What's wrong with traveling to school?

amother

Tue, Sep 09 2014, 2:53 pm

As someone who went out of state for high school, I have to agree with the OP. It is absolutely a consistent reaction from people from anywhere I've been and it's come up (Brooklyn, Queens, Monsey, even OOT). Whenever anybody finds out that I traveled for schooling, the automatic assumption is that I was either a problem child or needed to get out of a bad home situation. They never continue the conversation to find out that it happened to be a really good fit and that I had a wonderful experience there...it's a shame because sometimes the local schools just don't cut it and the negative connotation is really unfair.

To those of you who've never heard of it....maybe because you've never traveled for school or sent your kids away, so how would you ever receive that reaction??

HonesttoGod

Tue, Sep 09 2014, 4:13 pm

It is definitely more convenient to send a kid to a local school.

Keep in mind even "local" schools, ifyou send your kid on the bus, they can be on it for an hour plus.

I am glad you look back at it as a fun time but honestly, was it easy for you at the time? Maybe because you had no other choice but I know someone who travels 45minutes in the car (no traffic) with her kids every day to and from school. SHe has no choice but she hates it and her kids hate it.
It takes up 4 hours of her day, her kids are cranky and tired and restless in the car. And I know a few families like this.

That said it is also not always so simple, for example if I wanted to send my kid to school in another city, whilst it may be the best school for her I don't have a car so transportation would be an issue. Forget the 1.5 hour drive each way. It would be easier to just move to the city where the school is. Or find a more local school that I like.
Obviously this is not always an option for everyone but again, if it IS, if there ARE local schools, why not send them there.

edited to add: I DID travel OOT for high school because there was no high school for me where I lived. I used to live by another family in the other town and go home every 3-4 weeks. It was NOT easy and whilst I loved school, I hated not having my family nearby and having to only be there for a shabbos every few weeks.

DrMom

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 4:30 am

I don't think it's such an ideal situation, but I understand sometimes there are factors that weigh in favor of commuting. Just like with jobs.

Personally, I would do all I can to avoid long commutes; I hate thinking of all those wasted hours.

I don't understand why anyone would think ill of a student who commutes. I have work colleagues who commute to work and it would never occur to me to look down on them for it. The very notion strikes me as odd.

imasinger

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 5:18 am

I think there are two separate issues (at least).

1. Is it good for the child to commute? The answer here is a big, fat "it depends." What are the gains and losses? What are the needs of the family, and the particular child? For some kids, having the best fit is paramount, and it doesn't matter if their ride is longer because of it. For others, the sacrifices of sleep, homework time, free time at home or with friends, nearby classmates to spend time with on Shabbos, or parental connection (since many commuting kids are in carpools) are too much.

The imoortant thing is to think long and hard about the child and the family's values. Chanoch l'na'ar al pi darko.

But it is very much a personal decision for each child in each family.

2. Is it anyone else's business to make assumptions about a person or family, especially when you may not know the thinkng that went into their decision?

No. And would you want your child to marry into a family that was so poor at dl"z?

Then, why rule out options based on how they might impact shidduchim?

I am sorry to hear that this kind of convoluted thinking is widespread enough to merit a post.

Ruchel

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 5:31 am

People would normally be in awe of someone being "messirut nefesh" for chinuch. My dh had classmates who came from wayyyyy out of town and the mothers didn't work because they drove them each way 2+ hours. Yes. Often when they were already there... they stayed in town for the day and killed them- not as fun as you picture. These were MO to yeshivish families who were committed enough to not public school (not lite MO, not inconsistent lite yeshivish etc).

I wonder if it's not a """subtle"'"" anti out of town stance. Ewww, no one too poor or too free minded to live in the big city.

catonmylap

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 7:13 am

Ruchel wrote:

This may mean a dangerous area, or no eruv, or tiny apartment on top floor no elevator...
If my kids one day need to "go far" it will be either because it's not affordable there, or because on contrary it's bad.

Possibly cheaper housing... but there was no eruv at the time where we were...

Raisin

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 9:03 am

Ruchel wrote:

I think everyone understands why a child or teen from a town with no frum school would travel to school. I think what is being discussed here is going from a town with many school options to another town far away for school.

HonesttoGod

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 11:44 am

I want to add that a: in general people growing up in a closed community like Monsey, Boro Park, Lakewood and I am sure many others cities worldwide, do not get what it means to travel. They have everything they need from underwear stores to nail salons to schools within a 15block radius and they are settled for life. Their parents and kids live there too. They never have to travel unless it is for an "oot" wedding in Baltimore. You get my gist.

and b: You can drive from Flatbush to a school in Boro Park (which many do) and it can take over an hour. Or you can drive an hour and be half way to Monsey. But why go to a school in Monsey when you can go to a school in Boro Park even though technically it may take the same amount of time to get there. It is a weird concept. But like I said before, why travel oot if you have a school in your city that is good for you. If you don't it is a whole other ball game.