ISO long term overnight babysitter in BP for toddler

amother

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 10:34 pm

I'm looking for a babysitter for my son who is almost two, for a week or two postpartum in Boro Park.

I've heard of names but I don't just want a list of names. I am looking for recommendations of people who are very good or outstanding as my son never really went to a baby sitter he is my first and I am terribly worried about sending him away.

I'd keep him home if I could but I don't have any help and my husband won't even be around during the day either after a day or so he will return to work. I don't have a mother or mother in law nor sisters or sister in laws etc who can help. My friends are in the country etc. etc. I even can't get my cleaning lady to show up to consecutive weeks. Anyone who has a good cleaning lady available Thursday or Friday I'm all ears Smile

I will have to manage on my own and did not have an easy recovery at all by my first. I am hoping this time will be easier. In any case I am looking for a very loving baby sitter who does not take more than 2 kids at a time to watch my son for about two weeks.

If you have any names of babysitters who you know are outstanding please share. I had someone but now she is saying she doesn't really want to do it and my doctor is speaking of inducing me so I need to find someone ASAP.

Thank you in advance for your help with referrals!

Tzutzie

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 11:02 pm

Oliveoil,

Op stated that shes worried and has no help. She also wrote that she doesnt have friends or family to help her at tgis time. And that she had a difficult recovery the first time around.

I dont see you offering to be there and look after her dc1 for these two weeks so dont judge.

oliveoil

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 11:16 pm

Tzutzie wrote:

I'm sorry, even if it's unideal, and the recovery is harder, it's a million times more ideal for her to keep him home.

Do you have any idea what's it's like for a kid to be thrust from his home into an unfamiliar home, with an unfamiliar family for two weeks? A toddler, who has never been to ANY babysitter and has no concept of time? To the child, that is not different than if the parents had died.

I know too many kids who were harmed by this practice NOT to speak up.

amother

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 11:35 pm

oliveoil wrote:

Harmed how?

amother

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 11:37 pm

gila-rina wrote:

First of all beshaah tova. Can't help with babysitter, but in case you want highschool girls to help out I heard Yeled Vyalda might be helpful with that. let me know If you want their number.

Yeled v'yala high school girls? I could use high school girls right now.... sure I'll take their number.

morahaviva

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 11:58 pm

Harmed how? How would you like it if your husband came home and said "I got myself a second wife. But its going to be so hard for me with her at first, and you will only get in the way, so I am sending you away to live with a stranger until I feel I can manage both of you at the same time".

A kid cannot just be sent away to live with a stranger because you had another baby. Its traumatic enough for an "only" to become the "older". But to be kicked out of the house at 2?!? You are much better off getting someone to stay with you at home and help out. Even if it costs more money, sending your child away will cost more emotionally.

And there are plenty of us who managed a second, a third, etc without help, all on our own.

heidi

Sun, Aug 03 2014, 11:59 pm

I won't answer in place of Oliveoil, but must contribute my two cents.
A two year old has no concept of time. You telling him it's only for two weeks, means nothing to him. From what he understands, Mommy and Daddy are no longer there and instead he is being cared for by a total stranger. Even if he meets the babysitter once or twice beforehand, she cannot replace the mommy he loves and depends on.
A child can be damaged by the abrupt withdrawal of all he knows and holds dear. And then to come home (after he has cried for so long and has no understanding that home still exists) to a baby who in his mind has replaced him in his mother's heart. After all, Mommy didn't banish him!
Please please OP, get high school girls, a neighbor, pay a nurse- better for someone else to hold baby and you be there for your two year old who is going to need all the love and constancy that you can give him in this tumultuous time in his life.

amother

Mon, Aug 04 2014, 12:04 am

In bp it's very normal to send away the other children for up to 2 weeks when the mother gives birth. Most mothers aren't capable of catching buses, cooking dinner, doing laundry mad taking care of the baby st the same time. Also, many women go away for a bit to rest up so the little ones can't quite stay home alone.

Try calling Sury iliovitz on 50 & 13. She is very warm and loving. She runs a toddler group by day in her home and takes overnight babysitting.

