How to read the news and not fall into despair

vintagebknyc

Sat, Aug 09 2014, 11:24 pm

avi0903 wrote:

My DH says I read the news too much, too often and too intensely. That's probably true. But it's so overwhelming! I talk to my relatives in Israel and just feel so overwhelmingly sad. I see what's going on in Paris, London, and here in the US. So much antisemitism, so much violence.

What do you all do? How do you not feel like running away? And then it's like, run to where? I want to make aliyah, DH says that's not realistic for us at the moment.

How do you get on with your days? Can you still feel happy and lighthearted? I feel overly consumed by all this, and terribly frightened.

How do you all cope?

I have stopped watching any and all news programs, I have stopped reading anything in the newspaper but the style section. I skim some of the ugly news in my FB feed (so I have a basic idea of what's going on. seriously, skimming). I am not feeling the adrenaline rush, or my heart beating out of my chest. I can breathe, my thoughts aren't racing.

I made this decision actively: did I want to be right? (and follow everything, which I believe is my duty.) or did I want to be happy? chose the latter.

edited for typos. perhaps that should be my post signature.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 12:24 am

Certainly, manage your anxiety level. It doesn't help anything to drive yourself nuts.

We are not helpless bananas hanging from a tree.

Doing just one of these things, just a little bit, is constructive:

Take a simple First Aid course so you can be useful if somebody needs help.
Make a shidduch. Try. Yes it's hard. Try. Try again.
Make a gemach for baby clothes and baby equipment. Make it easier.
Organize resources to help with newborn care. Nurse's Aides. Is there a course? Are there women without children at home who could become involved?
Encourage a non-religious Jew to be religious. We lose far more Jews to this than to bombs.
See if some basic self-defense knowledge might be appropriate for your men, such as Kra.v Mag.a. Buy a treadmill. Buy some free weights or maybe even a bowflex.
Learn about preppin.g for power failures and storms.

DrMom

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 12:36 am

Frankly, as a Jew living in Israel, I am more despaired to read responses like the above than I am to read about growing anti-Semitism in Europe.

The West's reluctance to face reality is a huge contributor to the increasing success of radical Islamofascism. The above responses (hopefully not representative) indicate that Orthodox Jews -- arguably the most engaged Jews among the American Jewish demographic -- would rather bury their heads in the sand than stand up for their Israeli brethren when they most need them.

Write letters to the local papers, write to your Congressional representatives, demonstrate in the streets, think about Israel when you vote, do SOMETHING.

If not now, when?

sneakermom

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 12:50 am

As a granddaughter to holocaust survivors I know the fear.

Of building. A family, spouse, kids, home, bussines, community. Lifetime accomplishments.

Only to have it destroyed. The army invades. And poof it's all gone.

The lucky ones witness it all. Loss it all and survive. Human shells. Left with haunting memories and strangling guilt.

I have thought of this many times. As I got married. BH gave birth to children. And spent all my koach raising them. Feeding them physically, emotionally and spiritually.

For me there is another piece to this. As I come from a background of abuse. And I chose to let that go. And love anyway. Despite the lesson I learned at a young age. That those you love will betray you.

I let go the cycle of shame. And chose to raise my children with respect and attunement. I let go of exploitation of kids. And instead treasure and revere them.

My first child was born only days after 9/11 which only excaberated my fears. How can I venture to raise a child in a dangerous hostile world? What will become of them?

Why do we always choose to do good. Only to be overpowered by evil ? What is the point? How is it fair?

Then the horrific murder of Leiby Kletsky gripped me. A loving mother. Raises a child. He has a bounce in his step and is happy and innocent. And then. The worst occurs. A light is squelched by evil.

Why!!! It's not fair. Where is justice? And inside my anger was directed at g-d. My dear g-d. After the holocaust we came out of the ashes. And instead of laying low and giving up. We got married. Raised yiddishe families. Despite our fear of losing it again. Despite the past. The least you could do is protect us.

Why does a vulnerable mother. Who gives up life and limb to birth a child. Hold that child. Nurture it from deep inside. Only to have it taken away. Tortured and abused.

And as I watch the world go mad. The Muslim facism grip the world. The massive rallies of people with a murderous hatred that are outnumbering the rest of the world.

