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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants
Baby won't sleep without holding my hand
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amother


 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 6:28 am
This just started this week as I began training her to go to sleep on her own using pick up out down. I would put my hand on her chest to calm her down but then she wouldn't let me move my hand away, crying the second I moved it. She is only calm if my hand is there, and she likes to hold it. How do I get her to go to sleep without holding my hand? I want her to learn to go to sleep on her own without needing me there. She is 8 months old btw
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cinnamon




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 6:47 am
A security blanket always worked really well for me.
Does she have one?
When she is almost asleep holding your hand remove it gently and replace with a security blanket for a few nights.
Than slowly try putting her down just with the blanket.
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pickle321




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 8:09 am
cinnamon wrote:
A security blanket always worked really well for me.
Does she have one?
When she is almost asleep holding your hand remove it gently and replace with a security blanket for a few nights.
Than slowly try putting her down just with the blanket.


Thank you I will try this. Is it a special type of blanket or any blanket? Also is it safe for her to sleep with it? I never let her sleep with a blanket since she's born (other than swaddling) b/c I'm scared of suffocation.

(Don't know why I was anonymous)
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MMCH




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 8:14 am
k first of all that is absolutely adorable .

second of all I would give baby a soft cozy blanket to let him hold. or a small soft stuffed animal.
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Smile1234




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 8:54 am
Put the blanket under your hand when you put your hand on his chest. If she's really sleeping when you take your hand off, she'll still think your hand is there because she'll feel the pressure of the blanket and the warmth... and eventually she'll associate the blanket w/ sleep.
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itssimplyme




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 8:58 am
awwwww! She sounds like such a little dumpling. To be honest, I would not be able to stop holding her. I would carry on letting her hold your hand, she is so so very young. She'll grow out of eventually. Soon she'll get sick of your hand and get excited about a teddy bear or something trust me. Let her have the comfort of her mummy's hand for now, don't take it away from her
This is just tooo sweet, I would honestly absolutely love to have a little girl like that.
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 9:02 am
That's the cutest problem I've ever heard of lol.

I give my 9 month old a knit blanket. It's a very open knit, so I don't worry about strangulation, plus he is old enough move his head well. This is just the age for transitional objects; she's sounds like she's just looking for the security.
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pickle321




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 9:54 am
itssimplyme wrote:
awwwww! She sounds like such a little dumpling. To be honest, I would not be able to stop holding her. I would carry on letting her hold your hand, she is so so very young. She'll grow out of eventually. Soon she'll get sick of your hand and get excited about a teddy bear or something trust me. Let her have the comfort of her mummy's hand for now, don't take it away from her
This is just tooo sweet, I would honestly absolutely love to have a little girl like that.


BH she is an adorable girl and she really loves her mommy (me) she has become very attached to me recently which is probly why she doesn't do this to my husband when he puts her to bed. Although it is really sweet I think it's important for her to learn to fall asleep on her own. Also to clarify the problem is only when she's falling asleep, once she's asleep I can move my hand away right away and she continues sleeping. The problem is getting her calm enough to be able to fall asleep without holding my hand. I will try the blanket idea or maybe a stuffed animal
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itssimplyme




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 11:17 am
pickle321 wrote:
BH she is an adorable girl and she really loves her mommy (me) she has become very attached to me recently which is probly why she doesn't do this to my husband when he puts her to bed. Although it is really sweet I think it's important for her to learn to fall asleep on her own. Also to clarify the problem is only when she's falling asleep, once she's asleep I can move my hand away right away and she continues sleeping. The problem is getting her calm enough to be able to fall asleep without holding my hand. I will try the blanket idea or maybe a stuffed animal


I know but she is only 8 months old Smile
If it's only when she's falling asleep it's no different from having mummy read a book to her, which happens until years later. When I was 8 I went to stay the night at a friend's house and her mother was playing her music to fall asleep to, so what's the difference between that and holding her mother's hand? Honestly I wouldn't worry about it at all. Even at the age of 16 she will still want to cuddle you some nights.
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invisiblecircus




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 11:18 am
itssimplyme wrote:
awwwww! She sounds like such a little dumpling. To be honest, I would not be able to stop holding her. I would carry on letting her hold your hand, she is so so very young. She'll grow out of eventually. Soon she'll get sick of your hand and get excited about a teddy bear or something trust me. Let her have the comfort of her mummy's hand for now, don't take it away from her
This is just tooo sweet, I would honestly absolutely love to have a little girl like that.


Don't be so sure she'll grow out of it! My DD is still doing that at 2.5 years (she wants to hold BOTH hands) and I'm expecting another baby in a few weeks!
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 12:15 pm
To be honest, I don't find this an adorable problem at all. I'd find it nervewracking! It would bother me to be "tied" to this behavior for a sleep association. I would let her cry for a night or two and that should solve it. Definitely get a cozy blanket that she can associate with sleep. I buy the thermal ones from gerber because they have a waffle-knit style that is totally breathable. I actually wrapped my own head with it to try it out and was able to breathe fine.

