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Why do they always ruin things?
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miami85




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 18 2014, 12:50 pm
I'm the main activity organizer in my family. My DH would be perfectly happy with either staying home or something low key, whereas I like to do things that are more interesting. It seems no matter what I plan, most things end up as a disaster. My kids--3&2 just always end up having a tantrum, or running wild, or start dismantling things. If I try getting them to nap before it often ends up in a struggle and then we don't do anything. I understand that this is normal and you humor them, but my DH has a hard time with this and would rather just not do anything. Even child friendly places such as a library become stressful places. Any advice?
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 18 2014, 12:55 pm
I'm with your dh Smile

the difference is, I take my kids on trips without dh when he's at work. there have to be rules, and you need to be prepared for EVERYTHING.

stock a diaper bag. bring enough drinks, snacks, diapers, changes of clothing, etc. for everyone. emphasis on drinks. thirsty toddler (and older kids) get very cranky.

cut down on the time allotment for the trip. if it's a far away trip, try something nearer. kids don't like to be overstimulated.

bring a comfy stroller that fully reclines. a long trip is easier with a double jogger than an umbrella stroller.

bring the kids' security items so they can sleep in the stroller.

plan part of the trip to cover nap time. allow the kids to nap during the commute. this will be less overwhelming for them.

go to trips that have other points of interest nearby. if you're in build a bear and the kids get cranky, checkout asap and head for a local ice cream shop or some such. a change of scenery is helpful, and ice cream doesn't hurt Smile

assign roles before the trip. dh has bathroom duty, you're in charge of snacks, he's in charge of walking the kid who doesn't want to sit in the stroller, etc.

good luck!
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MMCH




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 18 2014, 1:57 pm
my dh is the same way and it makes me so annoyed.

its always me who is suggesting we do something on a sunday when we can, and my dh would be happy doing absolutely nothing.


so whenever we go out, plan like you would be out for the entire day (even if its an hour and or two) so that you are extra extra prepared!
TONS of drinks/sippy cups and bag snacks.
always bring along childs comfort items (like paci or blankey)
and a good stroller is the best thing on these kinds of days.
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miami85




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 18 2014, 3:58 pm
I'm talking about something as simple as a playground or a library, or even just grocery shopping.
And the things that happen are not always things I can contingency for.

Like I thought it might be nice to go look around at a child-friendly store like Ikea, but when they started running around my DH could't wait to get out.

Or going to a library to play with some toy trains they have their and maybe catch story hour, but after a while they were hungry and ready for a nap, so we had to leave and deal with their kicking and screaming on the way out the door.

Even if we would just stay home, they either end up watching videos or start fighting.

My husband just can't handle when they start having a melt-down.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 18 2014, 8:46 pm
Change your expectations. Your children are very young with a short attention span. You can't realistically have a long outing. Plan short outings close to home, and cut them short at the first sign of crankiness. Don't wait for a meltdown to happen. If that means you spend all of ten minutes at the library, so be it. Their attention span will increase as they get older.

Because it hurts to spend money on admission to an attraction only to have to leave shortly after arriving, consider buying a membership to one local attraction a year--membership that allows unlimited free admission. Then if you go to the zoo or museum for ten minutes this week, who cares? You can go for ten minutes a day every day of the year and it won't cost you extra.

since your children are energetic and physical, try for physical and energetic outings. Playgrounds and sports fields may be better choices than libraries and stores, though even playgrounds require a modicum of discipline.

and as has been said above, plan as if you were going on a Polar expedition. bring more snacks, drinks, toys, books, changes of clothing and diapers and so on than you think you'll need. Consider having some playthings and treats that are reserved only for outings, never at home.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 18 2014, 9:03 pm
BTW I think your thread title is quite telling. Your kids are ruining things? For whom is the outing supposed to be? If you want to have a good time, leave the kids with a sitter and go enjoy. But if you intend the outing to be for them, then you have no expectations of having a good time, understand? You're the grownup and your job is to look after them. Any fun you have on the trip is a bonus for which you will be appropriately grateful, but smart parents don't set out expecting to be able to enjoy the trip.
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 18 2014, 9:18 pm
I'm with zaq on this one. You plan a trip to Ikea and the kids spend the whole time climbing on the couches? Learn your lesson: your kids aren't interested/ready for outings like that. I know it's tempting to do all those cute family trips with the great photo ops. The children's museum, the aquarium, the zoo. But some kids just don't want it. Give it a year or two..They may grow into it. But they may not. I mean presumably the trip to they library was for them to enjoy, right? But they didn't. You can't force a kid to like dining just because you would if you were a kid. So just take them to a jungle gym next time, or stay home. Last time I was at Disney world,I saw a family with a boy who looked around 4. They wanted him to take a picture with Mickey, and he wanted to chase a pigeon. My point being, you don't get to pick what you're kid thinks is a good time.

