Babysitter doesn't change baby - WWYD?

Tekky

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 2:25 am

This has been going on for quite a while and I'm just baffled.

I send my daughter to babysitter every morning for around 4 hours. Every single day when I pick her up, her diaper is soaking, and there's never a diaper "missing" from the amount I send in the diaper bag.

Turns out that the babysitter only seems to be changing real smelly ones - ridiculous! A babysitter should be changing her as soon as it's a bit wet.

I'm really friendly with the sitter and don't want to be all awkward - but my hubby says that I have to care about my daughter before I care about her!

How would you approach this?

5*Mom

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 2:28 am

Directly. "I notice that every day when I pick up dd her diaper is soaked. Please make sure to change her mid-morning. Thanks."

amother

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 4:41 am

I world tell her to change her when her diaper is a little wet because I couldn't leave my baby 2+ hours in a wet diaper. I also would look for a new babysitter.

Shopmiami49

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 4:57 am

Not acceptable.

The only possible far fetched situation that I can think of is maybe she is totally dry most of the morning and then drinks a lot right before pick up? If so, it could be the babysitter doesn't notice if she is only wet right before you come. But like I said, it's far fetched.

Mention it to the babysitter. Awkward or not, your baby comes first before your friendship.

OOTforlife

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 5:05 am

I would not bother trying to tell her anything. Your husband is right. Time for another sitter.

I see it this way, there are two possibilities:

1) she sincerely believes it's acceptable to only change really smelly diapers. If so, she is simply not competent to care for children and I expect there are many other areas where she does things in an unsafe, unsanitary, or otherwise inappropriate way.

2) she does not believe this, but is telling you this because she does not like to change diapers or does not have time. If so, she is surely cutting corners elsewhere, almost certainly at the expense of safety and hygiene.

amother

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 5:07 am

I'd get a different babysitter ASAP. One that prioritizes the baby's needs. Not changing a diaper can lead to diaper rash etc

amother

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 5:09 am

I'd tell her my pediatrician advises changing the diaper regardless every two hours. And I'd switch anyway -- someone who needs to be told this is not in tune with my baby and providing the type of care I want for my baby,

hugs and hatzlocha

octopus

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 5:12 am

just wanted to chime in that not changing a baby's diaper is considered neglect. I would switch in a heartbeat. It is more complicated because she is a friend. In that case, you need to tell her you've noticed that none of your diapers that you send are used. Your dd NEEDS to be changed. I liked what other posters said about every two hours. If it happens again switch asap.

manhattanmom

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 5:30 am

Totally agree with everyone here.
You need to come out and outright question her. You shouldn't have to say" my pediatrician says......" because this is something that should be obvious.

And please don't let the fact that you are a friend of hers be in your way.

mandr

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 7:37 am

Do you really change your baby's diaper every time it gets a bit wet? I don't know how old your baby is but my baby is about 9 months and if I'd change him every time he gets the slightest bit wet, I'd use about 20 diapers a day. That isn't normal. And what do you do at night? Most people don't change their baby's diaper every hour in the night unless they are dirty. If a diaper is dirty then it should be changed immediately, but wetness? I don't wait till the soaking point, but enough wetness that the diaper doesn't feel crinkly anymore.

PAMOM

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 8:29 am

My dd has very sensitive skin and got yeast infections and a lot of plain skin irritation if she was left in a wet diaper. Bh, she was a terrific sleeper after first couple of months and I could change her even while she was sleeping. You can say you're concerned about rash /irritation / yeast infection so please change her every 2 hours . I wouldn't change babysitters -- many good parents don't change for a slightly wet diaper if it doesn't bother the baby. There are so msny more important concerns with a babysitter ! As long as she does as you ask, I think you should consider the rest of the factors ( level of care ) before changing sitters

sky

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 8:33 am

I would say "Please change her before her nap." This way there is a definite time for changing.

Now that I think about it I don't always change my kid's diapers every 4 hours. Especially if they are only eating every 4 hours. I normally change diapers in relation to feedings or naps. Especially the older they get the less often they get changed. I definitely don't change my kid's diapers every 2 hours, not even newborns, unless it is dirty. Is that neglect?

Chayalle

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 8:40 am

I had this situation with a babysitter, and I was shocked when I talked to another mother and she felt that if her kid was being watched and played with and not harmed, a soaking diaper was not terrible.

In any case - for me it was also a friend, and was very uncomfortable. I told her that I want her to change my baby periodically, and she complied for a while...and then let it slip and I had to start again....it surprised me that there are those who believe it's ok not to change wet, she told me the diapers soak it up, etc.....This was someone who was very loving and caring in all other respects. She even felt it was a waste of diapers to change to often! I told her I was happy to pay for diapers and I want my DD changed. Period.

I ended up pulling out. I have to be comfortable with the standard of care my child is getting.

OOTforlife

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 9:37 am

This is not a case of letting the baby spend an extra 15 minutes in a mildly wet diaper. It's not about one or two random four hour periods without a change. This is a sitter who NEVER changes a baby who spends four hours a day with her. The OP says there is a soaking diaper at the end of "every single day" and "never" a clean one missing. And when she's called out on it, she thinks it's fine.

mandr

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 9:54 am

Why did the OP just wake up about this, if it's so concerning? I mean, the first time it could be a fluke. The second time also? And the third time??

5*Mom

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 9:57 am

cfx wrote:

Thanks for the encouragement. Now I just need to face her... going to be really sticky, but it's the obious thing to do

Really? I thought everybody was grossly overreacting but if you're finding it *really sticky* to tell your babysitter to change the baby's diaper, other things here are probably not okay as well. That would give me pause.

MamaBear

Thu, Jul 17 2014, 10:55 am

If you're otherwise happy with her, then nicely tell her she needs to be changed mid morning. Don't overcomplicate it. If the situation continues, then you end the relationship. People need to accept criticism and be willing to change. If she does so, then that's that. I don't consider this issue a massive flaw in her judgement.

Speaking up on behalf of your child is part of motherhood, try not to be sensitive about it.

One more thing: my kid goes from dry diaper to massive wet one right before lunch every day. She must hold it in for a while and then let out her whole bladder. I don't thing the suggested scenario from a PP is so far fetched but the babysitter should have caught on by now.