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Is this consequence ok?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 8:24 am
Ds helped himself to breakfast this morning- he ate his lunch that I packed last night! This is not the first time he has taken food he wasn't supposed to and I have talked with him before about asking what he can have at a given time. Now aside from the fact that I make lunch te night before in order to make the morning easier, since its a fast day, I was that much more disinclined to prepare a new lunch. So I just sent him off without any lunch and told him why. He won't go hungry, the camp has cereal and milk for those who forget/won't eat their lunch. He will be disappointed enough that I think he'll get the message. Is it bad that I sent him without lunch?
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 8:28 am
How old is your hungry DS?
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 8:29 am
I think I would have sent him with a bag of cereal, and milk if it was practical.
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 8:31 am
I think it's fine, since you said they will offer him food so he won't go hungry, but I think the bigger problem her to address is why he feels the need to eat his lunch for breakfast? Is he still hungry after breakfast? You may want to reevaluate, and see if maybe he ways a bigger breakfast and smaller lunch, or big breakfast and big lunch. Kids don't usually eat because they're bored (that's an adult habit), so if he's taking extra food I would assume it's because he's hungry.
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observer




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 8:32 am
I would not have sent him without anything, I think that sends a very uncaring message. I think you could have sent him with something very basic, like plain ricecakes.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 8:33 am
It's not like he took candy and soda .... my kids have done that before I came down in the morning.

So what if he eats a sandwich for breakfast? It can't take long to spread something on 2 pieces of bread just for him. He probably prefers a sandwich over cereal. Maybe you can teach him how to make his own in the morning for breakfast. How old is he?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 8:40 am
Op here. He's five. He was helping himself to breakfast, which he does from time to time, but instead of taking breakfast food, he took his lunch. It matters because I have other children to get out the door an particularly on a fast day, I'd rather deal with food as little as possible. Maybe I should go to camp with the yogurt and fruit he was supposed to have taken for breakfast?
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manhattanmom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 8:45 am
amother wrote:
It's not like he took candy and soda .... my kids have done that before I came down in the morning.

So what if he eats a sandwich for breakfast? It can't take long to spread something on 2 pieces of bread just for him. He probably prefers a sandwich over cereal. Maybe you can teach him how to make his own in the morning for breakfast. How old is he?


We do sandwiches for breakfast often. It's something that my boys like and I know they will eat. When I know they won't eat the school's lunch and cereal alone is not filling to hold them the whole day.
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manhattanmom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 8:47 am
amother wrote:
Op here. He's five. He was helping himself to breakfast, which he does from time to time, but instead of taking breakfast food, he took his lunch. It matters because I have other children to get out the door an particularly on a fast day, I'd rather deal with food as little as possible. Maybe I should go to camp with the yogurt and fruit he was supposed to have taken for breakfast?


Yes. I think you should.
I wouldn't send a kid without lunch if you're supposed to--and put him with the kids who "forgot" theirs and have to eat a stale bowl of generic cornflakes.
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chayamiriam




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:07 am
Withholding food should never be used as punishment. A child who eats his lunch for breakfast is just hungry maybe going through a growth spirt. Go to the camp and bring him a new lunch that's what moms do!
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:16 am
amother wrote:
Maybe I should go to camp with the yogurt and fruit he was supposed to have taken for breakfast?


I think I would have done this in the first place and encouraged him in his independence in taking breakfast on his own. You may have been slightly inconvenienced but he didn't really do anything wrong. There was another way to look at the situation.
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PAMOM




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:25 am
I agree that you should take him lunch and when he gets home and is having a snack, talk to him. Tell him that he's a big boy for wanting to make his own breakfast and that you had only gotten upset because he had eaten lunch, not because he made breakfast. Tell him that he can definitely make his own breakfast but can't eat anything in the paper bag with his name on it ( or on the bottom shelf or wherever you want to store lunches). You'll be reinforcing his independence and modeling the good habit if thinking about actions and then being able to talk about what caused them.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:39 am
Wow I wish my DD (6) would eat her lunch sandwich for breakfast. I'd gladly make her another one. She takes like two bites in the morning and I feel like I send her off with nothing healthy in her stomach. And the junk they give the kids these days in daycamp......wish she'd want an extra sandwich, or eat SOMETHING substantial in the morning.


guess one Mom's challenge would be this Mom's blessing.
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shana rishona




