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Help. At wits' end :(
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 06 2014, 9:20 pm
I am seriously at the end of my rope and there might be a noose there. I am so overtired and frustrated I am yelling things at my kids that I never wanted to and not really coping at all. My almost-2-year-old is delicious, somewhat obedient, and blessedly articulate, but she is driving me so crazy and I have just run out of ideas to deal with her! Two main issues:

1. Stupid reckless behavior. Jumping on beds. Climbing in and out of crib - headfirst (she used to do it safely. No more.) Climbing anything. Pulling big sister's hair. She has had natural consequences in the form of injuries, the impression does not even last 15 seconds before she goes at the same thing again. This idiocy they call human childhood is unbelievable! You just cried like a banshee because you banged your head on the wall, so now you're going to bang your head on the wall AGAIN?! She has had parent-imposed consequences - same result: cries hysterically, continues to do same thing as soon as released. I'm not even sure anymore what appropriate consequences are... I've tried time outs in crib, in different room, on my lap. She just gets so WILD sometimes. And yes, our home is fairly safe, but I'm not going to throw away all the beds just because I am tired of taking her down from jumping on them. She is VERY persistent though, and when I take her away from what she's doing she cries very intensely. Every time. forever. AAAAARRRRRGH.

2. Sleep. We have been through this before here and we are STILL going through it. I made a huge leap of progress a few weeks ago by teaching her how to fall asleep in the crib, which is still a pretty lengthy procedure some nights but an improvement anyway. Though it breaks my back reaching in there to stroke her down, which she demands. Some nights she pops back up in middle of this and starts climbing in and out, see item 1 above. Anyway she sleeps in a crib now. When that was achieved, I thought great, now I just need to wean her gently off the middle of night nursing. There was progress there too - instead of nursing for an hour to get her back to sleep, I'd nurse her for a few minutes and then she'd stop and return to sleep in the crib. Well, the last week or so has been a gradual but complete regression. Last night she woke up at 12, 1, 2:30, and 5:30. At 1 I managed to put her back to sleep without nursing. The other times she DEMANDED it and would have woken up DH and DD3 if I didn't give in, plus she wouldn't stop for ages until she was really asleep again. Needless to say this does not leave me with very much energy and patience to deal with all her item 1 mishigas all day, especially toward evening! And our bedtime routine is falling apart too because I am falling apart.

HELP! What now Sad I'm really truly losing my mind. I think it's only miracles that keep me from injuring her sometimes. Oh, and she almost always gets hysterical if I try to pass her off to DH when I need a break, which is only even possible a few hours a day. Not distractible.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 06 2014, 9:29 pm
Hug

It's a hard age, but she will grow up... Until then just keep reminding yourself that her behaviors are age appropriate and she truly is not capable of more.

For night weaning, I found that the most effective gentle method was to have my husband take over all night wakings. He wasn't thrilled, but nothing else ever worked. And really, too bad on him Twisted Evil
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 06 2014, 9:38 pm
It doesn't work! She gets increasingly hysterical until he gives up and dumps her on me anyway! And then our 3-year-old is awake too Sad
She is going to kill herself with all this diving headfirst. Age appropriate I can handle, it's the danger I can't!
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bnm




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 06 2014, 10:06 pm
some kids are overactive. anyway to get her to let out some more energy during the day in a safe place? maybe a trampoline?
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 06 2014, 10:08 pm
We have a trampoline. We go to the park. She's not really hyperactive, just undisciplined and temperamental.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Aug 06 2014, 10:16 pm
I wrote a post a little while ago about my wild toddler. He jumps abd climbs on everything, doesn't listen when I say to stop, and will run right back to the dangerous activities even after crying and getting hurt. There were some helpful suggestions, like pulling off couch cushions and giving him a place to jump (on the cushions and on the couch). That really helped. A little indoor gasoline would also be helpful, though I haven't tried it yet.
Can you keep her out of the bedrooms with beds most if the time? I know how frustrating and exhausting it is. Giving my child a date space to be wild really has helped, although he still finds kids if other dangerous things to do. My son fell and cried 3 or 4 times in less than an hour the other day, trying to climb and walking into walls, etc. I feel your pain!
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lk1234




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 06 2014, 10:19 pm
you need to totally distract her. This age they are highly distractable which can work to your advantage. Right now, tonight, come up with a list of 10 things that you can use/do to completely distract her from the bed. example- lets do playdough, lets see you jump like a frog all the way to the door, can you mix the eggs for supper, please help me set the table etc.

