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Ppl with summer homes
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amother


 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 1:38 pm
Are people always calling to invite themselves for the weekend or to come for a BBQ on visiting day?
Seriously considering buying one but friends tolde that this seems to happen a lot and I should go in fully informed. I don't think I have those type of friends who would do that, but maybe relatives.
What has been your experience?
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amother


 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 1:46 pm
I am amother because this is about my sister, not me. My sister had this problem the first year or two she bought her home in the country. It was mostly siblings because b'h there's enough to go around on both sides of the family. They wanted some alone time, so they make sure every summer they have at least one or two shabbossim with no guests.
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Lady Godiva




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 1:51 pm
If you have a pool, expect people to invite themselves to come swimming in it. They'll end up hanging out by you before and after the dip. Refreshments on those days might be expected too, usually. LOL
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amother


 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 1:55 pm
It is overwhelming.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 3:03 pm
As a person that rented a summer home in the past you have people in your neighborhood that barely would say hi or good Shabbos to you suddenly expect a free weekend from you. The chutzpah that people have is incredible. I am scared to buy a summer home but my husband is dying to. I say I will turn into a hotel for strangers.
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tovli toraspicha




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 3:31 pm
what about oh, I am sorry we are not having guests this week, but there are many houses nearby for rent- would you like me to get you contact info?
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amother


 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 5:51 pm
amother wrote:
As a person that rented a summer home in the past you have people in your neighborhood that barely would say hi or good Shabbos to you suddenly expect a free weekend from you. The chutzpah that people have is incredible. I am scared to buy a summer home but my husband is dying to. I say I will turn into a hotel for strangers.


So they just get your cell number and call to invite themselves?
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 6:30 pm
amother wrote:
As a person that rented a summer home in the past you have people in your neighborhood that barely would say hi or good Shabbos to you suddenly expect a free weekend from you. The chutzpah that people have is incredible. I am scared to buy a summer home but my husband is dying to. I say I will turn into a hotel for strangers.

I don't understand. Why can't you just say no?
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amother


 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 6:55 pm
Maya wrote:
I don't understand. Why can't you just say no?


Different amother: They put pressure on. You had my sister, how come I can't come? They will pick weekends way in advance. Since you couldn't have me last year because you were booked, I am free any weekend this summer. They tell you how they can't afford to go away and this is their only opportunity. They try whatever they can to pry a weekend out of you. I have had strangers call so I can do a mitzvah. I had you for a meal so now it is your turn. They are obnoxious and don't accept a polite no.

A former close friend is not talking to me because I won't host her sister. We don't even like her sister and her DH and never mind she has a large family.

We like our privacy and peace and we are the bad guys because we don't want to be a hotel.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 7:09 pm
amother wrote:
Different amother: They put pressure on. You had my sister, how come I can't come? They will pick weekends way in advance. Since you couldn't have me last year because you were booked, I am free any weekend this summer. They tell you how they can't afford to go away and this is their only opportunity. They try whatever they can to pry a weekend out of you. I have had strangers call so I can do a mitzvah. I had you for a meal so now it is your turn. They are obnoxious and don't accept a polite no.

A former close friend is not talking to me because I won't host her sister. We don't even like her sister and her DH and never mind she has a large family.

We like our privacy and peace and we are the bad guys because we don't want to be a hotel.


then don't say no politely. say it rudely. it'll work real fast.
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ROFL




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 7:13 pm
Hey can I come for Shabbat too, ok so you don't know me, buti really need to go away and I can't afford, please?
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amother


 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 7:25 pm
How about having to host your own children and grandchildren all the time? How much linen needs to be changed? How many towels in a weekend? How much groceries for cooking, noshing and gala Sunday Grills??? If you own a home...you are either a gracious hostess or deemed extremely selfish!!!

That is exactly why I DON'T want to own a summer home!!!!
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 7:27 pm
Sounds like you should buy a summer home, and tell everyone you are renting it.
L'Hashem Haaretz Um'loah, after all.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Aug 03 2014, 8:53 pm
I own my summer home. I don't host guests all the time. I invite only those people I want to spend time with. I am my own boss. Nobody owns me and nobody calls me to invite themselves. I have married children too. They are respectful and understand that I am a person too. They are grateful to be invited for a single weekend during the summer.
Make sure you send out the right 'vibes' when you purchase your summer home.
It's insane how some people are prisoners of their own friends and relatives and will not buy a summer home even if they really want one, because of fear of uninvited guests. You lay down the law!!
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amother


 

Post Mon, Aug 04 2014, 4:16 am
Imamother that rented summer homes in the past. No I did not have them. Their husbands try to buddy up with DH in shul if they know we r renting in the summer. Otherwise the rest of the year they snob him.

