Lakewood - The best of it, worst of it and everything in bet

amother

Thu, Aug 14 2014, 8:25 pm

anon because of disclosing personal details.

a positive lakewood schools story:

b'rov chasdei Hashem, we just got our oldest child into school for september.
we applied in july.

we live on one modest salary- mine. no parental assistance or support - so not wealthy, by a long stretch.
both mine and DH's parents are MO. our only 'yichus' is a few generations back and/or indirect like a chashuv great uncle. certainly no familial connection to the hanhala.

(we applied late because dc has a borderline birthday, and we thought we would just 'holding back', but dc's teacher from this past year said it was important to advance dc and start school due to social maturity and academic abilities.)

the moral of this story is: Hashem can do anything. yes, there is a very difficult situation in lakewood regarding schools. but Hashem saved other nisyonos for us, and spared us this one, b"H.

sky

Thu, Aug 14 2014, 8:51 pm

amother wrote:

this may seem like a silly question...

everyone who lives in Lakewood says how in some places in can be so diverse, and not everyone is so yeshivish, or sitting in learning.
but what I am wondering is, does the Yeshiva (bmg) and its Roshie Yeshiva kind of, control the town? not in a bad way, but in a way, that if they think X is wrong, then the schools, wanting to accommodate ppl will think X is wrong, which by default is taught to my child, and then becomes the accepted norm of the town?

You dont have that much of that in NYC, bc its so diverse (ok aside from Williamsburg and Borough Park )

All schools have strict internet rules.
The rules are pretty similar between schools although I'm sure there are some differences.
I'm from OOT and when I see the rule booklet I get such a knot in my stomach, not that I disagree with the rules, I'm really okay with 95% of them, but just having so many make me nervous and ready to run for the hills.
Even OOT roshei yeshivos set the tone. The school I went to read The Scarlet Letter years ago. Until the Rosh Yeshiva's daughter brought it home for reading. They never read it again. (We were still reading other books in my days that I know they don't read anymore such as the Crucible)

amother

Thu, Aug 14 2014, 9:01 pm

lk1234 wrote:

I think that people out of lakewood often only hear the bad things and they don't realize how AMAZING lakewood really is as far as everything that debsey said. The services for kids, the accomodations for frum poeple in any and every possible business venue, and just being a part of your complex, community, block etc.

One downside- NO TAKEOUT- if anyone is reading this from brooklyn and wants to start a good business-PLEASE make a takeout store in lakewood. WE NEED ONE. PLEASE

there are so many take outs ...but they aren't good at all.

debsey

Fri, Aug 15 2014, 12:44 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

I'm not saying it doesn't exist elsewhere Smile

but it is ubiquitous in Lakewood schools. I think that's what amother was asking.

I didn't grow up in Lakewood but kollel kollel uber alles was pretty much the refrain in my high school and seminary. And yes, it's the same in my daughter's school. If I have one quibble with the "yeshivishe"-izing of everything, it's the Mosdos Press readers. Why can't they read some actual literature???? I know this is in the NY schools too, but really? No Shakespeare except for excerpts of plays? No Dickens? No Austen? Just book excerpts and Jewish books. That drives me nuts, but it's not exclusive to Lakewood.

Chayalle

Fri, Aug 15 2014, 3:24 pm

sky wrote:

Yeah, the high school I went to no longer reads To Kill a Mockingbird. Not Lakewood.

My younger sister was at a wedding and she met our high-school Literature Teacher (a wonderful woman we all adore). They were discussing how they have replaced the books we used to read with books about gangs, murder, the wild west, etc...

So our teacher responded "What's wrong with murder? No knees showing...."

Totally OT, I know. DD had a Literature test, and every selection was about murder, violence and death. All preferable, of course.

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 11:53 pm

to Debsey and Sky and other lovely fellow Lakewooders who like their neighborhoods:
If you don't mind posting - anonymously of course - what neighborhoods are friendly and mixed, in a good sense?

I've been living in Lakewood for several years, in a rather friendly complex (think everybody sends food for and attends shalom zochors, kiddushes etc., ladies shmoozing at the playground, borrowing milk and eggs, cooperating with carpooling kids to school and sharing cleaning ladies).
Now, having moved from a place where you don't know your next door neighbor's name even if you live there for like 10 years - that's huge and I love it!