I fear the future. And my blood boils.

Dear G-D how many times do our people have to be burned, murdered, and defiled? How many times do we have to rebuild. Only to lose it all again? How many lamps will we light only to be extinguished? By forces beyond our control.

True we make mistakes. At times we are blinded. Wounded or self absorbed. But that is the nature of the beast. Collareral damage in being human. It is easy to point fingers and be negative. Just as it is easy to sin. But the truth stand out in our endurance. Warts and all. We exist.

We have shown our loyalty. After thousands of years. Here we are. We have not forgotten you. We believe. And we have sown those beliefs in our children who pass it down to their children. And we live a life that is defined by our convenent to you. We are one. You, the Torah and us, Yisroel.

When G-d are you going to stand up. And defend our honor to the nations. When will you say. STOP! These are my people. They have stuck with me all these years. Through, the loss of their temples, expulsions from their land, inquisitions, crusades, programs, pillages, libels, wars, beheadings, holocaust, and terrorism.

They exist. And as long as they do. They work to make light.

And as the forces of darkness grow. And rumble and roar. May G-d protect us. And stand up. And vanquish the darkness.

Once and for all.

Let ther be peace!

hello123

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 1:20 am

I could have written your post. Word for word. I spoke to someone I respect about this. This is the advice I got: if u cant handle the news dont look at it. I stopped. It just made me extremely anxious. Let your husband see the news. Unless it makes him nervous too. Dont worry abt not knowing whats going on. You will know if you need to know. Trust me in todays technology age. In addition while I also feel the urge to pack up my family and run to israel it may not be practical. I have spoken to my DH and if it gets bad here perhaps we will go. Make sure to have current passports. And another thing (the best thing to do)I try to do often is daven to Hashem for clarity what to do and to feel calm. Hashem is our Father in Heaven. He loves us. Talk to Him. It really helps.

etky

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 1:57 am

sneakermom wrote:

Dear G-D how many times do our people have to be burned, murdered, and defiled? How many times do we have to rebuild. Only to lose it all again? How many lamps will we light only to be extinguished? By forces beyond our control.

True we make mistakes. At times we are blinded. Wounded or self absorbed. But that is the nature of the beast. Collareral damage in being human. It is easy to point fingers and be negative. Just as it is easy to sin. But the truth stand out in our endurance. Warts and all. We exist.

We have shown our loyalty. After thousands of years. Here we are. We have not forgotten you. We believe. And we have sown those beliefs in our children who pass it down to their children. And we live a life that is defined by our convenent to you. We are one. You, the Torah and us, Yisroel.

When G-d are you going to stand up. And defend our honor to the nations. When will you say. STOP! These are my people. They have stuck with me all these years. Through, the loss of their temples, expulsions from their land, inquisitions, crusades, programs, pillages, libels, wars, beheadings, holocaust, and terrorism.

Sneakermom, your post was very poignant and touched me deeply. I relate especially to much of what you wrote about mothering children in this violent world of ours. However, my view on where the Jewish people are today is very different. In yesterday's parsha we read that Hashem will not forsake Israel, despite its sins and will harken back to the brit with our forefathers. This is a theme echoed in the Haftara of Shabbat Nachamu and in the next 6 haftarot of nechama from Yishayahu. I believe that we are living in this period, that Hashem has remembered us and brought us back to our land. We are in a process of redemption which has its own trials and travails but overall we, as a nation, are on a upward trajectory. Even the fact that a huge portion of the Jewish people resides, for the meantime at least, in North America, a place where they are, for the most part safe and prosperous, is a remarkable, positive change over previous centuries of persecution. Never before in history has the Jewish people enjoyed such an auspicious existence in Galut. The process of geula is often described by the nevi'im and chazal as a harrowing one. The geula is often depicted in the context of a universal upheaval. I would like to believe that this is the direction in which the Jewish people and world are now heading. I can't say this allays all my existential, minute to minute fears regarding the present situation, especially in Israel, but it does give me perspective.

freidasima

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 3:16 am

Op I can fully identify but have learned through my own experiences and through family that not keeping up on what is going on around you, full time, can literally be deadly. I too am terribly sad, even depressed when seeing the state of the world in general and what is happening to yidden both here in EY and in the world in particular.

