be much happier!

amother

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:31 pm

Maybe we share a mil Wink

I don't think it's normal, I think it's selfish. Wish she would just buy anything, for the thought....

cfriedman2

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:31 pm

I didn't know that was a thing. My inlaws did buy me my stroller and car seat but I wasn't expecting it. Expectations often lead to disappointments

amother

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:33 pm

She dosent owe me anything , but she had a grandchild, she should show some excitement....... And im always buying gifts for her and her kids...

watermelon

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:35 pm

My mil never gave me any baby gifts either. Can't say it didnt/doesnt hurt me a bit and make me wonder... But it is what it is. What

citimom

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:42 pm

Could it possibly be that she is simply "afraid" to buy you anything because your taste is fancier or different than hers? My mother in law tells me all the time that she would buy me things for the kids but doesn't bec she thinks I won't like anything she buys. I appreciate her honesty and every now and then she will take me to bed bath and beyond or target and pay for the stuff I was planning to buy anyway. I'm very appreciative of her thoughtfulness. Would you rather she buy you something that you feel "forced" to put on the baby when she visits? She might also assume you have everything you needed. Why should she spend money when it's not necessary?

kelsorino

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:43 pm

Obviously no one owes us mothers anything but I think it's the socially acceptable thing to do. If a friend of mine got me a gift for every child I had I would be mortified if I didn't get her a present for hers. When you go out of your way to get your mil flowers every mothers day, anniversary and birthday and receive nothing when you have a child (especially a first and need soooo much!) It's definetly insulting.

out-of-towner

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:46 pm

kelsorino wrote:

Lehafoch! A mother (and MIL for your DH) you are OBLIGATED to give Kavod to. A child and child-in-law should do that simply out of Hakaras HaTov, and Kibbud Av V'Aim. A parent is in no way obligated to give anything to their child. It is not a two way street!

What is it about this generation that thinks that we are owed everything on a silver platter? Honestly!

allrgymama

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:46 pm

She may not realize that you're expecting one.

Gifts for any reason are a big deal in my family, not all in my husband's. I have gotten exactly one gift from my MIL for my children in the six years that we're married.

amother

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 9:53 pm

yes, but when your fil spoke to your dh a few days after the baby was born and offered to pay to send you to the kimpoturin home, you just went and didn't even thank your mil it. It was her money too that paid for you to go.

lady53

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 10:31 pm

allrgymama wrote:

This. It took a long time before I realized that my family gave each other gifts as a way of saying "I love and care about you". DH's family DID NOT. I was initially hurt, but I got over it. Maybe you can ask your DH about the gift-giving-culture in his family. If your MIL gave baby gifts to her other kids but not you, then its a whole other ball game.

Also, I don't think the OP has a sense of entitlement. Its common courtesy to give someone a baby gift, even if its a onesie you found on sale at Marshalls for $3. Wrap it in some tissue paper and be a mentsch. If you can't afford a gift, then you should be making them a meal. A woman had a baby, for crying out loud. If thats not deserving of kavod, then I don't know what is.

amother

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 11:13 pm

I'm really bad at gift giving. Even just a birthday party for my 1st grade sons classmate. I don't mean anything by it, I just am not good at remember to give one, at buying one, etc.
I give in other ways.

My mother doesn't give presents but will pick up things I need and pay for them, my mil doesn't even do that! But it doesn't bother me because I know it's not done viciously.

Everyone has their Good points and their weak. When you acknowledge them you don't get as upset. Imo.

groovy1224

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 11:22 pm

out-of-towner wrote:

I know a favorite topic to rant about on imamother is entitlement..But I really don't think that's what this is about. Unless I'm missing the OP, it isn't about oohhh I want a baby stroller, and fancy clothes, and a crib and blah blah blah.I just know that the day I have a grandchild will be a special day for me, and I will want that baby to own something that he can say 'this came from my grandma when I was born.' I would want to be as part of that huge Simcha! When you see a new baby, don't you just want to run to the nearest baby store and pick up ask the cute fuzzy blankets and towels and rubber duckies and teddy bears?? Kal V'chomer your grandchild!
So yeah, I'd be a little insulted if my mom or MIL didn't feel that way about my child. Not because of the stuff..But it's just a big deal and it's odd to just let it go..

groovy1224

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 11:24 pm

amother wrote:

Whom are you addressing, oh vague anonymous one?

out-of-towner

Sun, Jul 13 2014, 11:42 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

Nope! That's the way I grew up. $$$ was tight and we didn't just get gifts just because. We got them because there was a need or reason. We acknowledged the excitement in other ways.

Well, not exactly, but this is my point.

I feel like this thread is about entitlement. Sure, it would be nice if your MIL gave you a gift, but it being a sign of acknowledgement or excitement about a baby? I don't know! Some people are like that, but some people can be perfectly happy for someone and just not get a gift.

Also, the OP didn't specify what kind of gift she was expecting from her MIL. On this board, there seems to be an expectation of ILs giving at piece of jewelry to the mother after every birth. THAT is most definitely excessive.

Sorry, I grew up in a place where peer pressure wasn't so heavy, that is why I am so gung-ho about this entitlement thing...I think it's totally societal.

amother

Mon, Jul 14 2014, 12:59 am

Wow, ok op here . This is not my first child and I don't expect much , hardly got anything for the first one either but like someone said, yes when I have my own grand kid iyh " I will want to buy something, even if its just a small onesie or something. Im always giving her gifts for yom tov etc.... It would just be common decency of her to give me something. Acknowledge your grandchild , or if u dont want to do that, then come visit or invite us to your house. I just feel like she has no interest at all and dosent even care, by giving a small gift she would show something,.......

amother

Mon, Jul 14 2014, 1:01 am

groovy1224 wrote:

Op here, u worded my thoughts completely! Ty

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