how does a mother manage the home and work?

HonesttoGod

Thu, Aug 14 2014, 8:46 pm

If you can afford it, get a cleaner for a few hours a week.

Clean up the basics (toys, kitchen, wipe down sides, sweep floor) every night right after supper. Wash up too.
Throw in a load of washing at night, put it in the dryer on your way out the door.
Choose one night a week that you will do all ironing and another night folding (or if you have energy, both on the same night).
Bulk cook suppers every other sunday and freeze.
Or prepare in a crock pot in the morning before you go to work.
Allow your house to be a bit disorganized or messy for a few days it won't kill you and it will make you that much more relaxed (or give you time to relax anyway).

You working part time or full time?

imorethanamother

Thu, Aug 14 2014, 9:42 pm

You do it either by:

1) being rich enough to afford help

2) having a spouse chip in. Household chores either get split up or they're not done. Unless you only work part time, doing everything yourself is not feasible.

And you need to be organized. Shop and cook on Sundays. Freeze food or eat very simply every night. Prepare lunches after kids are in bed and do a lot of your shopping for clothes online.

Scotty

Thu, Aug 14 2014, 9:53 pm

Set up the closets of your house to be uber-organized (read Julie Morgenstern's classic book). This may take you a year to accomplish BUT it means that even when your house is flying (always!) you still know WHERE EVERYTHING IS and have a sense of self and organization - at any given moment that is not five minutes after a twenty-person Purim seuda you are only 20 mins-1 hour away from a neat house.

As far as CLEAN house, though, for that you do need a cleaning lady - before you say you can't afford it, remember that even two hours a week ($20!!!) can do a huge amount (think clean bathrooms, dining room and kitchen floor, vacuumed stairs and carpet, made beds or changed linen.)

I have a laundry system that allows me to fold only my husband's underthings and sort the rest unfolded (and all clothes are hung to dry then transferred to closets) - and I have a laundry closet, not room. I have not picked up an iron since shana rishona I think (except two extenuating circumstances). All DH's shirts go to the cleaners - I can either work or iron, not both.

Suppers are cryingly simple. Yom Tov and Shabbos are cooked in three hours with teh simplest methods possible. I also keep a pack of laffas and cheese in teh freezer for emergency pizza supper, and bought enormous pareve pots so that when I do have a drop of time I bulk-cook soups and other stuff PAREVE and can use it for anything. I also bought a used deep freezer from craigslist for $100 and SWEAR BY IT.

DH helps out. a LOT.

I found being very organized (ie, lists for every yom tov, event, etc etc) is a saving grace - and I'M STILL THE ONE LADY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD WHOSE HOUSE IS ALWAYS UPSIDE DOWN (except for the closets!!!) because reality is that you can't dance at two weddings at once!!!!

So: hugs, hugs, hugs - you're doing great, hold on there!

cs1

Sun, Aug 17 2014, 6:27 pm

I am in the same boat! 2 kids under two and work full time. No cleaning help (because I choose not to.)

You have to do what works best for you. I cant clean all week cuz Im drained but I clean the house, bathrooms and furniture every motzei shabbos. Once my kids are asleep I sweep and put the toys away.

Friday I usually cook for shabbos and will make bulk suppers once or twice a week.

I do laundry two-3 times during the week.

My husband shops once a week.

And then I survive...day by day Smile

zaq

Sun, Aug 17 2014, 8:00 pm

Grit your teeth, hang on by your bloodied fingernails and remind yourself that one day the children will all be grown and out of the house and you'll have your own life back.

But seriously--well, the above was serious, but most people don't want to be told "having small children is hell and you just have to survive", they want to be told which tab to put into which slot to magically make it all right--there are three principles:

Prioritize.
Simplify.
Draft the family.
Do it now.

OK, that was four.

First--prioritize. You can't "have it all" sans lots and lots of money, so decide what's most important to YOU: Saving money? Home-cooked food? An active social life? A spotless house? Impressing the neighbors?

Second, simplify. Cut the non-essentials out of your life, based on your priorities. If House Beautiful is your priority then forget the home-cooked food, buy prepared foods and spend your time beautifying the house. If saving money is your thing, forget the fancy wardrobe and impressing the neighbors.

Draft the family. Even a toddler can "help" by putting his toys in a toybox or dirty socks into a laundry basket. Granted it'll take five times as long as it would if you did it, but you're laying the groundwork for the kids to gradually take over more and more hosuehold chores as they grow. By the time they're 9 or 10 they should be doing their own laundry and cleaning their own rooms as well as doing other chores like vacuuming the living room, washing dishes and so on. (Warning: do this well enough and you will REALLY miss them when they leave home and you have to resume the chores you had them do all those years).