Btw its very difficult to rent a nice summer home in a development for just the weekend. You usually have to take the unit for a month. The developments have rules for the homeowners.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 04 2014, 6:28 am
amother wrote:
How about having to host your own children and grandchildren all the time? How much linen needs to be changed? How many towels in a weekend? How much groceries for cooking, noshing and gala Sunday Grills??? If you own a home...you are either a gracious hostess or deemed extremely selfish!!!

That is exactly why I DON'T want to own a summer home!!!!


you tell your children/grandchildren that you bought the summer home for you and dh. you will have 2 shabbosim per summer open for family to come, and family will be expected to help maintain cleanliness, wash linens(or bring their own), cook, and bring some groceries. if your kids aren't ok with this, I think you went somewhere wrong in the chinuch department. children need to be taught to respect their parents and appreciate the extras.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Aug 04 2014, 8:55 am
I do not own a summer home, but my husband and I work very HARD hours upstate in a bungalow colony. We have been doing this for three years, and every year it is the same. I host various family members for shabbos literally every shabbos. its expected. And visiting day, of course.

Its exhausting. We are both working, and changing linens, making shabbos food- its tiring and really expensive. I feel resentful but how do I say no to my parents, my aunt, my sisters?

One family member came for shabbos already and it was a really hard shabbos. My kids didnt get along with the kids, etc. Well, they want to come again this week. They told me three weeks ago, and how do I say no three weeks in advance? After having some serious pregnancy pains, I told them that I just cant host this week. And I got hung up on.

Obviously, my family does a lot for me and I have to have hakaras hatov and be gracious. But I feel so burnt out from this hosting.

Beware. If you buy a summer home, I would be very clear that you want to have a vacation and that hosting company every week is not vacation. I dont know. Maybe you will be stronger than me.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Aug 04 2014, 9:08 am
I am hoping to buy iy"h

Call me selfish but I won't be hosting anyone except maybe my parents. I can't imagine anyone asking, let alone hanging up the phone, for an invite, or decline invite.

I don't understand why taking care of everyone else comes before you. You deserve to kick back once in a while. U don't owe anything to anybody and don't let them make u feel otherwise!

Certainly don't deprive yourself of a summer home if you can afford one. Just be grateful and appreciative of this gift!
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MMCH




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 04 2014, 9:31 am
my parents bought a big summer home with a pool, about 10 years ago.
we were all so excited, there were no more little kids, so my mother could really enjoy herself.
well she was completely wrong.
my mother worked her hardest for those first few years after she bought it.
she had company/friends/grandchildren, EVERY SINGLE SHABBOS. she worked like a dog. my parents have a ton of friends and would never say no to anyone who wants to come, and she would say she enjoys the company.
finally, when we all got a little older (and smarter) and we were all married, we noticed how hard it was for my mother, we started implementing rules.
everyone has to bring their own linen and towels.
everybody has to pitch in with the cooking- nobody can come empty handed.
someone but my mother has to do the dishes.
and whenever us kids come, we implement a chore system- who cleans bathrooms, vacuums,mops

now I see my mother relaxes more. but if you own, or going to buy, just beware of this.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Aug 04 2014, 10:13 am
We got one this year...

Buy one that is small Smile Our has two bedrooms one for us one for kids.

People still ask all the time. People actually ask us to take the baby in our room so they can have the baby's room.

My husband was firm and said no. Then we left early this year and many people wanted to use it for the time we weren't there second half.

We ended up renting it to a cousin at a good rate. So we are making a few dollars. It isn't really worth it but we could use the money even if it's only a few dollars.

It is annoying that people who we have nothing to do with are coming out of the woodwork but it's sooooo worth it. We don't have a pool so that's not an issue. I wouldn't want a pool it's too much of an achrayus.

It's definitely true what people are telling you OP but definitely still worth owning. We had the most amazing summer so far and wouldn't hesitate knowing what we know now!!!

BUY it's amazing!!!! Just tell people no! You are coming to relax not to become a hotel. or don't buy one with extra bedrooms that way you have no room to host like us.
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