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How to read the news and not fall into despair
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chaiz




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 7:46 am
vintagebknyc wrote:
this is not an easy post to write because we (those have chosen not to watch the news) are being judged, told we hold a "stick our head in the stand" mentality. I am coming back into the arena if you will please hear me out.

here's why *I* have chosen this: I have high blood pressure and anxiety, watching/reading horrible news puts me in a panic/fury/deep sadness in a millisecond. I know I am not the only one, many of us are balancing huge families while working full time. we are no good to anyone who relies on us when this happens.

so some of us can't do this, we just can't. you might not like or agree with our reasons, but we cannot change who we are or need to be for others. you know how you have to put your own oxygen mask on first, then help others? people like me struggle to keep our own masks on. we rely on our fellow jews to help us, because good, torah jews have always helped each other.

in fact, I'm bowing out now that I've said my piece. the amount of anxiety this topic/post has caused me is a reminder. I cannot do this, and want you to understand why.


I agree with vintagebknyc and I live in Eretz Yisroel. The past few weeks have seriously seen me cutting down my news consumption because there is only so much I can do and the news just puts me in depression. And no one I spoke to disagreed with me. I do have some ideas of what is going on, but not ever single detail. That is because what I can do will not be influenced by the news that much. I did call the White House and tell them that it is nuts to give money to Gaza, but what more can I do? So there are those who are writing and petitioning, but can they do that every day? Those who are not following are trying to control what they *can* control and leave the rest up to Hashem. Not everyone is doing it because they do not feel our pain or it won't happen to them. It is because right now that is the best plan of action.

I am fully aware that there are those who seem to be really out of it and disconnected, but it is not everyone and it is not because they follow or do not follow the news.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 8:02 am
No one person can do it all.

A person who doesn't read much news or write letters, but can do wound care is fine.

A person who can't do wound care but writes letters is fine.

A person who doesn't do either but pulls in a lost Jew has done something.

A person who can't do any of that but organizes a baby brigade to share newborn supplies and babysitting is fine.

A person who doesn't do one little thing of any or all that but organizes an exercise group is fine.

Whatever engagement suits your tastes and inclinations and comes naturally.

If one looks around, there is always something that needs doing, tweaking, tightening, improving. One eye will see one thing, another eye will see another thing. Nothing, nothing at all, is useless. We can never know what thing is the important thing to do. It all can come in handy and we cannot know when or if.

So those who can't deal with the news are fine. But let them do some other thing.

Having an awkward, skeptical, hideously embarrassed, terrified secular Jew to Shabbos dinner, might be more important than anything.

A little hand-shaking across hashkafa lines might be good. Including to local apikorsim.

I could advise being nice to Officer O'Riley. What brand treadmill does he recommend? Is it ok to get a used one, in his opinion, or is the belt too loose on the used ones? What are his views?
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 8:04 am
Dolly you are beautiful. Seriously.
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chaiz




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 8:11 am
freidasima wrote:
Dolly you are so right about this.
When I was younger the first thing I wanted to learn was how to bake bread. Now this was in America in a place that no one baked bread. But I realized that if push came to shove and there was a disaster one had to know how to do the basics. And so I learned how to bake bread, how to cook, how to sew, knit and crochet, how to spin thread, how to kasher meat and actually how to bone and skin an animal, and a few other basic survival skills. Yeah well. We children of survivors whose parents survived often because somewhere back they had these skills...we learned it the hard way.



Maybe you want to start a chug for adults teaching survival skills? Smile
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etky




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 8:13 am
I don't think there is merit or a moral imperative per se in keeping abreast of the news. People do what they have to do in order to function in life. BTDT many times. If there are major developments then people will inevitably find out if they choose to or not because of the ubiquity of media outlets. However, I would like to think that even those who do not follow the news or write letters or make phone calls to politicians etc. do reserve a bit of emotional energy to think about and daven for Jews who are in immediate danger from this situation. When Jews are in a major crisis other Jews are not supposed to totally disconnect emotionally and carry on as if nothing is happening even if that poses certain personal difficulties. That is the meaning of Jewish solidarity - anything less is abandonment.
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spinkles




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 8:30 am
We're supposed to be scared. How could you not be? We're supposed to take that fear and turn it into powerful tefillos that crash through all the gates and cause gezeiros to be ripped up.