But here's the "big but" (for me that is): there are no friendships, it seems that it is just not done. Ladies do shmooze with each other, some more, some less but friendships don't develop. I am plain friendly with some ladies, more friendly/"shmoozy" with others but if I move- there won't be any phone calls or relationships to maintain. I guess there would be a sweet goodbye party - and then well "goodbye, adieu", the new nice neighbor moving into my house and continuing the good "neighborship" cycle.

I understand that most people are quite busy with their immediate and extended families, and I don't boast that. But explain it to me - do people in any neighborhood become friends? Not acquaintances but friends? Anyone, anywhere? I'm not sure it would help to go to shiurim to find people with similar interests. You come to a shiur and go just like you came, or so it seems to me.

Oh, and my husband seems to have it even worse: men in shul or in the street don't really talk or even acknowledge him, even though he doesn't look or act like a monster or unfrum, or whatnot. One guy who was acting quite friendly and nice ended up asking for some major favors, to put it super mildly, seems that was the reason for the friendliness. Oh well... We're kind of at the end of the friendship rope, and though being introverts, it's kind of much even for us at this point.

Signed,
almost friendless in Lakewood

P.S. I'm not socially awkward or inappropriate, and do know how to be a good friend.
Verified by few old friends and one shrink Smile

))

amother

Wed, Jan 21 2015, 1:42 am

amother wrote:

))

I don't live in a complex but that is my experience too. I am also an introvert. Very lonely, the people on the block are nice but it doesn't go more then that.

Notsobusy

Wed, Jan 21 2015, 8:51 am

amother wrote:

))

That's how it is in my neighborhood too. There are some people who became good friends with each other, most of us are too busy with our lives to do that. We are very friendly, I love my neighborhood, but I just don't have the time to put into developing new friendships now. One neighbor invited me a few times to come over Friday night before the seudah, I keep planning to, but I am usually running late, and my husband is in shul for so short, by the time I have everything prepared for the seudah I just want to sit down for five minutes, not go socialize.

I think the only way to make good friends is to really put the time and effort into it. Also to pick someone who seems like she has the time and is interested.

amother

Wed, Jan 21 2015, 9:19 am

I think the only way to make good friends is to really put the time and effort into it. Also to pick someone who seems like she has the time and is interested.
-----------
The problem is not the lack of time. Even though I don't have extra, for sure, at this point I'd make it.
But it seems there's nobody to pick, people are just not interested, or are they?
I mean I understand they may have enough socialization just among their own sisters and sil's but that's not my case, and I could use some friends, to discuss some relevant issues, or whatever.

Chayalle

Wed, Jan 21 2015, 9:40 am

I do get together with my neighbors, like Friday night before the meal or after Shalosh Seudos. They come over, or I go there....shabbos afternoon, my house is humming (we also have good nosh and homemade goods....) I have this with like 3 different neighbors.

It takes time and effort though, and I have to credit my neighbor who invited us a few times and we came...that's how it develops. You have to pick yourself up and go knock on the door, or call and invite and see if they respond...you get a feel if they are interested or not, but that's how you develop friendships.

amother

Wed, Jan 21 2015, 11:12 am

To "almost friendless":
I live in Raintree. It is a great neighborhood filled with all types of people, most of whom are originally out-of-towners and very friendly. I have plenty of friends and acquaintances here, but I have to say this: to make friends you need to work at it, no matter where you live - in a development, in a neighborhood, in a different city. I did exactly the same things to make friends in Raintree and in the complexes that I lived in previously.

Everyone's busy with their lives, but everyone wants friends too. When I moved here I set out to make friends. I invite families for Shabbos meals - don't wait for someone to invite you first. Even if you don't know them well, or you feel weird - just do it. Find out if there's a tehillim group in the neighborhood - if there is, join it, if there isn't, make one yourself if that's your thing. Invite your kids' friends and tell their mothers that they can stay. Go out for coffee with someone. Now is Chinese auction season - pick a few that you want to go to (or HS plays, if that's your thing) and call someone to go with you. Nobody will become an instant friend - you have to find someone who's on your wavelength and take the friendship up a notch (slowly and not pushy).

It's hard. But I did it in a couple of neighborhoods, and I have lasting friendships to show for it (even after one or both of us moved away). And FTR, it is SO not my type to do these things - but I did it so that I'd have friends. It's worth it!