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Divorce agreement



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mommyoftwokh




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 12:02 am
Is it normal for a father to have upsheren to himself ?
And he will make sure mom is invited!!, after all its my bb that's reaching that
Milestone and who helped him get there if not for me !!
Is this ridiculous? Or am I just emotionally stressed out from this whole agreement
, pls help me out , I'm looking forward to all ur support , especially mom's who have been
There.
Thanks
a single mommy
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Learning




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 1:24 am
I didn't understand what is the agreement.
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mirror




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 1:26 am
Deleted.

Last edited by mirror on Mon, Jan 25 2016, 8:49 pm; edited 1 time in total
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blossoming




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 2:15 am
Let him make one and you make one. He has his people and you have yours.
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lkwdlady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 2:41 am
can he begin the hair cut and then you take over to finish and party?

Or maybe he can take him to yeshiva to start off and then you get the rest?
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Tablepoetry




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 2:43 am
Not normal.
You can only have one upsherin, right? You need to organize this together.
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blossoming




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 3:10 am
Tablepoetry wrote:
Not normal.
You can only have one upsherin, right? You need to organize this together.



Why can you only have one? Each side will snip off a little, as you anyways go to the barber later.
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smilingmom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 7:15 am
I am very sorry for your situation.
You are right to be concerned about the upsherin, if it is important to you. Some people don't have that minhag, but if you do, this milestone should be celebrated by both of you. There are some great suggestions above for doing that, or you might split it up other ways. One of you goes to cheder with son and has party there, the other has party with haircut.

An agreement has to be something you both agree to. You must be comfortable with every line and word in the agreement.
Who is writing this agreement? Is it reflecting your needs and wants? Is it taking into account the children's interest.

Please consider mediating an agreement. Otherwise you may spend the next 20 years litigating in bais din or court.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 7:27 am
Someone appears to have control issues.

I wonder what is in this agreement about Bar Mitzvah and wedding.

Unless there are hashkafic differences behind this stipulation? Are the two of you in agreement about what an upsherin would be?

I can't imagine signing an agreement that gives one parent full authority and control over a child's life cycle event. Both parents have to work together in the best interest of the child. Who drafted the agreement, and what do your legal advisors say?
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:50 am
The time to work these things out is NOW, don't wait for the Bar Mitzva when your child is old enough to understand and be hurt by these things.


Can you do the Upsherin in a neutral place? Relatives of mine in this situation made an upsherin in the party room of a local dairy restaurant, and both sides were represented - grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. It ended up being as nice an affair as could be, with lots of presents for the little guy.

And his older brother's Bar Mitzva was nice, too, with everyone being peaceful in the interest of the Bar Mitzva.
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mommyoftwokh




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 10:38 am
Thanks to all of u who answered
, his Dyan or rabbi whatever he calls him made the agreement but it's not final,
I have the right to change around whatever I want but I was warned it can take a few
Years, they r like threatening me .....
Does this mean that I have to agree on everything this man says ? Or should I take the
Risk and start arguing around, it's been almost 2 yrs since our separation and he's
Finally decided to give a get, if it's true Sad
.and about the upsheren thanks to all of u, I'll work something out, if he agrees of course !
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bnm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 10:45 am
from the 3 I have seen the father got complete control. My friend made a party the night before, then got her son back from regular visitation with his hair cut and some gifts, first time he ever got a gift from the ex part of the family.
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abby1776




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 10:48 am
Dont agree to anything without having a professional either a lawyer or a rav who is on your side look at it.

Dont let them pressure you.

Dont let them scare you.

You have rights. Especially if you are in the US.
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Learning




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 2:15 pm
Have your own Dayan look at the agreement. You can't judge by yourself if the agreement is fair.
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mdoif




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 8:58 pm
What about the rest of the agreement, is it to your liking? How set is your ex on the upsherin?

If you're satisfied with the rest of the agreement and you ex is set on the upsherin, you have to think wisely whether it is worth fighting, thus hindering the procedure. Oftentimes people spend far too much time trying to win what's 'rightfully their's' instead of doing what would be best for themselves and finding a compromise.
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mommyoftwokh




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:01 pm
Of course I wouldn't make a big deal out of this if the rest of the agreement would b ok,
This is just one of the minor things that I'm worrying about.....
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bnm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:05 pm
HUGS. I don't know what else to say. My friend signed a horrible agreement just to get her get. I didn't want to get involved but I told her once that now is the time to fight for it. She is just hoping her ex remarries and looses a lot of interest.
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mommyoftwokh




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:10 pm
That's exactly what Im praying for... let him remarry somewhere in India or anyplace where he won't bother me or the kids, they suffered enough!
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mdoif




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:15 pm
mommyoftwokh wrote:
Of course I wouldn't make a big deal out of this if the rest of the agreement would b ok,
This is just one of the minor things that I'm worrying about.....


If so the OP is rather moot, as the entire agreement has to be reworked. As a rule of thumb there is generally not any one point that is worth making or breaking an agreement over, unless one is more interested in winning than being happy.
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mommyoftwokh




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:20 pm
I have just received the agreement so it's open to arguments ,, it's not final that's why I asked for advice,
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