With the internet it's possible to get in this cycle of constantly checking to see the latest updates. That's a huge waste of time. Set specific times to check the news: maybe once in the morning, once at night. You have to know what's going on so you can daven effectively and write to politicians and give tzedakah and do what you need to do to protect your family and Klal Yisroel. But if you're constantly checking the news you're throwing away precious minutes and hours of your life that could be better used.

The non-frum Jews I work with are beyond petrified because they don't have that understanding that Hashem runs this world and ein od Milvado. Most frum Yidden don't kid themselves; they expect what we're seeing now, this is what the Torah tells us the world is, we don't expect different. We throw ourselves into davening and doing.
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blessedbyamiracle




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 8:50 am
To friedasima, dolly, sneakermom and other posters, I have to reread all ur posts because I sort of read the initial one and then wrote mine in a frenzy.

But in skimming quickly, the battery keeps shutting down on my cell phone and I have to keep recharging it quickly and write a few lines again. So I cant comment properly to several comments I'd like to, but I liked so much of what many of u wrote and admire the skills u've acquired.

I have always been meticulous about having updated passports for myself and all family members, it's imperative. For those who find dealing with all this difficult, it's entirely understandable, but just take these few steps and then u'll know it's done.

Btw, I hope whoever said "I don't need anyone to tell me to do mitzvoth..." I hope they werent referring to me, because thats taking it completely out of context.

I dont know about the other people who've recommended that but in my case, this is what I meant.
People were saying they feel panicked and most of all "helpless". I find, for me, it helps if I feel I am doing "something", and by taking something, one little thing, and trying to improve upon it, I'm DOING something.

The writing (to cnn or to sign a petition) and all that is pure adrenaline and instinctual.

To the poster who wrote (im sorry this doesnt allow me to view ur post, so I dont know who it was or perhaps it was anonymous, or maybe "vintage"-something) that she feels judged and just cannot deal with all this -- again, I hope u were not referring to me, because, while I did say we shud act and not avoid, I also said I am not judging as I too dont want to be judged. So please forgive me if I offended u. Trust me, I do understand.

I may sound a little hyper about this, because my child is studying in Eretz Yisroel and doesn't want to come home, even when they may due to summer break. I cant HELP but be frantic, because I cannot be apart. Maybe we shud start a thread for mothers who have children in Eretz Yisroel? I wud go there in an instant, but that's not feasible.

So please understand those of us who NEED to be part of every breaking news and every latest incident. I dont mean it's JUST because of the child issue. I would be terribly upset regardless, I always have been, I have many relatives living there and in the army, plus, I consider every yid/jew living there, my sister and my brother. the situation ALL OVER THE WORLD is tumultuous, but that of course is exacerbating my personal angst.


Last edited by blessedbyamiracle on Mon, Oct 06 2014, 8:05 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 10:28 am
That was me. I was just clarifying my point about brass-tacks preparedness and mutual contact. We are all doers of mitzvoth, that's a given.

I am not in the least in favor of getting depressed or being uselessly upset. That doesn't help anybody, and in fact does great harm. So I think it is intelligent to manage what one thinks and feels. It is fine to turn off the news.

But perhaps then daven.

Or invite someone to Sunday afternoon coffee/tea with just light mezonos, to combat isolation and estrangement.

I do think a positive outlook, whether prayer, politics, or mechanical skills, not only will help with anxiety, but will help in quite practical ways.

Prayer certainly works. Rebbetzin Jungreis says that.

A proverb says that friends will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no friends.

So it is time to look around and take some assessment and exert ourselves.

So many of you are expert daveners. You might teach somebody how. Perhaps in return for being taught another skill.

We must share.

Chaiz's idea: "Maybe you want to start a chug for adults teaching survival skills?" is very good. The social contacts alone are valuable there, on top of any skills are learned.

There is a difference between "friend" and "friendly".

We can be vaguely friendly - only LY - with people who are NOT our real, true, intimate friends. Because we and they have different viewpoints, and different customs. And temperaments. And values. And life perspectives. We can keep and protect our hashkafa.

BUT we can still have contacts among them, occasionally ask how they are doing, and rally round if they need something.

If not a rollicking dinner all together, perhaps just the fathers could shake hands, and offer help if it is ever needed. Offer. Don't ask for anything.

Men understand the need to get along for mutual help with people you don't personally think are so great. Respectful distances are important.

The left-ish Jews in particular would collapse in astonished tears if someone well to the right of them ever said, "these are complicated times. There are a lot of us, we are unified, and we have a lot of self sufficiency. Our women cook from scratch, for large numbers. If you ever need anything, call us. We live differently from you but we don't hate you."

