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Support for friend no longer in kollel
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amother
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Post Mon, Jan 25 2016, 11:22 pm
amother wrote:
I just want to assure you that you are doing the right thing and a huge chessed by even considering continuing support after the recipient left kollel. After my DH left kollel was the hardest time of our lives. I felt so lost and alone. We had no more kollel stipend or other "benefits" but he was not yet making any income because he had to train for a career since he wasn't cut out for continuing in kodesh. He left kollel partly because of money (partly because it was time to move on but THAT was partly because money was becoming an issue and I was getting burnt out from working and mothering so much) and now we had even less money and I was working even harder than before, while meanwhile losing the pride of being one of the kollel families. I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere - I couldn't live at all like the balabatim but I wasn't one of the kollel wives either, not to mention that I wasn't going to have much of a social life with either group because I was too busy working my head off trying to keep us alive. It was a really dark time.

So continuing to support them through the transition is an amazing thing not only because of the money, which I can guarantee is a huge help in this situation, but also for feeling like you're not alone, you're not dumped just because you graduated from kollel. Someone still cares about you. You can't even imagine how much that could mean to someone who is in middle of a life change.


Thank you. I am OP. I continue to give them support basically because I couldn't figure out how to stop. I am glad you explained to this to me. I think they are grateful for the money because they have a large family, but I am glad to know the emotional aspect.
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