Orange Rhino- Yell Less, Love More

The Happy Wife

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 10:10 pm

I just decided to take the Orange Rhino Challenge. It's a personal challenge to stop yelling.

You can read more about the challenge here:http://theorangerhino.com/the-challenge-details/

I'm so embarrassed that I lose my cool and raise my voice sometimes at home.

This is not the kind of mother and wife I want to be. B"H it is not an all the time thing, but when it happens I feel terrible! I want to change! And I'm posting under my screen name because I want to really feel accountable and maybe it will inspire some other mothers to join me.

At any rate, I figured I would post here to get some chizzuk and try to make sure I follow through.

Tomorrow will be day #1 for me. Anyone want to join?

seeker

Mon, Aug 11 2014, 1:12 am

Good for you! I do want to join. I'm just not sure exactly how Sad

Every time I make a good resolution it just collapses under pressure. Is there some trick to this or is it just a resolution?

the world's best mom

Mon, Aug 11 2014, 9:07 am

she has a list of tips you can try. It includes many types of techniques, including counting to ten, screaming into a closet, singing a silly song, saying "I love my kids I love my kids I love my kids"... Some of them were funny. Some were very good techniques.

MaBelleVie

Mon, Aug 11 2014, 9:10 am

What really helped me become calmer with my kids was learning new educational strategies to manage their behaviors. I found that my own response became less emotional in the negative sense. Dina Friedman's course was instrumental to me.

seeker

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 12:27 am

So I don't think I yelled at anyone today. Overall pretty good. Still, could be beginner's luck, or not so hard maintaining good behavior for one very conscious day, or the fact that I had to go out for a while in middle of the day anyway Wink

1 down. What's your goal, Happy Wife? I'm thinking of starting with 30 days. It seems a bit ambitious but I feel like a week would be over too soon.

seeker

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 7:51 pm

Day 2! Not *quite* over yet but one is in bed and one is sleepy so I consider myself in the safe zone. I did reach snappy level so I don't feel so successful, my real goal is to just not be snappy and negative at all (I mean overall. Not to never snap even once but to not have a negative snappish atmosphere in the home) I was super overtired today so it was really hard but I think I could have done a lot worse!

The Happy Wife

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 8:32 pm

Day 2! No yelling so far (and I was really tested!). I got a little grumpy with things were stressful, but no yelling. Smile

When everything around me was getting crazy, I just tried to ignore the maddness and stay calm. I reminded myself that stressful situations will arise, and it's normal, and it's not the end of the world.

However, I've been a bit under the weather this week and relied on my husband a bit more than usual so I don't feel like this is a true success.

My goal: 1 week of no yelling. And then I'll go for another week. I think that a month is too overwhelming for me.

The Happy Wife

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 8:35 pm

seeker wrote:

That's still a success. Of course, not to be snappy and negative is also my ultimate goal, but I feel that if I can just eliminate the yelling completely, then maybe I can start again with this as a new goal.

It's sooo much harder for me when I'm tired. It's a big trigger for me.

The Happy Wife

Wed, Aug 13 2014, 9:46 pm

Day 3: I really can't say this is such a victory. No yelling, but my husband was really on duty most of the time. Still sick.

seeker

Wed, Aug 13 2014, 9:54 pm

Hugs. Feel better. I think we should give ourselves credit even when it isn't as hard (DH taking kids out, e.g.) Nobody ever said you have to be a hero; the goal is not yelling so if you didn't yell you made it. Don't complicate things or put yourself down! If anything it's harder to stay cheerful when you're not feeling well!

Day 3 went OK for me too. About the same as yesterday - overtired so not quite as chipper as I'd like to be, but no yelling = success!

seeker

Fri, Aug 22 2014, 9:51 am

So I made it to 10 days (still snapping a little more than I would like to but no yelling and no nasty snaps, just the irritated kind) but yesterday (day 11) I blew it. Nothing terrible, but if the rule is zero yelling then I guess I need to reset to 0 Sad

We were in the car, in traffic, needing to make a quick route decision - with other people making those decisions weaving dangerously in and out all around me - and the traffic update was about to come on the radio and I'd already totally missed the previous one because the kids just would not stop making noise. So I yelled for quiet, got it, I don't think anyone was traumatized by this as I was only trying to get heard over the din, so B"H I don't have to feel like a total failure over this, but I did yell. Sigh.

seeker

Mon, Aug 25 2014, 10:44 am

This is really dismal. I'm still at 0.

We went away for Shabbos, I hate traveling on friday but this time especially DH was late coming home from work and some other stuff was going on and my stress hit the roof. I yelled at him, not the kids, but I think I need to include the whole family in this!

On Shabbos I think you could say I got to day 1 because the person I yelled at was someone else's kid. No apologies there - if you won't supervise your own small child at the playground and they are dangerously mean to my kid, you're not entitled to love the way I resolve the situation.

Yesterday I don't even remember much. I don't think I made it, though. But even if I did, I blew it today. DD is going through a really challenging time right now and my parenting just isn't up to it. I need to get in shape fast or it will just dissolve into yelling every time.