If my mother were here, may her neshomo have an aliyah she be a melitzas yosher in Gan Eden for all of us, she would remind me that this is and has been for ages the "Jewish condition" and that our generation postwar was spoiled to think it might be otherwise. Jews get persecuted, and then they get killed. That's the way of the world. Today they don't say "Jews" they say zionists. Big deal. Same semantics.

My father, zt"l, if he would be alive and as he was a survivor, would have said one needs bitochon to get through, otherwise one can't survive. Bitochon though doesn't mean sticking your head in the sand as one needs to know what is going on in order to react. To write letters, to make sure that your own stuff is up to date, as one never konws when one has to run to survive. And yes yes even in EY one needs to know this. To run from one part of the country to another, and sometimes to know when chas vesholom to leave in order to later return. That's certainly not the situation now, but there are terrible scenarios where that might be the goral one day and one has to know and have some kind of a plan. That's the Jewish condition and saying it is not...no one ever promised that the current State of Israel will be forever. Right now it's pretty safe compared to some places in the world but that's not a given forever. Nothing is a given forever. That's why one needs bitochon.

Dolly's suggestions about keeping busy with mitzvos are great. And to that I add what DrMom writes, write letters, demonstrate and do something!

freidasima

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 6:28 am

Here it doesn't help to avoid the news. We have to know what is going on to know what the home command allows and doesn't allow us to do. We have to know the news to know what the chances of our sons getting called up are or those already called up getting sent home are. Here we don't have the luxury of not knowing. I think that through those imamothers living in Europe and elsewhere we have a pretty good local picture of the antisemitism going on and not only through the news in the papers and radio etc. but there is no hiding from it.

Which brings me to another thought. We talk about "bitochon". How would you all define that? I'm going to start a thread on it (as you can see, everyone is on leave today at work and I am manning a totally empty office for a change and have absolutely desire to go through case filese and as I am not running around to local offices today or tomorrow I am sitting and trying to keep my mind busy in between files by looking at narishkeit at the computer...)

blessedbyamiracle

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 7:59 am

To avi0903 the OP on this thread-

When I read ur post my eyes almost popped out of my head! That cudve been ME writing!

Since the kidnapping/murders of the 3 Israeli neshomos, Eiyal, Gilad Michoel and Yaakov Naftoli, HYD, I have been gluuuued to the news. I felt from day one a major shift in the world. I follow the main news stations on the Internet to see, listen to radio programs and read the papers and news magazines, especially the editorials. The hatred spewing forth from every direction is palpable and yes, of course, very scary.

While I can understand WHY someone would want to be an ostrich about this, I cannot for the life of me, understand HOW one can do that? This is our Eretz Yisroel, our land, our people! But it's not just those living in Israel that this hatred is turned upon, it's ALL OF US! Every Jew in the world.

I hate to tell you this, but busying ourselves with matching our window coverings to our wall coverings and pillows will NOT make the problem go away. This reminds me of those who turned a deaf ear in the 1930's to their brethren's suffering.

I can understand why one wudnt want to deal with this. Who wud? We have to be mothers to our children and wives to our husbands, but at what expense? They hear and know whats going on. Is that an example we want to show them. Apathy? No! We have to be strong!

I wrote 3 emails to CNN ! I get my news mostly from another major news network, because I know how skewed cnn's position is, but I still wanted to watch clips of their interviews and look at their webpage and it sickened me. My kids wud tell me: u think they care what u write?! I said - look, I'm only ONE person, but here is an opportunity for thousands, no, hundreds of thousands of emails to reach them, but people have to write. Because HOW they report and WHAT they report, is responsible for millions of people's decision making process.

Please go to CNN.com and they have a "contact us" area, click on it, u will get a box to write. Let them be inundated by a flock of OUR protests to their irresponsible one-sided representation! They are siding with not only those who hate Israel, but with the people who were dancing, dancing with joy, when America lost 3,000 lives when the towers fell.

Go to www.STOPHAMASNOW.com to sign a petition. And please forward this information by putting it on your family apps or whichever groups ur on if it's not already there. And guide us where to write if u have some information. PLEASE.