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:41 am
I understand that the morning rush can be stressful and it doesn't help that you are fasting .But did you ask him why he wants to eat his lunch now and not later ? Maybe he is hungry and breakfast doesn't fill him up? Or he doesn't like what is for breakfast ?Maybe he needs help with getting breakfast? Children only eat real food when they are hungry!He obviously needed that food now! And either way he is going to eat the lunch,so why does it matter when he eats it.In any case it is actually more important that a child eats a filling breakfast than lunch so he can start off his day with enough energy! I would defenitly go bring him lunch and discuss with him that the food that is in his lunch bag, you would like for him to save for lunchtime and maybe give him an extra sandwich, yougurt, crackers etc. in a separate bag(maybe even in a separate zipper compartment on lunch box or back pack) and tell him that this is breakfast snack and he can eat that in the morning if he is hungry but he should wait until lunchtime to open his lunch bag.I'm talking as a preschool teacher who has plenty of school mornings when children come in upset and hungry and as soon as they eat breakfast or have a second breakfast, they are much happier children!
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little_mage




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:43 am
When I was about that age, so I didn't wake up my parents on weekend mornings, my mom used to set out breakfast for me. She'd set out a covered bowl of cereal and leave the milk in this little tupperware pitcher that I could then get out of the fridge by myself. Would something like that work?
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:47 am
I know mornings with getting the kids out are hard, so I am not trying to criticize you. I just think it's ironic that you have a problem with a five year old who is hungry and can't control himself, but you as an adult don't want to handle food on a fast day.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:54 am
amother wrote:
an particularly on a fast day, I'd rather deal with food as little as possible.


Why is it such a problem for you, particularly in the morning? It's not like it's later in the day yet....

I'm asking because my mother was like this and I never understood it (along with lots of meshugasim she had.)

Sorry for sounding critical, but these were just the type of excuses my mother used to justify her neglect and abuse of me and my siblings when we were little.

I cook and bake on fast days with no problem.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 9:55 am
OP here. I brought him breakfast food for lunch and told him since he ate all the lunch for breakfast, he will eat breakfast for lunch (which is true, I'm not going food shopping till tomorrow and I only have enough bread for tomorrow's sandwiches). I think a few people still don't get it- he didn't eat his lunch in addition to breakfast, it WAS his breakfast. He is b'h an excellent eater and very independent, which I encourage, and he does help himself to breakfast and snacks, I'm just trying to get him to understand that while that's very good and big-boy of him, he should be careful what he takes because he may take something I need to cook with later, or all of something a sibling likes and leaving none left etc.
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 10:08 am
amother wrote:
Why is it such a problem for you, particularly in the morning? It's not like it's later in the day yet....

I'm asking because my mother was like this and I never understood it (along with lots of meshugasim she had.)

Sorry for sounding critical, but these were just the type of excuses my mother used to justify her neglect and abuse of me and my siblings when we were little.

I cook and bake on fast days with no problem.


Well bully for you, some of us are poor fasters. I happen not to be fasting today as I'm nursing, but I will be in 3 weeks and I'm quite dreading it. No, I can't cook and bake on fast days, not even early in the day. In fact, we always order in pizza to break fasts, because I can't do much else. Also, letting a kid skip a meal now and then (which isn't even happening here, as OP said the camp has back-up food) as a consequence for food-related behavior is NOT abuse. I went to bed hungry a few times as a kid, and guess what, I learned not to mess around with meals (granted, I would only say this regarding neurotypical kids). Although I do think 5 might be a bit young for this, also it seems it was an accident, had he known not to do it, he wouldn't have.
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 15 2014, 10:56 am
amother wrote:
OP here. I brought him breakfast food for lunch and told him since he ate all the lunch for breakfast, he will eat breakfast for lunch (which is true, I'm not going food shopping till tomorrow and I only have enough bread for tomorrow's sandwiches). I think a few people still don't get it- he didn't eat his lunch in addition to breakfast, it WAS his breakfast. He is b'h an excellent eater and very independent, which I encourage, and he does help himself to breakfast and snacks, I'm just trying to get him to understand that while that's very good and big-boy of him, he should be careful what he takes because he may take something I need to cook with later, or all of something a sibling likes and leaving none left etc.


I understood you.

I think your expectations are too high for a 5-yr-old. If this is so crucial, you should discuss his breakfast in detail the night before, and prepare it, making sure he knows what to take and where it will be. Or else make sure to be awake and available to give breakfast by the time he is ready to eat.
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