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Babysitter nightmare WWYD?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 8:40 pm
posting amother because I already told people about this IRL.

please tell me what you would do in this situation cuz I'm at a loss.

I thought I found a great babysitter. seemed nice and had good references. she's a woman who recently was divorced and I think she's doing babysitting more to keep herself busy rather than for the money, which worked gr8 for me because right now I only need a few hours between preschool and when I get home for my one child.

I'm a teacher so I still have a few days left before officially starting the school year. today I had a doctor appointment and decided afterwards I would like to go clothes shopping and let the babysitter stay with my son so he can get used to her (and so I could shop!)

I get a text from her after itold her I would be home soon saying that while my son was napping she went ouside to the car to put money in the meter and got locked out.
I don't know how long she was locked out for.

I was so flustered about it when I got home and did'nt know if I should fire her or just talk to her about it. I very calmly told her I would rather she did NOT do this. (long story logistically but very few times due to the hours she would be by me would she have to go to a meter). but the more and more I think about it I am fuming and anxious and feel like I cannot trust this woman with something that should be complete common sense.

she has a set of my keys and we had made up she would come back next week.

how would you handle the situation? would you keep the babysitter and just have a firm talk about why this wasn't acceptable? would you assume right away that this was unacceptable fire her right away? would you wait to fire her until you could find a suitable replacement?

I'm running out of time.. help!!!!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 8:44 pm
Does she do anything else that makes you nervous?

I don't see any harm in running out to the meter for a few seconds. Anyone can get accidentally locked out, if it's a one time mistake.

If she has a pattern of being scatter brained, I would worry. If not, just tell her that she really needs to be careful about taking the keys with her, and that if it happens again then she's out of a job.

If she's otherwise a good baby sitter, I'd give her a second chance. Good sitters are hard to find!

Bottom line, trust your gut instincts.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 8:46 pm
Do you have a door that automatically locks behind you, which she may not have realized? I would call back some references and ask if this scenario sounds characteristic of her or not. But if you have an auto locking front door I would be a lot more forgiving. Did she call you immediately when it happened?

ETA which part is unacceptable to you?
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vintagebknyc




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 8:47 pm
are you more upset that she'll be repeatedly leaving to put $$ in the meter?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 8:48 pm
but I feel like she shouldn't have left him like that to begin with. WHAT IF something happened? there are so many possibilities. and she didn't call me first to ask me if it were ok? I knew based on the time of day she came to me this time tht she would have to go out but I assumed that she had common sense to go BEFORE his nap. not during. can I trust her? she seems a little ditsy but I didn't think anything of it until this incident.
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SplitPea




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 8:59 pm
amother wrote:
but I feel like she shouldn't have left him like that to begin with. WHAT IF something happened? there are so many possibilities. and she didn't call me first to ask me if it were ok? I knew based on the time of day she came to me this time tht she would have to go out but I assumed that she had common sense to go BEFORE his nap. not during. can I trust her? she seems a little ditsy but I didn't think anything of it until this incident.


I am mom who is a safety freak. If I needed to feed the meter within sight of my house (as in on the same street within a few houses away) I 100% would go while a kid was napping rather than schlep them out. Honestly it makes sense. What's the major problem with that? Unless it was on the next block or something what's your issue with this?

As for being locked out like other said it happens... To even the best parents
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 9:09 pm
If you can give her a parking spot that would obviously be best. Otherwise it is not irresponsible IMO to run out to put coins in the meter right in front of the house. My babysitter used to take out the garbage when the baby was napping because it was much easier to manage than juggling a baby alongside. I never thought anything of it. I do the same myself.
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ronbonboo




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 9:13 pm
The issue isn't your child was left alone the issue is that your child was locked alone in the house. Why not put a sign on the door "did you remember house keys?" And from now on she'll take the keys.
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 9:50 pm
amother wrote:
but I feel like she shouldn't have left him like that to begin with. WHAT IF something happened? there are so many possibilities. and she didn't call me first to ask me if it were ok? I knew based on the time of day she came to me this time tht she would have to go out but I assumed that she had common sense to go BEFORE his nap. not during. can I trust her? she seems a little ditsy but I didn't think anything of it until this incident.


Huh? So you would have been happier that she would have left him awake, alone, and scared rather than asleep without letting she was missing? You want her to call you every time she puts money in the meter? Should she call you every time she uses the bathroom, too? To make sure it's a good time?

Obviously, she needs to be more careful. But she probably thought she was doing the responsible thing..locking the door behind her even though she was only leaving for a moment. But she forgot the key. She was probably nervous for her first day. If this sort of thing keeps happening, then I'd say let her go. But mistakes happen to even the most competent.
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GoldFlowers




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 9:53 pm
I don't have advice but I could tell you that I wouldn't be ok with it.

Yup, she should've asked you first if you're ok that she leaves the house, especially if it's the first time she's babysitting. And she should've thought about auto lock before she left. Responsibility is considering different scenarios BEFORE they happen.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 9:58 pm
groovy1224 wrote:
Huh? So you would have been happier that she would have left him awake, alone, and scared rather than asleep without letting she was missing? You want her to call you every time she puts money in the meter? Should she call you every time she uses the bathroom, too? To make sure it's a good time?

