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-> Parenting our children
-> Preschoolers
MaBelleVie
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 Tue, Jul 15 2014, 2:49 pm
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Surely there were other foods in the house besides bread and breakfast food.
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5*Mom
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 2:52 pm
| EmesOrNT wrote: | | There was his breakfast food though, so thats what he can eat. |
Right. But that wasn't offered to him. He was made to go with NO food.
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Maya
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 2:52 pm
| EmesOrNT wrote: | | Exactly. There was no more bread. There was his breakfast food though, so thats what he can eat. |
This thread is about a consequence for the child for eating his lunch, not about the fact that there was no more bread. She sent him to school without any lunch as a punishment, and only brought it to him later.
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EmesOrNT
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 2:55 pm
| Maya wrote: | | This thread is about a consequence for the child for eating his lunch, not about the fact that there was no more bread. She sent him to school without any lunch as a punishment, and only brought it to him later. |
She sent him without the food he had already eaten, knowing that the school did have cereal. And I'm sure the kid knew it too.
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MamaBear
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 3:02 pm
OP, did you ask him why he ate his lunch instead of what you usually serve him?
While this may have seemed like a natural consequence to you, I think it was a poor one given his age. A quick applesauce and cheese stick and some whole grain crackers would have taken 1 minute - you could have had him put it together with you while you explained that since he ate his lunch, he needed to quickly help prepare a new one. Or you could have used up the bread and just gone out later, or sent your husband out later or something. These things happen.
On a final note, cereal at the camp is for kids who forget their lunch at home or parents forget to give one. What you did was intentional. And a kid with a good appetite (this is what you said about him) need more than a bowl of cereal all day.
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amother
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 4:41 pm
WOW op im speechless, and even more speechless at some of the responses.
So you were super organized and ds ate his lunch for breakfast. Good for him, he took care of himself!
Thats the price you pay for not being there to serve your 5 yr old a breakfast!
Poor child for getting such a harsh punishment.
I understand how difficult morning rushes can be because I have 4 children ages 6, 5, 2 and 1 but my children sit at the table in the morning and are SERVED a breakfast which includes eggs, grill cheese, tuna vegetables ect. Noones says its easy but I am their mother and would never expect my 6 yr old to help himself to a breakfast.
I love when I send them off with full stomachs and I am always concerned that they should eat properly in school too and therefor make each child sandwiches they enjoy.
I would never, EVER punish a child for eating a healthy sandwich and NEVER, EVER send them off without food.
Please have some heart and dont be so hard on your little toddler.
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naomi2
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 4:53 pm
to the OP,
you did no wrong
the consequence was natural, youve told him not to this before and you knew he would have cereal from camp
BUt- your idea of sending breakfast for lunch was a better choice.
that being said,
if this is recurring, there needs to be some pro-activity here.
before this happens again sit down with him and find out why he keeps eating the sandwiches at breakfast. asking why is the key, then you will know how to meet him halfway. maybe he wants a sandwich for breakfast too etc..
after you've gathered information and let him know how you will try to accommodate, you can set a consequence, such as, if you eat what I prepared for breakfast, you will have to take breakfast for lunch.
now you understand him better and he knows what happens when he disobeys in this scenario.
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oliveoil
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:19 pm
| Maya wrote: | | It seemed to me that you implied that kids should be allowed to eat whatever they want, whenever they want. |
If a kid is hungry, what is the big harm in helping themselves to a bowl of cereal/toast/sandwich/fruit/veggie?
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mummiedearest
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:21 pm
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op, since you know your child is likely to help himself if you don't get there first, why not label things? put everyone's lunches in brown paper bags and write "LUNCH" on it. if you need anything for supper, put a post-it on it with the words DO NOT EAT on it. let your son know that anything labelled in this manner is off limits. I'm sure he'll find what to eat. a five-year-old cannot be expected to ask you what to eat, especially if he wakes up before you or you're not feeling well. just take a few extra seconds to label things, he'll get it.
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shira143
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:24 pm
It's ok, imho. Ds won't go hungry he just won't eat his lunch food because he already ate it. 5, to me is def old enough to get the msg of what food is ok to eat and when.
It's taxing to think you've made enough, or to just make enough and then someone takes an extra portion or just eats it sooner than anticipated.
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granolamom
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:52 pm
| amother wrote: | | OP here. I brought him breakfast food for lunch and told him since he ate all the lunch for breakfast, he will eat breakfast for lunch (which is true, I'm not going food shopping till tomorrow and I only have enough bread for tomorrow's sandwiches). I think a few people still don't get it- he didn't eat his lunch in addition to breakfast, it WAS his breakfast. He is b'h an excellent eater and very independent, which I encourage, and he does help himself to breakfast and snacks, I'm just trying to get him to understand that while that's very good and big-boy of him, he should be careful what he takes because he may take something I need to cook with later, or all of something a sibling likes and leaving none left etc. |
two issues here: his taking food that you needed for another purpose
and his eating the lunch you prepared thus inconveniencing you on a fast day
so to address the first, sure, tell him there is a limited amount of sandwich bread so he gets something else today for lunch. but do send him lunch.
the second, well, that's life with small children. if anything, I'd still make a second lunch and then if you think he is old enough to get this, tell him it 'cost you' 10 minutes so when he gets home, instead of doing stuff with him you will need a ten minute rest while he plays by himself or entertains a younger sibling or whatever. have him pay back the time. but be careful with this so you dont inadvertently create a situation where he will be loathe to help himself lest he inconvenience you.
I like the idea that a previous poster had, about keeping lunch in a paper bag and telling him what's in the bag is off limits. I have a friend who has an 'off limits' shelf in her fridge.