And finally, just do it. No time like the present. You have five minutes? You can straighten out a drawer or put up a pot of pasta to cook or fold a few towels.

amother

Sun, Aug 17 2014, 8:05 pm

Scotty wrote:

I really want to know where cleaning help is $10/hour?? I pay 100 dollars to get my house cleaned in 2-3 hours in NNJ.

zaq

Sun, Aug 17 2014, 8:05 pm

Whoops, Principle #5 is Be Realistic. No household with small children is going to be as tidy, well-run etc. as one without small children. As some wise person once said, the best things in life are messy. So while you may not be able to exactly embrace the mess and the disorder and the hecticness, remember that that's the price you pay for having a family. You could live in solitary, tip-top, shipshape splendor, but would you want to?

bookworm10

Sun, Aug 17 2014, 8:32 pm

I work and have two small kids. Though I dont work 9-5, I work 8:30-3, so the minute I finish work my kids are home. That means I am never alone- either at home or to do errands.

My method is that I try not to go crazy. Lunches and clothes for the next day are prepared at night. I sweep and pick up toys after the kids go to sleep. I make supper with the kids. Cooking for shabbos is done Thursday night.

And having a cleaning lady twice a week for 2 hours has been my life saver. Because of that, I do not have to clean the bathrooms/floors/etc. She does the heavy cleaning.

I do laundry every single day. 1 load makes a difference.

I shop for shabbos/food with my kids once a week after school.

It is tough, but manageable. I wish my house always looked spotless and that everything had a space. But, I work.

boysrus

Mon, Aug 18 2014, 12:14 am

amother wrote:

I really want to know where cleaning help is $10/hour?? I pay 100 dollars to get my house cleaned in 2-3 hours in NNJ.

wow, that price is crazy! everyone I know pays between 10 and 15 an hour! I am sorry you have to pay so much... if it cost me that much, then I would not be able to afford even my 2.5 hrs cleaning help a week...

lovingmother

Mon, Aug 18 2014, 5:59 pm

I have heard all of the above advice, but nobody addresses how to do all of those things when you are exhausted from working all day. I have tried not sleeping much - everything can get done that way, but I stopped that method when I almost fell asleep at the wheel - twice. So now I go to sleep early and nothing gets done, but I'm alive - bli ayin hara.

But OP, a lot of it might depend on your job, husband, and kids ages.
Good luck!

OneSource

Mon, Aug 18 2014, 7:17 pm

My trick to making it all work is to keep my expectations realistic. I'm out of the house at 7:30 every morning and get home at 6:30 every night. With 2 kids at home, it's incredibly difficult to get it all done. I pre-cook meals for my kids and lunches for my husband and myself w/ the week's major food shopping on sunday morning so I can cook sunday evening (after spending the day w/ the kids and hubby.) Laundry, I try to wash everything in small bundles (colors during the week, whites on sunday…) Cleaning, honestly - it's a real challenge. I am one of those super neat people who can't stand dirt/messes/greasy-finger marks on the walls… My stay at home nanny cleans for me every friday (puts everything away, dusts, vacuums and washes floors etc) and I do basic maintenance during the week (put all the normal, accumulated clutter from tables away, clear toys and art projects from all random surfaces and vacuum the living room at a minimum) right when I get home, at least once or twice a week. The kids love my funny routine of twenty minutes of cleaning madness when I come home and I am quick to treat it like a game where the little ones plug in the vacuum and chase me around. Right after I get both kids to sleep (by 7:45, we're finished with the nightly book/song routine) and after that, I can BREATHE after what feels like THE. LONGEST. DAY. EVER! But - that being said, shabbos is more precious and weekends are the best.

BTW, did I mention that I am a die-hard coffee addict? That helps keep me upright during the day and red apples do the trick when I feel myself begin to keel over. Very Happy

amother

Mon, Aug 18 2014, 9:49 pm

I work 9 to 3 every day fri 9 to 1. I finally learned how to let things go when I had my 3rd (whos now 5 months) I have a 5 1/2 and a 3 1/2 yr old too. Realize u cant do it all and be ok with that. I find myself more relaxed when I say so whats the big deal if I sit and color with my kids instead of cleaning the living room right now. A clean house is nice but not at the expense of a losing it mommy. U have to know you cant do it all and another big thing: dont compare yourself to others. Noone is in your exact situation. You dont know whats going on behind closed doors so just dont even think about it. Dont look at the neighbor who takes her kids to the park and seems so relaxed. if u need to go straight home after work thats ok!!! Do what works for you including having cereal for dinner sometimes getting in pjs when u get home from work sometimes and just reading books. Allow yourself the time u need to relax and dont sweat the small stuff. Yes dishes in ur sink overnight ( or two- yes nothing happens). Hope this helps.