Orchid

Mon, Aug 04 2014, 12:07 am

heidi wrote:

ITA. Lots of ladies don't live near family and likewise have no one to help after birth. If you are surrounded by ladies who do have that sort of help you start to think of it as an absolute iron clad necessity. It's certainly MUCH more helpful to have help, but the only necessity is that you don't send a two year old (!) for two weeks (!) to a stranger (!). There has to be some other way to get help, as noted above.

Orchid

Mon, Aug 04 2014, 12:10 am

amother wrote:

Is she catching a bus for the 2 year old, in the summer no less?
Can she get a girl to come help and do laundry?
Can't she make PB&J sandwiches for supper (for 10 days straight- won't kill anybody). I've gone through a stage in my life where breakfast, lunch and supper was cereal. Life goes on.
Get a sitter to help with the baby?

Also - OP is not single. She has a DH, just he won't be around all day. Is it inconceivable for him to throw in a load of laundry in the evening when he gets home? Or a pan of chicken? OR SOMETHING??? Why is the only option to have a mother and sisters OR abandon your toddler to a stranger?

What you describe is NOT normal, you just perceive it is because everyone around you does it.

Last edited by Orchid on Mon, Aug 04 2014, 12:13 am; edited 1 time in total

heidi

Mon, Aug 04 2014, 12:13 am

IMHO this is soo important.
If chas v'shalom there was a health crisis, OP's DH would take a week off. To me this is the same thing. If possible, maybe OP's DH could take off a week and help her.
I have had children via c-section and naturally. A week is plenty of time to get back on your feet. In fact, it's a luxury that many women don't have.
But I won't go there.

amother

Mon, Aug 04 2014, 12:14 am

I think all of you who started to use this thread to debate the matter are the ones who are cruel! Not the mother who wants her child to be properly cared for.

This thread was for referrals not for debate and you are hurting someone who is at a very vulnerable time and doesn't really need or want your opinions.

If you really wanted to legitimately debate the matter start a new thread on the topic don't hijack a thread asking for references.

You are the cruel ones!

What do all the people who go to the kimpeturin heim's do? take their toddlers with them? Obviously sometimes children go away. Sometimes cuz the parents go on vacation sometimes for other reasons. I think the op has long stopped reading this thread because all it is doing is causing her undo pain for no reason. You are not helping she said she doesn't want to do it but she feels it's the only way to go for her.

Like I said you are the uncaring ones. Now while she is spending these two weeks recovering all she will be thinking is of the things you have said it's not going to change things so now you are just hurting more people.

heidi

Mon, Aug 04 2014, 12:18 am

Amother, it is beneath me to answer someone too scared to post under her real name. But, in this case I will make an exception.
It is not too late. She has not had the baby yet and we who are probably older and more experienced are trying to give her a different perspective.
If someone would post that they are looking for references to hurt themselves or their family you can bet people wouldn't post names and phone numbers but would try to help her.
Many of us view this the same way.

amother

Mon, Aug 04 2014, 12:20 am

IMHopinion wrote:

Oliveoil, her baby will be ok, as long as the babysitter is devoted and caring.

I do agree however that 2 weeks is a very long time.
OP, is there any way you can send him for only a week?

I may have someone for you, you can pm me.

I have not stated for sure two weeks maybe one week maybe two... It will depend on my healing and I just want to go home and take my ds with me. That is my true desire. My husband won't let so unless you really want to get into my shalom bayis I don't think there is anything I can do. I suggested having someone come here instead but hubby is not really interested but if he lets I definitely will do that.

Last time I was actually in the hospital for a week after I gave birth. I had a difficult pregnancy, labor and recovery the recover being the hardest. It still took me another 4 weeks before I was starting to recover.

For all of you voicing your opinions on the matter I am not longer reading what you have to say. Start a new thread get a life take care of your own kids etc. I can't read this anymore because this is very hard for me and I don't have a choice. I wish I had someone to come and help me. If you want to come help me then come on over. I'll pay you. but I can't be up all night taking care of a newborn and all day with my son. I don't know how my husband can get time off work. He would probably get fired. He can't just take off work for a week because his wife has a baby.

If the child doesn't know the difference between a week or two then why would it matter which one it is? Once they get accustomed to the new place won't they be happy there?

amother

Mon, Aug 04 2014, 12:22 am

heidi wrote:

A week meaning what? meaning sending the child away for a week is ok? Ok so for a week.. Do you have a reference for one week?