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Leaving baby in car when dropping off older child
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:17 pm
I posted about this before a couple months ago but the situation has changed.

I drop off DC1 at playgroup and then drop off DC2 at the sitter. (due to the locations it makes more sense this way)

The playgroup morah likes the kids to be dropped off in the back- she has a small parking lot adjacent to her town house strip where we can park and then we have to walk the kids 2 houses in to her backyard. I cannot see the car the whole time due to bushes in the first backyard. But I am about 15 seconds away at the most.

Im not sure how comfortable I am leaving my baby there since I cannot see the car.

I have a remote starter, so I have been turning the car off and taking my keys with me and then after I take DC1 out of the car I start the car so it doesnt get to hot (or to cold come winter) for the 30 seconds it takes to walk him and get back.

I could technically take the baby out... but it will be a shlep ESP in the winter (it gets pretty cold here) and even now he fights going into his seat so every time it will take that much longer... and ill be that much later to work.

Is it really bad to leave him in there? I can see it taking a little longer in the winter (with snow and what not- but still not more then a minute)
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nyer1




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:20 pm
hm. I wouldn't. you never know what could happen.
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:21 pm
It bothers me a lot when people do this, but if you lock the car and take the keys with you, your baby should be safe. You also have to know the neighborhood, in some places it would be a definite no, even if you locked the car.
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chocolate chips




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:22 pm
Where is the parking lot in location to the street? Public access?
On the longest day (meaning drop off takes longer) how long does it take you to get back to the car? Add in tripping time (meaning if you trip and fall or stumble or meet someone).

Either way I would not switch off the car especially in the summer when it is hot a car can heat up in SECONDS!!!

Is there a place to park closer to the drop off location?

I would be uneasy about leaving a kid in an off car out of my sight for more than 1minute especially if there is a access for the public (ie on the street, public parking lot, open gates etc).
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:23 pm
My concern would be the risk of forgetting he's in the car and leaving him for longer than those 15 seconds. Everyone thinks she won't be that person, but the human brain is wired to get distracted under the right circumstances, and it can happen to anyone. Even if you think the heat or ac is running it can be a dangerous situation if that happened.
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mommyla




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:24 pm
Take the baby with you. 15 seconds away is still 15 seconds too long. Don't do it. It's not worth it.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:28 pm
I do this, as do all of the mothers in my neighborhood (not that I'm saying it's right, or optimal, but there is often no way to shlep out multiple children for drop-off.) We live in a very safe, all Jewish neighborhood. I personally will only do it when I can pull into the morah's driveway. If it is occupied I will wait until a space opens up so I am as close to the car as possible. I also leave the keys in the car because I don't want the baby to be hot or cold. But any way you cut it the process really bothers me. I find summers easiest when I can walk with a stroller.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:29 pm
chocolate chips wrote:
Where is the parking lot in location to the street? Public access?
On the longest day (meaning drop off takes longer) how long does it take you to get back to the car? Add in tripping time (meaning if you trip and fall or stumble or meet someone).

Either way I would not switch off the car especially in the summer when it is hot a car can heat up in SECONDS!!!

Is there a place to park closer to the drop off location?

I would be uneasy about leaving a kid in an off car out of my sight for more than 1minute especially if there is a access for the public (ie on the street, public parking lot, open gates etc).


so I dont think the "walk" should ever be more then a minute. also the car is not out of my sight the entire time but for maybe half of the "walk".
I turn off the car and then turn it back on before I close the door. its off for less time then it would be for me to get him out of the car too. and then I take my keys with me, leaving the door locked.

the parking lot is not on the street but there is public access. most of the cars that go by the access that I have seen have been other playgroup attendees. in the last week I think I saw another car drive by once.
its a pretty quiet neighborhood. not much going on. I can hear all the cars that go by on the street unless they are the very quiet type. and there are not THAT many cars so its not constant.

but im still somewhat uncomfortable about the whole idea.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:29 pm
I wouldnt.

What you should do is ask someone who is also dropping off to take your daughter in or if they can wait by the car for you to get back and leave your car on.

I will post anonymously because this isnt about me.
There was a father who left his kids in the car to drop something off at the cleaners. We've all done it, I've done it. The car is right by the door of the cleaners, you give them your telephone number, they count the pieces and you're done. While he was doing that a crazy woman got into the driver seat and drove away. Thank G-d there was a bris that morning and the streets were crowded so the car couldnt drive much. There were also people available to chase the car by foot and by car. The kids were all fine, lady was caught, etc. I cant say I changed my habits (still leave kids ages 4-11 in car at cleaners, but I take the keys with me and leave windows down). The point is you NEVER KNOW.
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:34 pm
amother wrote:
I do this, as do all of the mothers in my neighborhood (not that I'm saying it's right, or optimal, but there is often no way to shlep out multiple children for drop-off.) We live in a very safe, all Jewish neighborhood. I personally will only do it when I can pull into the morah's driveway. If it is occupied I will wait until a space opens up so I am as close to the car as possible. I also leave the keys in the car because I don't want the baby to be hot or cold. But any way you cut it the process really bothers me. I find summers easiest when I can walk with a stroller.