As far as the nursing goes, I would go completely cold turkey. No more nursing at night. You can calm her down but DO NOT give in. I would let her cry. It's going to be hard but I don't see any other way.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 06 2014, 10:41 pm
You cannot calm her down when she really wants to nurse. Sometimes she's not so serious about it, like at 1 last night apparently, but when she means it she just gets increasingly hysterical and we're all miserable and I feel like a child abuser (which I now feel like anyway due to yelling at her and DH out of frustration.) I know, I have really tried it, she can go on for ages.

How do I distract her when it's bedtime and she won't stop bopping in and out of the crib?
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the world's best mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 06 2014, 11:14 pm
Everything you are writing is making her sound quite sensory. The over activity, lack of danger awareness and difficulty sleeping are all signs of it. Has she been evaluated for OT? That can help tons.

There is a lot that can be done to calm a sensory child- a weighted vest or pressure vest, weighted blanket, deep pressure massage, joint compressions, holding her upside down for a minute or two, moving her in slow circular movements- but not fast ones. An electric toothbrush is great for sensory input, and vibrating massagers, and tight hugs.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 06 2014, 11:19 pm
One of my kids also got really worked up when my husband went in for night weaning. I really had to push my husband to just stay in there and go through the motions. It took a couple of weeks but with consistency it happened.
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pinkshoes




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 07 2014, 9:03 pm
You my be able to use her verbal precociousness to your advantage...

If she can't sleep at night ask her if she's hungry ( you may not be releasing as much milk as you think), is she scared of the dark (get her a night-light or a white-noise machine), or is she cold (too much air conditioning).

As for her dangerous behavior, you can make personalized social stories for her.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 07 2014, 10:26 pm
So she is finally asleep... will see for how long. And I am fit to be tied, only about 3 hours behind on anything I'd hoped to get done before falling asleep.

It's funny, I always thought of her as being my NON-sensory child - the other one is much more. But ya never know, it does run in the family Sad SIGH. No point getting her evaluated, she's BH developmentally right on track or even ahead of the curve so nobody would diagnose her with anything, and even just looking at sensory she doesn't have enough symptoms to call it anything - only to possibly try some of those things you suggested just in case they help. Weighted blanket or vest sounds like something she might do well with.

I guess I'm just too wimpy for anything that requires prolonged hysterical crying, even with DH trying to soothe her. DH is also not great about this stuff, I don't think he'd be able to pull it off.

Her verbosity certainly helps HER make demands at bedtime. Don't know if it helps me keep up with them... but yes it is definitely easier than if I had a child who was not verbal and could not figure out what they wanted. I thank G-d for this all the time and wonder what I would do if some future kid would be more average. However, her mind is still very much that of an overtired toddler, so what she says does not always work out:
"Needit dink!" OK here's your drink. "NO WANNIT DINK!" OK you don't need to have it. "NEEDIT DINK!" this can go on something like forever, and on any topic. Even when it's not bedtime. Sigh.

Social story is an interesting idea. We do have the 5 little monkeys book and sometimes she hops up onto the bed saying "monkey dumping!" and thinks it's a great joke. Sigh.

I know I'm barely releasing milk anymore. She uses me purely as a pacifier at night. She eats PLENTY at suppertime which is not long before bed, plus nights like tonight when I let her stall because I need to gather strength first she spends the extra time shnorring nosh. I tend to feel hungry when I'm really just tired so frankly I don't know whether to trust a little squirt who demands a fifth helping of cheerios just an hour or two after supper.

