Until What Age is a Woman Attractive and Desirable

amother

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 12:45 pm

I'm having aging fears because of this issue although of course we all want to reach old age, in happiness and health. I want to be seen as attractive and desireable. Not for the wrong reasons. Just because as a woman, it's important to me. I turned 30. I know it's still very young. But I'm scared of losing my looks and beauty as we age. 30 to 35 is a tiny jump and at that point ones is considered high risk for child rearing, and even here on imamother there is already a group for 35+. Am I just a leap away of being considered old?

When Paulina Porizkova was 42, she spoke about how hard it was for her to age because of her looks in her 20's and 30's. Not that I'm a supermodel or close to it, but there is obviously a universal age when women get looked at as less attractive and it scares me.

I'm not a materialistic person in general, so I don't know where this is coming from.

Can anyone relate?

pesek zman

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 1:28 pm

This is going to be harsh

To answer your question, I don't think attractiveness or looks fade at 30, 40 or even 50. But I'm not sure that should be a consolation to you.

You may not be a materialistic person vit you seem to be a vain person. Do you find that you 'get by' on your looks? I mean, as opposed to say, your personality or your smarts? If so, might be time to start developing yourself as more well rounded person. There's probably a lot more to you than your looks.

debsey

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 1:28 pm

amother wrote:

Yes, I can. Aging is scary for many reasons. NOT that 30 is actually considered aging......
Nowadays, with good nutrition, working out, etc, 50 is the new 30, etc. You can remain beautiful for years and years. And I agree with Ruchel - your husband is aging with you.

Tziril Miriam

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 1:29 pm

I'm 63. I was never considered one of the attractive girls. But I never lacked friends, and I married a wonderful very smart man who has continually loved me for many many years. Now I find that my looks are considered fine. I am in business and deal professionally with men. They treat me as a colleague and they are able to speak with me about sensitive information without embarrassment. Maybe if they perceived me as gorgeous I would not be doing so well in my professional career.
I am healthy and I dress appropriately. I look energetic and try to have a good attitude.
Most good men want a woman to love and care for them, and know that an "arm charm" is only helpful at certain social occasions.
If a woman can attain wealth and own valuable real estate, she is often considered more desirable as a marriage partner than a woman with only great looks.
Age is not the issue, nor is superficial beauty, for long-term success and happiness.

heidi

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 2:04 pm

OP, 30 was my most traumatic birthday ever. My friends made me a surprise party and my hubby made me another surprise party and I was still incredibly depressed-- feeling my life was half over, I'd never be young again, and I was over the hill. It took months to get over it.
Babe, I'm here to tell you it only gets better. More than a decade later I more confident than I have ever been, have lots of energy and love my life B"H. Don't let the birthday get you down-- I am still considered quite desirable to DH.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 2:09 pm

There are a few things going on here. Let us separate them:

One, if you are quite a good-looker when you were young, yes, you have farther to fall. That is going to hurt.

A woman who was never a stunner can age better psychologically, because she has less to lose. She will just keep appreciating what chic skills can do for her. She is grateful for them.

She may be indeed more attractive later, when she has learned more about presentation, and her face becomes less puffy with the natural sinking-in that comes with age.

Child-bearing: that's a big one, and you are not imagining that. Yes, if you are into that, don't put that off. It is baseball, not golf. It is a young person's game, in general, although there are exceptions.

Attractiveness: you do indeed lose the magic of the quite young - meaning the good-looking quite young, because the lack-luster young are ignored.

But - if you decide to look, talk, move, and think young, adjusting your presentation for your age, embracing the chic of your age, instead of aping cutesy young looks you are now too old for, you can wow 'em at

ANY AGE.

With the right wig. And taste.

So, very, very consciously, formally, make up your mind to stay young.

Don't let nature take its course and be unthinking, because that way you will indeed get old. It starts, if you let it, at 30, and the hammer can come down at 35, if you let it. So don't let it! Fight back and you will win.

If you consciously, intelligently and realistically work at it, with taste, always learning, you can project wonderful womanhood until you aren't ambulatory any more.

As long as you are walking unaided, you can turn heads and warm minds.

But have the kids now.