Leaving the keys in the car really scares me. Anyone could jump in and drive away. Even in one minute.
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pickle321




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:36 pm
I would never do this, like a previous poster mentioned, you never know what could happen. Is your older dc old enough that he can walk himself and you can ask the morah to call/text you that he got there? Or could u arrange with another mother who drops off at the same time to take turns walking ur kids?
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:37 pm
I would say don't- not because it's dangerous (I think it's perfectly safe), but because some idiot yenta might call CPS on you, and you definitely don't want to deal with that headache.
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momX4




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:49 pm
Is there an assistant?

When the weather is my DD's group play outside. In the winter my DD needs to be dropped off in the back. For the first 15 minutes we were told the assistant will be outside so we can do drop off fast. I had the same setup in daycamp.

There is always a chance the morah/another mom can get stuck talking to you, and it wont be a minute anymore.
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scrltfr




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 12:58 pm
morah wrote:
I would say don't- not because it's dangerous (I think it's perfectly safe), but because some idiot yenta might call CPS on you, and you definitely don't want to deal with that headache.



That idiot yenta just might save the child's life. Never leave your child alone in 2 seconds a lot can happen!
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 1:31 pm
scrltfr wrote:
That idiot yenta just might save the child's life. Never leave your child alone in 2 seconds a lot can happen!

Sorry, you are wrong. Children do not die from being left in the car while mom sprints older child to the school door. They die from being left for an hour on a hot day. You know what's more dangerous than leaving a baby in a car for 15 seconds in a private lot? Ripping children from their families needlessly because you didn't have the sechel to accurately judge the situation.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 1:32 pm
so im not leaving my keys in the car. its completely locked and completely running with the widows closed.

The problem is that its a very small playgroup so there is no assistant (yeah and its not legal) and she has two drop off times (early thats the same time as the local schools and then at 9) so there arent that many other mothers arriving at the same time. like at most 3 other mothers doing 9am drop off. so I cant count on them being there at the same time. right now DC cant go in without me because the back yard is gated and the closure is high enough that the children cannot reach.

I am very aware the whole time and would hope to keep being aware since I have to take out the keys and turn on the car again so its really in my mind that I have a baby in the car and need to get back. I can tell the morah that I can only talk at pickup not at drop off so that she doesnt try to talk with me then.

also even if I were to talk to another mother it prob would be by the parking lot cause the walkway is really narrow-my 3yo has to go in front of me- we dont fit next to each other and im pretty slim. so no mothers are standing there talking to each other cause there is no room.

I would never leave a child in the car to go into a store or cleaners cause there could be a line or whatever and you never know how much time it would be. but something that I consistently do and know I do feel safer tho also a little uncomfortable... not cause I think DC is in major or minor danger but because of things people have written on this site in the past!
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scrltfr




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 1:39 pm
morah wrote:
Sorry, you are wrong. Children do not die from being left in the car while mom sprints older child to the school door. They die from being left for an hour on a hot day. You know what's more dangerous than leaving a baby in a car for 15 seconds in a private lot? Ripping children from their families needlessly because you didn't have the sechel to accurately judge the situation.


And parents get distracted, cars slam into parked cars. Maybe I'm a worse case scenario type of person but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Seeing a child locked alone in a car pretty much tells me all I need to know about the situation. And the seichel does not belong to the parent that leaves a child alone in a car.
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 1:53 pm
scrltfr wrote:
And parents get distracted, cars slam into parked cars. Maybe I'm a worse case scenario type of person but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Seeing a child locked alone in a car pretty much tells me all I need to know about the situation. And the seichel does not belong to the parent that leaves a child alone in a car.


A car can slam into you while you're driving your children somewhere. Don't ever drive your children anywhere! Heck, you're being in the car, sitting parked waiting for someone will not protect the baby if someone slams into you. And no, the kid alone in the car does NOT tell you all you need to know. Just a few weeks ago, I dealt with this. I was out shopping, and saw a parked car with a kid inside. The child did not appear to be sweating or distressed (in which case I'd have called 911 right away). This is a block with lots of shopping, I assumed the parent was inside. Not smart, but does that parent deserve to be arrested? No. I decided to sit around and wait for the parent. I decided I'd wait 10 minutes, and if no one showed, then I'd make the call. Mother came running back two minutes later. The kid is fine. Again, the mother did NOT make a good decision, but neither did she deserve cops on her case. If the child is not in imminent danger, it is pure rishus to upend an innocent family's life. Hate to break it to you, but we ALL make questionable judgment calls with our children from time to time. Parents deserve a bit of leeway.
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deena19k




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 1:56 pm
Every day when I drop off and pick up my dd from gan, I unbuckle and schlep in my toddler and baby. Yes, it's a pain and a schlep but those few minutes of laziness are just not worth taking a chance.

What if someone parking nearby loses control of their car and bangs into mine with the baby in it alone? What if the baby starts coughing/choking etc with noone around to notice? What if your older dc on the way in falls down and hurts himself, and you are occupied with him, and it ends up taking alot longer untill you get back to your car?

It's not worth taking a chance. Plain and simple. You can rationalize all you want, but it still comes back to the same point. It's not worth taking a chance.
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21young




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 1:58 pm
scrltfr wrote:
And parents get distracted, cars slam into parked cars. Maybe I'm a worse case scenario type of person but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Seeing a child locked alone in a car pretty much tells me all I need to know about the situation. And the seichel does not belong to the parent that leaves a child alone in a car.


Do you have kids? More than one? I only have two and I try to be the best parent I can be, but sometimes we make bad judgment calls and stupid mistakes, or maybe you don't. I also try really hard not to judge others or do something rash that with a moment's waiting and discussion could be sorted out.
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