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Are all Japanese and Danish Parents Really Neglectful?
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rachel91




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 15 2014, 9:20 am
aleph wrote:
I had a lovely neighbor when my oldest dd and ds were little. She had come to America from Russia as an adult. We became quite close. She had dcs of the same age, who were allowed to play out in the hallway on shabbos afternoons while their parents napped, relaxed, etc. This was incomprehensible to me, the idea of not having my children under my direct supervision at all times. I couldn't help but see her as remiss.

However, on rainy days when I would bundle my kids into rain jackets and boots and trudge outside to tend to our plans despite the inclement weather, she was baffled. When my ds refused all but one bite of his lunch and I paid no mind, figuring he'd eat later when he was hungry, she was horrified.

Our maternal fears and concerns were so culturally determined, so inbred. The idea of a child, g-d forbid, being taken, was (and is) so pervasive to me. I didn't believe they'd catch colds from a walk in the rain, and if they did? We'd take a visit to the pediatrician.... Her fears ran in the opposite direction.... You'd never convince either of us that the other was more "correct" ...



Yes russian ( especially soviet) parenting styles are worth having their own thread!
Kids were/ are forced to eat up, kids used to play outside (fron or backyard of their appartment bulding) the whole time, mum's are very afraid of their kids to catch colds, pottytraining by 6 months etc. Very Happy
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Tablepoetry




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 15 2014, 9:48 am
yo'ma wrote:
Here it's confusing. Fleishig restaurants don't open until 8:30 for dinner and I know k they're open till around 1 am. Most kosher groceries close at 7, even Thursday evening. The pizza stores are open all day and I have no idea what time they close.

I asked one of my children what the average schedule is like after school for his classmates. He said, they come, eat a snack (usually not healthy), play on the computer or the like, eat supper and then go back to playing on the computer or the like and then go to bed. It's usually around 11 by then. They don't go to bed late for family time. Maybe that used to be the thing, but not anymore.

........




It's very normal for my children, an 11 year old, to be invited to go out for pizza motzei shabbos and they don't meet until 9-9:30. This is when shabbos is over at 6:30.


Makes no difference to me because I'm an american and my kids go to bed at a "decent" time Very Happy .


Kids go to bed here in Israel relatively late, but I'd bet they don't spend any more time on the computer than their American counterparts.

Anyway, here too, tween activities are often scheduled to start at 9. Kids are still visiting each other at those hours, or yes, eating pizza/ ice cream downtown. Birthday parties in the summer can easily go to eleven. A bar or bat mitzvah till twelve.

I can't imagine telling them to stay home. There goes half their social life.Yo'ma how do your kids agree to missing out on so much? Or is not a big deal there?

We had some strict French immigrants here who initially didn't allow their daughter out. I don't really know why, but she was only allowed to choose one bat mitzvah to go to every couple of months. Needless to say, she was totally out of the social circle. It took them a couple of years to relax and give her freedom, and only then did she succeed in making real friends.
You can't really fight the local culture sometimes.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 15 2014, 10:01 am
wondering if these parents didn't disapprove of some of these girls, that they didn't allow going to bas mitsva... or to think of it, were they very charedi? or old school MO? they may disapprove a big bat mitsva or a BM at all.

As a "strict Euro" loool I would not do well with my kids hanging out without an adult chaperon, at night, especially as frum kids. One of the reasons I became FTB was for the social conservatism reflected in parenting. Playing outside and outside of my view, yes. Hanging out, very different.

My parents disapproved of BM as at best reform, at worst Xtian. Lite lite MO. Very euro.
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 15 2014, 10:11 am
Tablepoetry wrote:
Kids go to bed here in Israel relatively late, but I'd bet they don't spend any more time on the computer than their American counterparts.

Anyway, here too, tween activities are often scheduled to start at 9. Kids are still visiting each other at those hours, or yes, eating pizza/ ice cream downtown. Birthday parties in the summer can easily go to eleven. A bar or bat mitzvah till twelve.

I can't imagine telling them to stay home. There goes half their social life.Yo'ma how do your kids agree to missing out on so much? Or is not a big deal there?

We had some strict French immigrants here who initially didn't allow their daughter out. I don't really know why, but she was only allowed to choose one bat mitzvah to go to every couple of months. Needless to say, she was totally out of the social circle. It took them a couple of years to relax and give her freedom, and only then did she succeed in making real friends.
You can't really fight the local culture sometimes.

End at 12?? That's early. I went to a bar mitzva that ended at 3-4 in the morning. It was called for 9 and we left at 12, but didn't get there till 10. We let our children go, but if there are too many things close to each other, then not everything.
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 15 2014, 12:40 pm
marina wrote:
Quote:
In the US, if a child is screaming on a subway, most people will look the other way


I totally disagree with this. If anything, people are so nosy. Some kid is playing in the park without mommy and then half the neighborhood is calling CPS.


I don't see this. I commuted in NY every day on the Subway, I've seen several times - parents screaming, cursing at kids, slapping them in public - people just looked the other way. Google the TV show "What Would You Do?" with John Quinones. He sets up these situations -an abusive nanny, a bigoted waitress, a mean boyfriend - and sees what people do. In the US, in more urban areas, lots of people just walked right on by as a nanny abused a little girl (by cursing her out, slapping a toy out of her hand, making her clean up a toy and then purposely shoving her so the toy spilled, then yelling at her to clean it cuz she's a clumsy &*#@ etc.) Yes, there were people who stopped, but plenty didn't, and those who did, intervened when it got really crazy, not at first.
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