As for essential outings, like grocery shopping..I would try and take only one at a time whenever possible, and identify those trigger moments that usually spark the tantrums. Is it the snack aisle? Do they fight over who gets to sit in the cart? Do they want a drink? Come up with rules for these moments, and stick to them. If you say 'no, you can't have that snack now. You can open it in the car, and if you don't listen we're going home and you get nothing at all,' be prepared to carry out that consequence, even if it means leaving a cart full of food in aisle 7.
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miami85




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 2:19 am
Even in the park they have different interest levels--one can want a longer time and the other a shorter time. It's not so simple to just do them one at a time, can't always get sitters every time we want to do something. The trips aren't usually long, and the fight is often about walking vs. being in the cart/stroller--when one wants out the other wants out, and when one wants in, the other wants in--even in a shopping cart designed for two kids. The older one can walk nicely, but the younger one just wants to run around but then screams when he's told no/has to go back in. The Ikea shopping trip was something to do that was indoors, and we wanted to look for something there (the store claims to be kid friendly--part of the problem was we left something in the car and there' no way to exit the store until you've seen everything so the trip just became a nightmare).

I do try to give consequences that I can carry out, but it's hard to come up with them when either a)I have a mission that hasn't been completed yet b)The other one is acting nicely and I want to reward his good behavior b/c if I say "we're leaving now" and the older one isn't ready I won't be able to handle two screaming toddlers by myself. When at all possible I will try to take them separately as my DH has a hard time handling the two of them together.

Again, I'm experienced with toddlers and preschoolers, my DH isn't. It just kills me that we can't ever do anything as a family without it becoming stressful. We haven't even TRIED paid trips yet partly because of this issue. And my DH is getting more and more discouraged by our attempts at outings that he's becoming more and more uninterested.

Even getting time alone has been an issue, we can't afford babysitters too often, but when we do it often backfires on us as well, because then they don't go to sleep well, often wake up in the middle of the night or sleep in our beds. The one babysitter we use most often who knows our kids well wants us to bring them to her house, so that means packing them up, and then bringing them home--last time they were still awake at 10:30 pm

We can't even get them to go to sleep early so we can get time to ourselves.
Tonight we attempted to take food out and eat outside on the porch while someone was able to watch them inside the house b/c they were still awake. By the time we got them inside and left us alone we got maybe a 1/2 hr to ourselves before we heard a scream and had to go inside. Then they took forever to fall asleep.

And then after the hard trip DH just collapses from the exhaustion and I end up doing everything else.
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miami85




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 2:43 am
Oh yea, and then to top it off, when we finally paid for a babysitter recently to go to a wedding, my DH spent most of the night worrying that they were giving the babysitter a hard time, or that we were going to get back late. We couldn't just enjoy ourselves!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 3:40 am
Your kids are 2 and 3 for pete's sake! They are being perfectly normal. I think you expect way too much from them, and from DH too. I'm sure they'd be a lot happier sitting at the table with some Playdoh, instead of being expected to act like 10 year olds at a museum (and 10 years olds get bored and whiny on trips, too.)

In other words, you are being totally and completely unrealistic.
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 7:57 am
I think you need to know your kids. If one can stay long but one can't, split up. Have your DH stay home with the one who doesn't do as well out of the house and you go out with the child who can.

Also, I find knowing where you are going the day before is really helpful. You can be all packed and ready to go so you can leave at your kids schedule.

My kids prefer to get out in the morning, run around and have fun, then lunch, nap and a lazier afternoon.
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 8:00 am
I get your struggle..2 of my kids were close in age so I had at a time a 2 and a 3 year old. Outings were very very difficult. I really really only went out once dh was home from work and I could take one at a time, or on weekends. Yes, it was hard to arrange, but that's life. Like I said, in a year or two they will be old enough to take together in a calmer fashion.

