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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
8yo DD constantly sick



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amother


 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 2:15 am
**In the Southern Hemisphere so school is on now**

For the past couple of weeks DD has had intermittent nausea, sometimes chills, dizziness. She is missing quite a bit of school but always seems to be better at home.

Doc has found nothing wrong, stool sample ok, blood test taken this morning so still waiting on results but she doesn't look anemic.

I've spoken to her teachers who say they can't see anything that should particularly worry her in school. She's a pretty good, responsible kid most of the time and while she can probably do with more attention at home, I find it quite out of character for her to look for attention this way.

So what to do? She insists everything at school is fine, although she admits one of her teachers is strict particularly when she hasn't done her maths homework properly. And if this is the case, how do I go about discussing this with DD?

I want to tell her that acting sick is not the answer except that I believe she actually really does feel sick at random times and then it gets blown up by her making a fuss about it.

How do I approach this by both validating that she feels sick and yet letting her know this can't go on?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 5:39 am
I go through this off and on with DD, who has anxiety problems. I made a strict rule. If there's no fever, no vomiting or diarrhea, no severe cough or cold, then she has to go to school. I may send if she has minor sniffles or is at the tail end of a cold, but I won't send if I think she's contagious.

I tell her that I'll make her a deal. She has to get to school on time, and if she's still really sick by lunch time I'll come pick her up. I have NEVER had to pick her up at lunch. She always gets over it by the time she's settled in.

Another thing that helps, is I tell her that if she is truly too sick to go to school, then she is too sick to go outside and play, too sick to have friends over, too sick to sit up and play on the computer, etc. Staying home is for resting and healing. If she's bored, then she's well enough to get out of bed. That gets her up and dressed faster than you can imagine! LOL

I can validate that she may not be feeling well, and at the same time draw the line between what is a medical issue and what is just her anxiety kicking in. I always show concern when she comes home, asking how her day went, how she felt during the day, and if there was anything going on that she was wanting to avoid. 9 times out of 10 it was a math test.

Try my method, and see if you can find a pattern. Your answer will be buried somewhere in there.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 6:02 am
Frantic frummie I could have written your post!
My daughter is 8. After months of her complaining about headaches feeling sick tummy aches etc and getting the all clear from doctors we made the same rules as you did.
She HAS TO GO TO SCHOOL. At first we said if you are actually throwing up then you can stay home... till we realized that she can make herself throw up. So now the rules are even stricter. She can only stay at home if she has diarrhoea or fever.
If she ever does stay home we make it as boooring as possible. Just resting and reading quietly. And no treats at all. No friends and no watching anything. Magically all her symptoms disappeared slowly over time.
But... we did first do a lot of tests to rule out anything physical.
Good luck
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 6:19 am
OP here

Those rules are pretty much what I had in mind (and what I enforce whenever a kid "isn't feeling well"). It's only because this is the first time that it's ongoing that I'm questioning how to deal with it. The school is pretty good about keeping her there as long as possible, they're not calling straight away. But instead of her giving herself a chance to calm down, she works herself up into a state and then they call because she's lost it, goes clammy, shaky, pale.

Ok, so say I enforce those rules. How do I get to the bottom of this? Should I take her to a psychologist? I can't say we've ever noticed she has anxiety issues but she is the oldest and is a responsible girl. She also has a somewhat sensitive stomach in that she gets travel sick and smells can get to her as well.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 31 2014, 7:46 am
amother wrote:
OP here

Those rules are pretty much what I had in mind (and what I enforce whenever a kid "isn't feeling well"). It's only because this is the first time that it's ongoing that I'm questioning how to deal with it. The school is pretty good about keeping her there as long as possible, they're not calling straight away. But instead of her giving herself a chance to calm down, she works herself up into a state and then they call because she's lost it, goes clammy, shaky, pale.

Ok, so say I enforce those rules. How do I get to the bottom of this? Should I take her to a psychologist? I can't say we've ever noticed she has anxiety issues but she is the oldest and is a responsible girl. She also has a somewhat sensitive stomach in that she gets travel sick and smells can get to her as well.


I strongly recommend therapy for her, and parenting classes for you. That's what we did with DD, and it really helped a lot. The parenting classes teach you ways that you can cope with your anxious child, find ways to soothe her, and how to not get sucked into the drama at the same time.

In my quest to be The Perfect Mother, I found out that I was doing everything wrong! I was so worried about validating her feelings, that she started thinking that her anxiety was a really big deal, and my concern just reinforced it in her head that Terrible Things were happening.

Once I was able to approach her in a calm, firm, and matter of fact way, her anxiety levels went way down. Then I could start talking to her using the techniques we'd learned in our classes. The child's therapy is designed to dovetail perfectly with the parenting class, which is awesome.

Contact your local Children's Hospital, and ask if they are doing courses based on the book "Helping Your Anxious Child". You can buy the book, but without sitting in the group classes you won't get nearly as much out of it. Being with other parents is important, and your child needs to see that there are other kids out there with anxiety too.

Hang in there!
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