I ALSO HATE TO TELL YOU THIS, the anti-semitism in the world is at a dramatic peak. It is horrifying and terrifying. So what to do? What do we do? We have to band together and bond together and with our prayers and tehillim any gezairah mi'maaleh cud be altered. We shud inundate our lives w/Torah umitzvos... Let's all try to do something that's been difficult for us to do till now. Whether Bain Adam l'mokom or Bain Adam l'chaveiro.

Somethingggg..... Hashem Yerachem!

We have to be strong. We have to show our children that we can be strong. Not close our eyes and ears like a child who covers their eyes and thinks they can't be seen.

I am not judging you, the same as I don't want to be judged. But we have to be in this together. And may our achdus, and our tefillos be seen and heard in Shomayim so we may all be zoche to welcome Moshiach bimhairah beyamainu!

Last edited by blessedbyamiracle on Sun, Aug 10 2014, 10:03 am; edited 3 times in total

DrMom

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 9:13 am

blessedbyamiracle wrote:

I ALSO HATE TO TELL YOU THIS, the anti-semitism in the world is at a dramatic peak. It is horrifying and terrifying. So what to do? What do we do? We have to band together and bond together and with our prayers and tehillim any gezairah mi'maaleh cud be altered. We shud inundate our lives w/Torah umitzvos... Let's all try to do something that's been difficult for us to do till now. Whether Bain Adam l'mokom or Bain Adam l'chaveiro.

Somethingggg..... Hashem Yerachem!

We have to be strong. We have to show our children that we can be strong. Not close our eyes and ears like a child who covers their eyes and thinks they can't be seen.

I am not judging you, the same as I don't want to be judged. But we have to be in this together. And may our achdus, and our tefillos be seen and heard in Shomayim so we may all be zoche to welcome Moshiach bimhairah beyamainu!

Let's hope this is the peak...

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 10:31 am

I am all for mitzvoth but I was just talking brass-tacks practical stuff.

Sure it's a big mitzvah to make a shidduch, or do religious outreach, but I mentioned learning First Aid, prepp.ing for power outages, supporting our fellows who are considering having a baby and are scared of the costs, and physical training for our men. A general stance of not being unprepared. All of that would make sense for a non-Jew. None of that is religious.

Nobody here needs me to tell them to do mitzvoth.

This was another angle.

The world is dividing into those who can use a wrench and those who can't. So learn to use a wrench. We can still read books at the same time.

vintagebknyc

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 10:37 am

DrMom wrote:

this is not an easy post to write because we (those have chosen not to watch the news) are being judged, told we hold a "stick our head in the stand" mentality. I am coming back into the arena if you will please hear me out.

here's why *I* have chosen this: I have high blood pressure and anxiety, watching/reading horrible news puts me in a panic/fury/deep sadness in a millisecond. I know I am not the only one, many of us are balancing huge families while working full time. we are no good to anyone who relies on us when this happens.

so some of us can't do this, we just can't. you might not like or agree with our reasons, but we cannot change who we are or need to be for others. you know how you have to put your own oxygen mask on first, then help others? people like me struggle to keep our own masks on. we rely on our fellow jews to help us, because good, torah jews have always helped each other.

in fact, I'm bowing out now that I've said my piece. the amount of anxiety this topic/post has caused me is a reminder. I cannot do this, and want you to understand why.

freidasima

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 10:41 am

Dolly you are so right about this.
When I was younger the first thing I wanted to learn was how to bake bread. Now this was in America in a place that no one baked bread. But I realized that if push came to shove and there was a disaster one had to know how to do the basics. And so I learned how to bake bread, how to cook, how to sew, knit and crochet, how to spin thread, how to kasher meat and actually how to bone and skin an animal, and a few other basic survival skills. Yeah well. We children of survivors whose parents survived often because somewhere back they had these skills...we learned it the hard way.

Same goes for having an up to date passport and cash around. Same goes for watching the news and knowing what is going on in all senses, politically, financially, and in terms of antisemitism.

I can understand that it can be terribly depressing if one doesn't believe, if one doesn't think that there is a G-d. It helps when one does and one believes in a system and in klal yisroel as well.