Why didn't she shake my hand?

amother

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 12:43 pm

I was at a social event in my town there other day with a lot of other Jewish moms and their kids. I live in a small community where everyone knows each other and there was a new Mom there, so I went over to introduce myself. I work in the professional business world, so I am used to extending my hand and shaking hands of new people that I meet, especially women as there is no negiah issue.

I extended my hand to this new frum woman and she wouldn't shake my hand! I am FFB Modern Orthodox with very Chassidish family and I have never ever seen this before!

It was really awkward. What am I missing here? Some chumra that I never heard of?

teddyb

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 12:48 pm

not a chumra but I have never seen shaking hands among jewish women in a social setting. granted im mostly around yeshivish/charedi type women but I have never seen it done. (men do it- shake shalom etc, but women not that ive ever noticed)

maybe it wasn't a chumra but just she doesn't usually shake hands so didn't realize? I for one have only ever really shaken hands with doctors (work in a jewish setting)

Learning

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 1:13 pm

Maybe she caught by surprise and she didn't put her hand out fast enough. I also never saw woman shake hands.

monseychick

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 1:20 pm

I would of just put my hand on her shoulder , smiled warmly and said "I'm happy to meet you", and see how she reacted.

Frumdoc

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 1:43 pm

Maybe she had something gross on her hand, baby food/ dirty tissue wadded inside from child etc. Or isn't used to shaking hands as a social norm. I wouldn't bother much about it, just chalk it up as one of life's mysteries.

Certainly wouldn't touch her elsewhere if she isn't comfortable putting her hand out to shake, it is a real invasion of personal space and would make many people very uncomfortable.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 1:46 pm

I've never seen women shake hands, either.

In my MO community, women are very standoffish when it comes to physical contact. You have to know someone really, REALLY well before you can touch them in a friendly way. A hug is a HUGE sign of closeness, and you only get that after at least a year or so of close friendship. For some people, it's just too intimate to touch a person they've just met.

I'm not that way, I'm a very warm and affectionate person, but I've gotten used to it and learned to respect other people's need for personal space. When I do get to be with my huggy friends, I really cherish it because I know it's not fake, and comes from the heart.

MaBelleVie

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 1:56 pm

I shake hands professionally all the time, but in my social circles it isn't done at all. Either we kiss or we don't have any physical contact. Different circles have different social norms, and that isn't a reflection of you as person.

ectomorph

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 1:59 pm

Maybe she's really a transgender male and she's machmir not to shake hands with both genders?

yo'ma

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 2:15 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Maybe she's really a transgender male and she's machmir not to shake hands with both genders?

Op said she's a new mom. Is that even possible Wink

? Don't think so unless adoption.

Last edited by yo'ma on Mon, Jul 21 2014, 2:33 pm; edited 1 time in total

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 2:18 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

Are you Sephardic? By us, only the Sephardim do that, never the Ashkenazic. I find the Sephardic women are much more physically affectionate and less reserved (love them!).

Learning

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 2:32 pm

yo'ma wrote:

Op said she's a new mom. Is that even possible? Don't think so unless adoption.

I'm sure you know it was a joke.

yo'ma

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 2:35 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Are you Sephardic? By us, only the Sephardim do that, never the Ashkenazic. I find the Sephardic women are much more physically affectionate and less reserved (love them!).

And cultural. See my thread http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....heek.

PinkFridge

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 3:09 pm

Learning wrote:

Maybe she caught by surprise and she didn't put her hand out fast enough. I also never saw woman shake hands.

Most likely this. Though I must confess to ectomorph's being tied with the above for my immediate reaction.

amother

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 3:22 pm

Op here:
Thanks so much for all of your replies.
I realize that in informal circles people don't always shake hands. But it seems weird, in the United States, that if you EXTEND your hand that someone doesn't return the favor.

I just didn't know if this was some chumrah that I didnt know about. I've lived in countries where a kiss on each cheek is the common greeting.

Barbara

Mon, Jul 21 2014, 3:39 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Maybe she's really a transgender male and she's machmir not to shake hands with both genders?

Thomas Beatie converted to Judaism?