Once you aren't walking unaided, it's time to let it alone. But at 30 you have many fighting years ahead.

By conscious, I do not mean self-conscious. You should know what you are doing then more or less forget the whole thing and just live. You should have no anxiety because you don't OWN anything that doesn't look good on you. And, you have spent twenty to forty seconds thinking intensely about where you are going and how you should look there. Then you get it done and just enjoy and don't fuss.

Fussing isn't attractive. Fussing must be banished. Effortless correctness is the goal, and it is attainable. You pay up front in time, thought, energy and money, then you reap reward later because you are consistent and cool, and ready to run out the door in a few minutes, all those previous, careful decisions working for you, while you uncaringly enjoy the scenery.

rachel91

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 2:19 pm

I have the same fear, not actually about desirability, but about 'feeling old' in general.
Yes, I do feel old(er) with any birthday since my 21st.

But I don't worry about my looks, more about getting old(er) in general, since it's genetic in my family that women look younger than their age( my grandma, mum, aunt etc.)

You may judge me, because I'm considered very young on here, but that's how I feel.

And I agree, looks are less of a problem, with the right skincare, healthy eating and workout, you'll be fine op!

amother

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 3:23 pm

superdanni wrote:

I especially made sure to point out that I am not a materialistic person. I am well rounded and not reliant on my looks....I'm not a supermodel nor do I dress like one nor am I interested in male attention.

pesek zman

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 3:37 pm

amother wrote:

Maybe we have different definitions of materialistic. Materialistic, as I understand it, is Someone concerned with material possessions/money oriented. You keep saying that's not you, and it may not be, but vanity is a completely different thing: it's feeling of pride or admiration in your own appearance (which I thought is what we were discussing) That may not be you either, but it is worth nothing that they are 2 completely different things.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 3:37 pm

Ruchel wrote:

I also feel that it's scary to be old and don't want to lose my looks. And my intellect and personality are very developed, bh. But I want to feel I look good. I don't like the idea that I turned 30 despite my family made me an incredible full week of celebrations... I just don't like.

That was sweet of them but it made you focus on it.

For every year, even more elegance. Carefully dress what you have, and it, and you, will always look good.

Next thing is, cherish every age. Every year is a little different from every other one, and every year has its unique precious perspective. Kvetching is not appropriate. During your twenties, you savored every year; you have had your dose. You still be "young" because the world never ages, so if you are in touch with the world, you don't either.

Every age has some unique value, and something to give you.

Just as with children. You don't favor one year over another, you love each one according to its unique qualities. No comparing.

If you have fully engaged each year, you have no regrets.

Last edited by Dolly Welsh on Wed, Aug 27 2014, 3:39 pm; edited 1 time in total

gittelchana

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 3:45 pm

amother wrote:

I can relate.

I am in my early thirties too.

I'm learning to look beautiful for my age as I progress in my years. My mother and grandmother are still beautiful today. They don't look young, they look beautiful at their age and stage.

CatLady

Wed, Aug 27 2014, 3:49 pm

Quote:

Don't let nature take its course and be unthinking, because that way you will indeed get old. It starts, if you let it, at 30, and the hammer can come down at 35, if you let it. So don't let it! Fight back and you will win.

Quoted for UNtruth! Dolly, you're one of the people on imamother who I'd most like to meet IRL, but I'm picking my battles, and the battle against aging gracefully is not one that I wish to engage in. I'm 58, Size 1-2X, with gray hair and laugh lines (I laugh a LOT!), and I'm attractive. At least I think so. I look in the mirror and I see a woman who's comfortable in her own skin, happy with her life, healthy and confident. If people don't want to be in the company of happy people, that's not my problem. Wink

Age and mobility don't necessarily factor into it, either. I once accompanied my wheelchair-bound mother (OBM) to a doctor's appointment and she got chatted up in the waiting room by a gentleman of a certain age. She wasn't glam in the least bit, in fact she was dressed in the old-lady uniform of pastel polyester pull-on pants and a boxy blouse. She wasn't feeling well, hence the doctor's visit. But she could have sealed the deal and made a coffee date right then and there.

tl;dr version: Growing older may seem scary, but it's actually awesome and the alternative is worse.