"ex" relative on facebook

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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miami85

Wed, Sep 03 2014, 10:08 am

So through the in-law grapevine, I found out that one of my husband's cousins is getting a divorce. I have been "friends" with her on facebook, but the only real connection we have is that sometimes she helps me with unlocking new levels on games--we've had a few posts on each other's pages but other than that nothing. There hasn't been any "chatter" of the divorce on Facebook, I only know about it b/c other relatives told me, and subsequently I've seen that she has moved and now has changed her last name back to her maiden name. I'm trying to figure out if I should continue to be facebook "friends" with her if she is no longer related to me (I don't know the status of the divorce proceedings). Ftr she isn't even Jewish and I've never even met her.

HonesttoGod

Wed, Sep 03 2014, 10:42 am

I wouldn't just go and unfriend her suddenly, that seems pretty mean to me especially since you don't ahve much to do with her. Perhaps just add her to your acquaintance group on facebook and only post things under friends except acquaintances so that this way she doesn't know better but she doesn't see all your posts (And yuo can change settings so you don't see hers).

Or wait a couple months then unfriend her.

NaNachChick

Wed, Sep 03 2014, 11:07 am

It would be weird to unfriend her. just leave it.

amother

Wed, Sep 03 2014, 11:15 am

not wierd at all. I am married for the second time now and my best friend is my ex first cousin.

morah

Wed, Sep 03 2014, 12:57 pm

No need to unfriend her. My mom is friends with all my dad's siblings-they've always been on good terms- and the divorce predates Facebook by about a decade, so it was an intentional friending.

miami85

Wed, Sep 03 2014, 3:16 pm

Thanks, I never knew about "acquaintances" I guess the ONLY reason to keep in contact with her is b/c her kids are technically my cousins-in-law-once-removed, although they are not Jewish, but I am facebook "friends" with her (ex) husband (the cousin-in-law).

I didn't think it was "publicized" that you "unfriend" someone. Someone I know "unfriended" me and I didn't even know about it until someone told me that this person had "unfriended" a whole bunch of people, didn't even realize.

CatLady

Wed, Sep 03 2014, 3:26 pm

The main thing in your relationship is that you're Facebook friends, not relatives, so why bother unfriending her?

miami85

Tue, Sep 16 2014, 7:25 pm

CatLady wrote:

The main thing in your relationship is that you're Facebook friends, not relatives, so why bother unfriending her?

I guess because I was only "friends" with her to begin with because she was married to my husband's cousin, and now I think the divorce is final so what's the point in keeping her?

zaq

Tue, Sep 16 2014, 8:31 pm

miami85 wrote:

I guess because I was only "friends" with her to begin with because she was married to my husband's cousin, and now I think the divorce is final so what's the point in keeping her?

Surely you jest?

What difference does it make why or how you got together to begin with--that's history. You and your dh were once total strangers in past history, too. As of now, do you or do you not have some sort of mutually satisfying relationship? If the answer is no, you dislike her but associate with her only because she's baggage attached to a relative, fine, drop her, as she's no longer attached to said relative. But if the answer is yes, she's now a friend, even if it's only a facebook game-level friend, why would you drop her? Would you appreciate being dropped if you and your dh split up?

OTOH, given your own words, "what's the point in keeping her"--well, if that's your attitude, if I were she, I'd be dropping YOU faster than you could say the words.

ElTam

Wed, Sep 17 2014, 7:10 pm

Just leave it alone.

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