Also, just because a place is kid friendly doesn't mean it's YOUR kid friendly. Honestly, if you know your kids like to run wild (completely age appropriate for their ages) I'm not sure why you would bring them to Ikea. If you do that, either one parent watches them play while the other shops, or be prepared for the fact that it will probably end in a meltdown.

And lastly, if they have different stamina levels, cater to the lower one if they're together. There's nothing wrong with telling the 3 year old, 'okay we need to leave the park now because yehuda is getting tired. We can come back tomorrow.' Bring a stroller so that you can strap an unwilling kid in.
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miami85




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 9:42 am
I wish they still had places like "Discovery Zone"--places where toddlers can bounce around and run around.

So the basic recommendation I'm getting is don't spend time with DH until my youngest is 5 (if we always have to go places separately). I don't think that's a realistic option. I mean sometimes we just want to go for a walk with them in the stroller, but then comes the stroller struggle.

Where CAN I take my kids that they can get their energy out that's inexpensive besides a park?

And again I'm much more tolerant with them, it's my DH that gets all frustrated, and uptight, so I can't really enjoy myself and then end up regretting the whole thing.
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Queen6




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 10:25 am
I think you're not being realistic. Your kids are VERY little. I've made that mistake too and yes it's very stressful to take 2 screaming kids to the mall!
You gotta think more practical. Open bounce areas, parks, sprinkler parks, zoos, visit grandparents.....
If a trip isn't planned well it's a disaster. You have to stick with age appropriate.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 10:26 am
What's the stroller struggle?
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 10:46 am
I understand having lots of little kids. mine are currently 6, 4, 3 and 1.

If you want to go out as a family, I think your husband needs to work on letting go. Go to places where the kids can run around like crazy and not bother anyone. We like to go to parks (and vary the ones we go to). Walk around lakes, go "hiking" at nature centers...my kids like to run and jump and touch and feel. They CAN go crazy outdoors.

Where do you live? Maybe we can suggest some good locations.
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acccdac




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 11:25 am
MaBelleVie wrote:
What's the stroller struggle?


this has been puzzling me too!

if you have 2 that close do you not have a double?
do you have 2 separate strollers? (my kids were spaced so I never purchased a stroller but I always had a full stroller and then an umbrella one)
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MamaBear




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 11:27 am
Maybe bring a mother's helper with you?

Parenting little kids and going out and about with them is never easy. You have to change your expectations and learn to enjoy the few minutes they're not hitting each other, whining or throwing tantrums.

By the time you have a 5 yr old you might have a third and then you'll have a baby to take with you who has its own needs, feeding, napping etc etc

So when does it truly get easier? I guess when they grow up and they move it? jk
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JollyMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 12:13 pm
when I had a 2 year old and baby and later when I had 5, 2, baby I NEVER went anywhere with just myself and them. I had a great neighbor who even by age 9 would shlep around with me and was so sweet and helpful. Also, my kids would want to hold her hand and it helped me so much.

Find a kid 9-12 years old who will come with you. It makes a huge difference.

I LOVE taking my kids on outings, but I in those days I had 2 hour max after that we're done. So, if the traveling was long we would stay only 30 minutes or an hour.

Now they're a little older (youngest is 2) and much easier. I still have a 3 hour max almost always.

Try to enjoy them and not have any serious mission when you bring the kids with you.
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bnm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 2:03 pm
they do have places like Discovery Zone, just they are pricey. Where do you live?

I have a 5 and 3.5 year old on totally different levels, they like the park with sand and water play, Brooklyn Childrens Museum has a toddler 'under 5' area that they love, Ikea my big one goes to the kiddy area and my son rides the escalators, we found a grocery with little shopping carts for the kids, they like pushing it around. Kids n action- my big one goes into the maze and my little one sticks to the train and baby ball pit. Jungle Gym has a toddler ball pit too. They both enjoyed coney island, your kids are young enough to both go in the baby swings, mine aren't so I try going to the park where I can stand by the baby swings and see the big kid swings at the same time. then when its the big kid's turn to be pushed I can still see the other one climbing the play structures. all this didn't happen overnight, you have to see what works for you and go prepared for all posibilites, we don't leave home without water,snacks, blankies, extra pampers and wipes etc etc. I have walked out of the grocery leaving a loaded shopping cart, I have had my kids paint the walls in the pizza shop with ketchup and other times sit there like perfect little angels. I find the trick is for them to be well rested and fed before we leave the house.
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