Obviously, she needs to be more careful. But she probably thought she was doing the responsible thing..locking the door behind her even though she was only leaving for a moment. But she forgot the key. She was probably nervous for her first day. If this sort of thing keeps happening, then I'd say let her go. But mistakes happen to even the most competent.


ok ok first of all don't attack me. I'm looking for advice in a safe haven forum not to be reamed at.
second of all.. no. OBVIOUSLY I don't want her to leave him awake, I dont really want her to leave him at all.

most of the time she doesn't need to use the meter because usually she'll be here when the meter doesn't need to be paid. but she left without asking and that seems like a pretty big deal to leave a sleeping baby without first telling the parents.
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SplitPea




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 10:03 pm
amother wrote:
ok ok first of all don't attack me. I'm looking for advice in a safe haven forum not to be reamed at.
second of all.. no. OBVIOUSLY I don't want her to leave him awake, I dont really want her to leave him at all.

most of the time she doesn't need to use the meter because usually she'll be here when the meter doesn't need to be paid. but she left without asking and that seems like a pretty big deal to leave a sleeping baby without first telling the parents.


Okay so THIS time would you rather her gotten a ticket and NOT feed the meter
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MamaBear




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 10:04 pm
Well she can take the child with her to pay the meter obviously, before nap time....

OP, she didn't say anything more detailed about it? Like, the door slammed behind her?

This happened to me once - it was so horrible (and potentially dangerous to my toddler and baby) and I can tell you it never happened again!
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justcallmeima




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 10:06 pm
So if you think it's a big deal and you think she's ditsy then let her go. What difference does it make if 100 women tell you it's not a big deal to them. To you it is, and it's your child. If you don't feel comfortable with her judgement, then forget about it.
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 10:12 pm
amother wrote:
ok ok first of all don't attack me. I'm looking for advice in a safe haven forum not to be reamed at.
second of all.. no. OBVIOUSLY I don't want her to leave him awake, I dont really want her to leave him at all.

most of the time she doesn't need to use the meter because usually she'll be here when the meter doesn't need to be paid. but she left without asking and that seems like a pretty big deal to leave a sleeping baby without first telling the parents.


No one's attacking you, and I have no idea where the safe haven issue comes in- first of all this isn't one, and even if it were, I didn't say anything to 'ream' anybody, but okay.

You did say:
amother wrote:

I assumed that she had common sense to go BEFORE his nap. not during.


Meaning, in the event that she did have to go out, you would have preferred her to go while he was awake. But honestly if I were in her position, I would have thought it was better to go in once the baby were asleep.

Also, I don't think she was looking at it as 'leaving a sleeping baby.' unless as a pp said, the car was far away. If her car was right in front of the house, or very very close, I wouldn't see an issue with that. If she left to go get a coffee, it would be another story, but a trip to the meter is very quick.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 10:14 pm
SplitPea wrote:
Okay so THIS time would you rather her gotten a ticket and NOT feed the meter


no, I would have had her pay the meter before putting him to sleep. its a 4 hour meter its not like she has to feed the meter every hour.
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HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 10:14 pm
OP do you expect her to call you every time she does something?

The problem that working moms have is leaving our kids to someone else and trusting them to look after them. But there is a limit to how tight we can hold their string. I mean what time he naps and where she takes him you can be in control of but whether she goes out to feed the meter (right outside the house) whilst he naps, you honestly expect her to call you?

I would do that and I can be a real safety freak sometimes. I am petrified to leave my kids with a babysitter and I do it every day from 9-6. And I would go outside the house to take out garbage, collect mail or feed a meter especially if my kid was napping.

As for the locking out, happens to the best of us. We forget, we think the door will stay open etc.
Keep her. Keep an eye and if you see anything else that frstrates you perhaps you do need to find someone better suited for your child and yourself.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 10:16 pm
groovy1224 wrote:
Meaning, in the event that she did have to go out, you would have preferred her to go while he was awake. But honestly if I were in her position, I would have thought it was better to go in once the baby were asleep.

Also, I don't think she was looking at it as 'leaving a sleeping baby.' unless as a pp said, the car was far away. If her car was right in front of the house, or very very close, I wouldn't see an issue with that. If she left to go get a coffee, it would be another story, but a trip to the meter is very quick.


no. meaning. she was at the park with him before the nap. why did she have to come into the house to put him to sleep and THEN go. I feel like she should have brought him with her and THEN put him to sleep.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 10:19 pm
Tread carefully.

If she was being honest, if you live in a house (not an apartment), if her car was right in front, if she texted you immediately, if you otherwise trust her, I'd give her another chance.

But since it was her first day, I don't know how you can really trust her yet.

And the rest are big ifs. How do you know that she was just feeding the meter? How do you know how long she spent trying to figure out a way in, so you wouldn't know what happened, before texting you? And for heavens sake, she had her phone, nut not the keys?

Our first sitter told a similar story when DD was about 13 months, except she didn't text. When I came home, she said it had just happened. Turns out it happened more than an hour before I came home. And that people had seen her walking around without DD other times. Thank you Hashem for keeping DD safe. And thank you tween neighbor for telling me all of this even though your parents told you not to.

Anon because of the identifiable story.
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 19 2014, 10:23 pm
amother wrote:
no. meaning. she was at the park with him before the nap. why did she have to come into the house to put him to sleep and THEN go. I feel like she should have brought him with her and THEN put him to sleep.


Maybe she just forgot about it, and only realized when the meter was about to expire? Maybe she set an alarm on her phone? (I do that for long term meters.)

I'm not saying I'd be thrilled with this story if I were you. I would be upset as well. But it does sound like an honest mistake. If anything similar keeps happening, I'd be on red alert. You do want the person watching your child to have a brain, but these things still do happen.
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