sleeping in my bed

Marz613

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 12:31 am

okay, things are getting out of control. I have a 5 year old who has been coming into my bed every night for about 3 years - on and off. we almost always take him back, but he comes back. there have been periods that this stops. now my 2 1/2 yr old is doing it also. they are both coming in, we keep bringing them back, and they come back. I am nursing an infant also. I am sooooooooo annoyed. I cannot sleep and my back kills, there;s no room for everyone! there is no room to put a mattress on my floor, my bedroom is tiny. I can't sleep in their room b/c of the baby. it is not fair for dh to sleep in there room, even though he would totally do it. everyone needs to sleep in their own beds. I have older kids who sleep in their beds every night, and do not come out. why are these 2 kids waking up several times a night, and coming into my bed? should I start locking my door? I know people will say I'm nuts and it's dangerous, but I am getting ZERO sleep. neither is dh. neither are these kids and they are exhausted the next day.

MaBelleVie

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 12:41 am

I truly feel for you, but please don't lock them out. That would be horribly traumatic. Try to figure out how you can make them feel safer in their own beds: would they feel better if an older sibling slept in the room or even in the same bed with them? Do they have flashlights or light up animals in their beds? Do they sleep with the door open?

The older one is definitely old enough to troubleshoot with you and try to come up with ways that would make him ok staying in his bed.

Marz613

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 12:52 am

thank you. we've been working on this for 3 years. we're done charts, incentives... nothing works. I am honestly just thinking about giving them our room and me and dh moving into their room with the baby. it's getting insane. we can't function as parents with no sleep.

MaBelleVie

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 12:58 am

Charts and incentives generally don't work when they have a need that is not being met. Have you tried other strategies focused on helping them feel safe in their own beds?

Marz613

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 1:13 am

yes. dolls, toys, nightlights. the door is open. I let them sleep with the light on. they are NOT scared. they just want to sleep in OUR bed. it's not about us. I have a guest room in the basement, I told dh that the function of my room is to get sleep, but since I;m not getting any, I'm moving to the basement and these kids can have my room. I'll see if that solves it, I cannot go on getting no sleep.

Success10

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 1:52 am

My oldest is 4, we haven't really slept a normal night since she was born. Everything you said, kids in our beds, up, sometimes for hours, sometimes ask for food. Once I made a mental decision to accept this as par for the course of parenting, I felt better about it, and stopped trying to fight it. We let our older one sleep with us all night, and dh goes to the little one at night. I'm still exhausted in the mornings, but I'm not as frustrated with the situation, thinking everyone has it better. I know I will miss it one day.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 3:17 am

What happens when you say "NO" and put them back? Do they get up again and giggle, or do they tantrum? If they just try to act cute, then you need to be firm with them. If they tantrum, then you need to try to get to the bottom of the issue.

My DD is 11 now, and she's still sleeping in my room! I've tried forever to get her to sleep in her own room, but she has terrible anxiety. She's been through intensive therapy, and I don't want to start her on medication, so I just caved in. If I made her stay in her room, she would literally cry for HOURS, kick the walls, scream, and eventually makes herself throw up. Good times. Confused

I moved DH into her room across the hall, and moved her bed into my room. DH snores like a chainsaw, and gets up at random times of the day and night anyway, so it actually works for us. He kind of likes having his "man space" anyway.

Good luck. If you figure it out, let me know!

Shoshbee

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 11:57 am

Hi OP,
This exact same thing happened to us - and we eventually figured it out.
My 6 year old and 4 year old were constantly coming to my bed in the middle of the night - and we tried everything. Then we thought like they think: why sleep on a reasonably thin foam mattress on wooden beds (but good quality ones!) when you can go sleep on a Simmons Pillow Top? Our beds are so vastly more comfortable than theirs that I would also go sleep there Smile

So we went and bought them good beds - grown up beds. The problem stopped right there.
Hope it helps

xx