............................................
We are not bananas waiting to be picked.
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 11:05 am
I think there's value to knowing things even if you can't act on them.

It's like with family. Let's say your cousin is very sick. You don't need to get a blow-by-blow description of how much he's suffering and how terrible it all is - then you couldn't function either. OTOH, if you don't have a general sense of what's going on, you look like you don't even care, which is going to hurt someone's feelings if it comes out.

IMHO - know enough of what's going on in the world to not be dangerously ignorant (eg, Turkey is not a good vacation spot anymore if you're a frum Jew), to inspire yourself to action ("able to function" is good, but "complacent" is bad), and to express the fact that you're connected to Jews around the world and to human beings around the world.

After that point, you risk turning news-reading into a substitute for action. (Constantly refreshing news pages can feel a lot more active than it is.) Unless you're enjoying news-reading, or it's a kind of education for you (you're reading in-depth analyses, comparing various viewpoints, etc), I think it's best to cut yourself off.
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 11:10 am
Ora may I add "Turkey is not a good vacation spot for Jews, frum or not".
Well said in general.
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penguin




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 11:42 am
Last week I spent hours looking at news stories, including watching the Morning & Evening Special Editions on i24. In fact, Thursday night I went to bed after 3 am because of this.

So after seeing those folks in my dreams, I am going to do my best to limit this, bli neder, and just try to say more Tehillim. Because that's a lot more productive than listening to the predictions of the Diplomatic Correspondent, the Senior Middle East Analyst etc etc.

Bottom line, Eisav sonei leYaakov and Ein lan al mi lehisha'en, elah al Avinu sheBashomayim.
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rainbow dash




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 11:48 am
penguin wrote:
Last week I spent hours looking at news stories, including watching the Morning & Evening Special Editions on i24. In fact, Thursday night I went to bed after 3 am because of this.

So after seeing those folks in my dreams, I am going to do my best to limit this, bli neder, and just try to say more Tehillim. Because that's a lot more productive than listening to the predictions of the Diplomatic Correspondent, the Senior Middle East Analyst etc etc.

Bottom line, Eisav sonei leYaakov and Ein lan al mi lehisha'en, elah al Avinu sheBashomayim.


Very true.
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causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 4:38 pm
DrMom wrote:
Frankly, as a Jew living in Israel, I am more despaired to read responses like the above than I am to read about growing anti-Semitism in Europe.

The West's reluctance to face reality is a huge contributor to the increasing success of radical Islamofascism. The above responses (hopefully not representative) indicate that Orthodox Jews -- arguably the most engaged Jews among the American Jewish demographic -- would rather bury their heads in the sand than stand up for their Israeli brethren when they most need them.

Write letters to the local papers, write to your Congressional representatives, demonstrate in the streets, think about Israel when you vote, do SOMETHING.

If not now, when?


Israeli news is the only news I keep up with. I daven Friday night for the soldiers and send money to upgrade their equipment. I do what I can which is not much. I feel I need to know the situation there. Even so, I can't handle knowing how the chayalim blew up or were murdered. How does that help anyone that I know the gory details? I also avoid the news about the kids in Gaza. Its awful and I cant stomach it.

As for the horrors of ISIS, Syria, Iran, Boko Haram etc - I don't feel I need to know about that and I avoid that news as much as possible.
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MitzadSheini




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 5:22 pm
Hi everyone
I have spent most of my life getting depressed over what I read in the news. But I refuse (at least I am trying to refuse) to do that anymore, simply because it doesn't actually help. There are many many ways to look at what is going on in the world. When the meshamos of those 3 naarim were taken by Hamas I tried to focus on the fact that in just 16 years those boys had achieved more than most people will in 120, and that they are now basking fully in the light in gan Eden. When I think about the current conflict with Azza, I try to focus on the open miracles that Hashem is showing us for example through the kipat habarzel. I don't think it is burying my head in the sand. Negative feelings such as depression and anxiety are only kosher if they serve to lift you up, to bring you closer to hakodesh Baruch Hu. But if those feelings are dragging you down (as they have dragged me down for many years) they are from the yetzer hara and you have to fight these feelings as best you can.