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observer
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 6:44 pm
| kb wrote: | | I don't think it's a terrible consequence at all. People run their homes differently. My 3 year old knows that if he leaves the table during supper, I take the food away, and he doesn't get any more food until breakfast. It's effective. I cannot have children roaming around the house and demanding meals at all times of day. |
Do you not see anything in between, though? I can't either have children roaming around the house during mealtime and demanding meals at all times of day. Therefore, if my 3 year old gets up during supper, I remind her to sit back down and continue unless she is done. She gets a choice- Do you want to sit down and finish eating or are you done? I find that far more respectful than throwing out their food and saying no more till the morning.
Same effect, but in a more respectful way.
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kb
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 6:48 pm
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Observer, I don't throw new consequences on my kids without warning. This was something we discussed... we eat supper at super time. When my son gets up from the table, I ask him if he's finished eating, if he's hungry, and remind him that once he leaves the table there will be no more eating time today. (I like to think I'm a reasonably good mother)
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Shopmiami49
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Tue, Jul 15 2014, 10:10 pm
| deena19k wrote: | | Seriously? Punished for not listening to mommy? How would you like to have to ask your husband permission every time you were hungry? It's not like he broke open the nosh cabinet or something. Maybe he wasn't in the mood for cereal this morning? You never get in the mood for sonething different to eat sometimes? If his mother had been in the kitchen, he could have asked her for something else. But she obviously wasn't around. So he took care of it himself. |
No, I would obviously not enjoy asking my husband for permission to take food. 
I didn't say I have the same rules as OP, nor did I say whether I agree with her rules or not. But bottom line is, she made a rule, ds didn't listen to the rule, and that's that.
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FranticFrummie
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Wed, Jul 16 2014, 1:04 am
| Shopmiami49 wrote: | No, I would obviously not enjoy asking my husband for permission to take food.
I didn't say I have the same rules as OP, nor did I say whether I agree with her rules or not. But bottom line is, she made a rule, ds didn't listen to the rule, and that's that. |
Right, because a 5 yo child is EXACTLY the same thing as your husband.
I think one of the biggest problems with parenting today is that we forget that we are the parents, and that the kids are our kids.
I see nothing wrong with natural consequences, and a 5 yo is certainly able to understand that if you eat something it is gone. In your tummy. Cannot have it again. Period.
If it were me, I might have sent some cheese sticks and crackers, but I certainly would NOT have made another sandwich. If I let my 5 yo make a sandwich, I'd spend the next 10 minutes wiping peanut butter and jelly off of the counters, putting everything back in the fridge, washing the knife, etc. Rushing out the door is not the time to reward a child with a cooking adventure!
Some people have extremely tight food budgets. It has nothing to do with being controlling or obsessive, it's just the economy. If one kid eats an entire box of granola bars in a single sitting, that messes up lunch planning for everyone else. "Just get more" is not an option for everyone, especially if you are dependent on when the paychecks or EBT becomes available. (I don't know if that is OP's case, but I know several families who are in that position, and food DOES have to be rationed very carefully.)
OP, I feel for you. When DD was 5, she was a terrible food sneaker! I always gave her free access to healthy food on demand, but that never stopped her from climbing up on the counters, getting into the very top nosh cabinet, and eating all the Shabbos treats. She would very carefully reconstruct the packaging and put it back exactly the way she found it, so I wouldn't know until the following Shabbos.  Don't even try to tell me she was too young to know better! I seriously considered putting a padlock on one of the cabinets until she grew out of that phase. Now I just don't buy nosh at all until right before Shabbos.
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gp2.0
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Wed, Jul 16 2014, 5:43 am
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"Eat your dinner or go to bed hungry" is so 1890's.
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Ruchel
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Wed, Jul 16 2014, 6:53 am
| gp2.0 wrote: | | "Eat your dinner or go to bed hungry" is so 1890's. |
It's more like "always existed except for 40(?) years".
Me, I don't ask myself punishment vs consequence vs other things. It's not my culture. That said I would have given something to take along, or make him do another easy lunch.
Now, I don't understand why OP was meant to constantly watch her 5 yr old. I don't make sure to always be in the same room as my kids.
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gp2.0
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Wed, Jul 16 2014, 6:59 am
| Ruchel wrote: | It's more like "always existed except for 40(?) years".
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And? Do we need to live in the past? Why not go back to hunter-gatherer days - eat six berries and a turnip now and wait two days before eating anything else. 
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Ruchel
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Wed, Jul 16 2014, 7:06 am
| gp2.0 wrote: | | And? Do we need to live in the past? Why not go back to hunter-gatherer days - eat six berries and a turnip now and wait two days before eating anything else. |
just commenting on so 1890
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the world's best mom
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Wed, Jul 16 2014, 12:32 pm
I didn't read this whole thread, but here's my opinion: It depends how the consequence was presented. If OP yelled at her kid and said, "NOW I WON'T GIVE YOU ANY LUNCH BECAUSE YOU ATE WHAT I PREPARED FOR YOU!" or something like that, that's a problem. But if you calmly explain that you have nothing else to send for lunch so the kid will have to eat breakfast for lunch, that's fine.
I do that almost every day now. I prepare lunches for my kids to take to take, and my 2 year old screams if I pack his up to go. He insists on eating it immediately. He's off dairy and won't eat bread, so I am very limited in what I can send him. He eats Fleishigs for breakfast, and I pack up his cereal and a banana to take for lunch. It's not a punishment, but just a natural consequence. You ate lunch for breakfast, so all I have left for lunch is breakfast food. He's happy with it.
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