AAAAARRRGH. What kills me the most is that I thought I was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel a few weeks ago, I was SOOOO devoted to her sleep training because I really believed this was it, she was learning how to fall asleep in the crib and then we won't have to deal with this mishigas again for a while. It worked like a charm for about 2-3 weeks and instead of getting better it just completely collapsed. Back to square 1. UGH.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 07 2014, 11:19 pm
Just as an FYI, a weighted blanket is not considered safe for a two year old to sleep with. You may find that it helps her settle down at night, but I would only use it under your direct supervision, and remove it when you leave the room.
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Lady Bug




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 08 2014, 12:11 am
If she climbs in and out of the crib and hurts herself, then it's time to move her to a bed (with a guardrail).
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 08 2014, 1:04 am
Lady Bug wrote:
If she climbs in and out of the crib and hurts herself, then it's time to move her to a bed (with a guardrail).

Not if she jumps on beds. I'd recommend putting a mattress on the floor so when she climbs out, she falls on the mattress. You can provide extra cushioning with pillows and a blanket.

I wonder if her molars are coming in. It can be a multi-week process at this age and the pain/discomfort can make them a bit crazy.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 08 2014, 3:53 am
The answer lies in you. You said that you feel like a child abuser sometimes. You are judging yourself and mistrusting yourself and second guessing yourself.

It's very natural to feel like a big meany when you put boundaries in place. But you are not a big meany. Parenting is painful at times. Just wait until they're teens!

You are obviously a good mother and you are only helping your child, yourself, and your family, when you stand firm.

Letting a 2 year old make unreasonable demands and win, isn't good for anyone. You have to be tougher than your kids. They need you to be strong. They need to trust you and see that you are in charge and believe that you will parent them for their good.
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chevi1




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 08 2014, 4:11 am
amother wrote:
I wrote a post a little while ago about my wild toddler. He jumps abd climbs on everything, doesn't listen when I say to stop, and will run right back to the dangerous activities even after crying and getting hurt. There were some helpful suggestions, like pulling off couch cushions and giving him a place to jump (on the cushions and on the couch). That really helped. A little indoor gasoline would also be helpful, though I haven't tried it yet.
Can you keep her out of the bedrooms with beds most if the time? I know how frustrating and exhausting it is. Giving my child a date space to be wild really has helped, although he still finds kids if other dangerous things to do. My son fell and cried 3 or 4 times in less than an hour the other day, trying to climb and walking into walls, etc. I feel your pain!

What is indoor gasoline??!!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 08 2014, 4:16 am
chevi1 wrote:
What is indoor gasoline??!!


Sounds dangerous to me! shock

I assumed she meant to write "trampoline", but autocorrect changed it.
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chevi1




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 08 2014, 4:18 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
Sounds dangerous to me! shock

I assumed she meant to write "trampoline", but autocorrect changed it.
lol Smile
Reminded me of the story a few years ago of the bbsitter that used to let the stove gas leak to put the kids to sleep... Got a little nervous there lol
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 11 2014, 11:03 pm
She has all of her age-appropriate teeth already. A mattress next to the crib would not be enough, the way she hurls herself over when she's hysterical. I just stand there and catch her and reinsert her until my body or brain break down, whichever happens first.

NOTHING IS WORKING.

I just realized that what frustrates me most isn't the situation itself, though that is mighty frustrating and also gives me headaches from all the crying. And stress. But the worst part isn't even that, the worst is that all that stuff that should happen "after the kids are in bed" NEVER happens! "Bedtime" is taking about 3 hours a night and it is so exhausting that when she finally falls asleep I have no energy left for anything, physical or mental. Sometimes after a break I can gather enough energy to start something but by then it's so late at night that if I do anything (which I usually do out of desperation, because how can you go a month without getting ANYTHING done?!) I get to bed myself really late and am tired the next day (not to mention that she is still waking up demanding to nurse twice a night)

I don't think this is simply a matter of me giving into unreasonable toddler demands. I tried not giving in and the level of hysteria is so intense and long lasting there is just no way I could keep it up.

Tonight during bedtime I actually broke down crying aloud asking G-d why He is punishing me like this. (asking for help I've already been doing!) I am neither joking nor exaggerating. I am not the praying aloud type ever, at all. Just THAT exhausted and frustrated and overwhelmed and helpless.
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