I also recommend learning shaar habitachon from chovot halevavot as a reminder that Hashem is in charge of the world and He knows what He is doing. This chapter of the sefer begins by explaining that if you don't put your trust in Hashem, you will end up trusting something else: yourself, other people, a goverment, a passport, your survival skills etc etc. and then Hashem does remove some of his Hashgacha and you are left with only the limited power of the thing that you put your trust in. Of course you still have to do hishtadlut, but always remember that it is HaShem Himself who knows what is best for you and can save you if that is what is best.

I know full well that this is often much easier said than done.
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MitzadSheini




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 10 2014, 5:25 pm
Sorry I probably should have said when the naarim were taken 'by HASHEM through the hands of Hamas'
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blessedbyamiracle




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 11 2014, 11:12 am
Spoiler Alert- don't read if u "don't wanna know" ---

I just got back from my parents' home and we were watching the news FOX news to be precise and there was an entire discussion on the state of Israel in these times, meaning how the general public views Israel thru polls taken, and in today's young generation Israel approval is very low, as opposed to the other side, Hamas (??!!???) .

So, there was an entire panel, about six news people discussing that - FOX represents the truth, if anything they are definitely pro-Israel (pro-democracy in the Middle East ) , and they were ALL disgusted and upset by the results of that poll, saying that it is the result of social media. While one wud think that social media wud better educate the younger generation, it seems to be having the opposite effect.

Much anger over the bombings of UN shelters etc not realizing or better yet, not being educated correctly, that the terrorists Hamas were inside or at the side of those buildings, USING those children/civilians as human shields. Not enough stress on that.

This is the direct result of stations such as CNN which condemns Israel openly for their actions and their reporters, hosts and anchors, while they're supposed to present an unbiased view, without personal commentary or editorializing, they always manage to throw in terribly antagonistic comments.

Not to speak of their constant streaming of pictures /video of bloodied and crying Palestinian children in Gaza being carried into hospitals. They never mention that Israeli doctors are the ones treating them. But that point is after the fact. They need to clarify who/what Hamas is. Part and equal to the most vicious militants in the world such as Isis, al qaeda, Hezbollah, jihad, need I go on?

That is why writing to CNN is so important and/or writing to the NYTimes newspaper is so vital -- OR their equivalents around the globe. They shud be drowning in letters /emails of opposition to their stance like an avalanche!!!
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 14 2014, 12:03 am
http://www.israelnationalnews......0cRmM

Americans: Please, now is the time to be vocal about supporting Israel's right and ability to defend itself and defeat terrorists. Please write your Congressperson, senators, whatever it takes. Write letters to your newspapers, call in to the radio, organize rallies, do SOMETHING.
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blessedbyamiracle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 14 2014, 6:36 am
I wud soooo organize a HUGE gathering, several gigantic massive protests. they have to see that jews are different than they were 60 -70-80 years ago. we will NOTTTT tolerate it nor take it lying down!!!! and then get some powerful lecturers and/or respected /prominent members of our society/community to not only condone this, but to appear and even speak!!!

If I cud only turn back the clock.

When nobody gets up to do something... Hey... That's when "someone" just HAS TO.

I was JUST thinking the other day that that is what needs to be done! Get a major rally going. In every community. In every part of the globe. You know. Like there shud be some rollerball effect. Just SHOVE myself the h--k out of the house and be up and about, only because there is such a dire need for it.

Let them show dozens and dozens of protests by the Jews for the Jews. Let THAT be on the news! For every protest out there, there shud be one of ours to match it. Tit for tat!!!!!!!

Writing letters and "protesting" that way, has been all I can do, but it bothers me immensely that I can't do more. So what else is new ???
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blessedbyamiracle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 14 2014, 12:39 pm
I didnt hear about obamas administration holding back a missiles shipment from Israel!!!!!!!!! It was nottt on the news! Did I miss it? That is sooo major, that little weakling. His ratings are running low, so he wants to please the ignorant racist public.

Ohhh, im gonna make some noise about this!

First to our assemblyman, with copies of that article (but first I need to do more research so I know what im taking about), and cud cite all the sources I cud get my hands on. Then the congressman, the senators, the... All the way up to the presidents office.

But first will confer with our local assemblyman to get a petition going, cuz whats ONE.voice? Aaaaarrrrrrgh! Banging head Time out

Update: I havent been online for I dunno, long time, but just wanted to note- the shipment of the missiles were only held back temporarily, apparently there was some glitch there, perhaps within his advisory board, blah blah blah, but it was allowed to go through almost as quickly as was stopped, which is why there wasnt more news coverage of that occurrence. It is now 10/6/14.
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