The worst of my sleeping problems were when my baby was 8-9 months old but it gets better if you don't mind training.
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busydev




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 12:23 pm
my DS would only fall asleep if he was holding my hand and playing with my nails while my hand was against his cheek. it was cute but SO annoying to stand there. I was able to move it once he was sleeping... s.l.o.w.l.y. but if I tried to soon he was up and we started from square one.

I got a "lovey". it has a doll head (his is a bear) with a little blankie attached. they sell it in target and other places. And first I slept with it a couple days (so it smelled like me to give him comfort). then I had it next to his face when he was going to sleep. then I put it between my hand and his cheek and would direct his fingers to play with the stitching on the ear vs my fingernails.

now I just put it next to him and hes plays with that while he goes to sleep.

(I decided hes totally sensory... but we will see how it goes)

in your case I would go with a stuffed animal that has some weight on her belly. and first do your hand plus the animal and then only the animal. Hope it goes well!
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suzyq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 12:36 pm
busydev wrote:
I got a "lovey". it has a doll head (his is a bear) with a little blankie attached. they sell it in target and other places. And first I slept with it a couple days (so it smelled like me to give him comfort). then I had it next to his face when he was going to sleep. then I put it between my hand and his cheek and would direct his fingers to play with the stitching on the ear vs my fingernails.

now I just put it next to him and hes plays with that while he goes to sleep.

(I decided hes totally sensory... but we will see how it goes)


Sleeping with a soft object and then giving it to your baby is a great idea. For a while, my son cried and cried when I dropped him with the babysitter. So I slept with a blankie tucked inside my shirt (we have lots of interchangable ones, we use flannel receiving blankets) and when I dropped him off, I handed it to him. No crying! It works because it has mommy's smell on it. Try it for a few days, and then you might not have to even sleep with it anymore - your baby will transfer her affection to the blankie. VERY helpful.
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 12:41 pm
I read somewhere to nurse your baby with the lovey snuggled with you so that he associates the lovey with comfort and with you and with nourishment. But nursing was always a struggle for a long time so I didn't even attempt this. I stuck with what worked and that was that.
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busydev




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 12:52 pm
mandr wrote:
I read somewhere to nurse your baby with the lovey snuggled with you so that he associates the lovey with comfort and with you and with nourishment. But nursing was always a struggle for a long time so I didn't even attempt this. I stuck with what worked and that was that.


I also nursed with it between me esp at bedtime for the first few weeks. sometimes he would start playing with my nails and holding my hand while nursing so I would direct his hand to the lovey. now tho we just keep it in his crib.
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pickle321




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 1:06 pm
Thanks everyone! She actually has a lovey with a monkey head that someone gave us so I will sleep with that tonight and nurse her with it tomorrow and then put her to bed with it. The only thing is I think the head jingles so is it a bad idea to use that? In case the jingling wakes her?

I don't want to let her cry it out I don't like the idea and I don't think it's necessary in this situation I think the lovey idea should work
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 1:10 pm
pickle321 wrote:


I don't want to let her cry it out I don't like the idea and I don't think it's necessary in this situation I think the lovey idea should work

If the lovey idea won't work out, don't feel bad to do "controlled crying" - that is NOT cry it out. You don't have to let her cry for longer than 5 minutes. It's not bad and it really works - fast. So save it as a last resort Smile
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pickle321




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 1:15 pm
mandr wrote:
If the lovey idea won't work out, don't feel bad to do "controlled crying" - that is NOT cry it out. You don't have to let her cry for longer than 5 minutes. It's not bad and it really works - fast. So save it as a last resort Smile


What exactly is controlled crying?
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 1:18 pm
pickle321 wrote:
What exactly is controlled crying?

CIO - let baby cry for long periods of time until he stops.
Controlled crying - let baby cry for a small amount of time, say 4-5 minutes. Go in to comfort baby for 30 seconds. Then come out. Baby will often start to cry again. This time wait a bit longer before going in again. Repeat until child is asleep. Also, do not let baby cry if he is hungry, sick, etc. This works when when you know he's not hungry or sick but he's just not going to sleep. After two or three days, baby cries for much less and then stops crying altogether. You can do this for nap times too so you don't have the stress for at night Wink
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pickle321




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 28 2014, 1:44 pm
mandr wrote:
CIO - let baby cry for long periods of time until he stops.
Controlled crying - let baby cry for a small amount of time, say 4-5 minutes. Go in to comfort baby for 30 seconds. Then come out. Baby will often start to cry again. This time wait a bit longer before going in again. Repeat until child is asleep. Also, do not let baby cry if he is hungry, sick, etc. This works when when you know he's not hungry or sick but he's just not going to sleep. After two or three days, baby cries for much less and then stops crying altogether. You can do this for nap times too so you don't have the stress for at night Wink


ok I will save this as a last last resort but hoping I wont have to use it. I tried this once and it did not work she just kept getting more and more upset and I finally just gave up, its too hard for me to hear her so upset. but I dont think I will need to do this anyway
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