Leaving baby in car when dropping off older child

amother

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 2:01 pm

I'm sorry, driving cars get hit also. You can't possibly safeguard against EVERYTHING.

I leave my older son in the car when I drop off my baby sometimes. I make every effort to keep him in view but it doesn't ALWAYS happen. And honestly, him throwing a tantrum in the middle of the street because he didn't want to get out of the car, while I'm trying to hold my other child, is less safe than leaving him for a few seconds.

There are ideal situations and there are less than ideal situations. OP, it sounds like you are in a less than ideal situation. I'm sure there are plenty of people who will give you a hard time about leaving your child in the car. My guess is they have never been in the same situation.

Do drop off as fast as you can. Don't get in a conversation with someone while you're dropping off. DO THE BEST YOU CAN.

deena19k

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 2:03 pm

21young wrote:

Do you have kids? More than one? I only have two and I try to be the best parent I can be, but sometimes we make bad judgment calls and stupid mistakes, or maybe you don't. I also try really hard not to judge others or do something rash that with a moment's waiting and discussion could be sorted out.

I am not responding to the whole calling cps thing. I dont know what I would do if I would see a kid alone in a car. But I am sayng that having a child comes with responsibilities. Having multiple children comes with even more responsibilities. Now, all parents obviously make mistakes and have bad judgement at times. But people have to be realistic when deciding to have kids. Yes, it will be hard and a schlep and a pain and inconvenient at times. But that's life as a parent.. And being inconvenienced is not an excuse to make bad parenting decisions.

21young

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 2:09 pm

deena19k wrote:

I am not saying that I agree with leaving a child in the car, but I don't either agree with the extreme intolerance I was responding to. We all have decisions to make as parents, some of them split second ones, and some major decisions. Sometimes we do the right thing, and sometimes not. Everyone has to do the best they can as a parent. What if the mother is in her 9th month and she physically can not shlep 3 kids down a steep flight of stairs and back every morning? What if the younger child broke a foot and finds it very cumbersome to get in and out of the car, and would rather stay put? What if the younger child is simply a terrible 2 yo who will throw a 10 minute tantrum if he is pulled out of the car? What if there is a neighbor keeping watch while the mother does drop off, but you happen not to see the neighbor?

wife2

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 2:20 pm

I sometimes do and sometimes don't. If I am parked RIGHT in front of the house with my car in sight, I run in with my toddler and watch the baby while waiting on the porch the entire time. If I park further down the block even a little past the playgroup's house, I take the baby in. If I know I am going to be more than a minute (if I have to give instructions or talk to the morah), I take the baby in. If the baby is already fussy/crying, I take him with me. I am usually in a big rush and it is very hard to do this. Also, I can't hold 2 kids (my toddler and baby) so I can only carry my toddler in if my baby stays in the car. If I wait for the toddler to walk, it takes a long time to go up the steps and in the house.
Sometimes, I think it is safer to leave the baby in the car. If I take the toddler out, she needs to wait on the sidewalk while I unstrap the baby. I am always scared to leave her next to me because I am facing the carseat to unstrap the baby and can't make sure the toddler is okay and won't run into street or parking lot.
I would not judge a mother who left their kids in the car with the car in sight of the mother. If the car is not in sight of the mother, I would think it is dangerous.

dancingqueen

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 2:59 pm

morah wrote:

Sorry, you are wrong. Children do not die from being left in the car while mom sprints older child to the school door. They die from being left for an hour on a hot day. You know what's more dangerous than leaving a baby in a car for 15 seconds in a private lot? Ripping children from their families needlessly because you didn't have the sechel to accurately judge the situation.

Actually babies can die in much sooner than an hour on a really hot summer day. 15 seconds- probably not, but as others have mentioned what if someone stops to talk to you (like the morah), and it easily becomes more than 15 seconds.

I know a Frum mother in LI who left her baby in the car while she ran into a store, someone called the police on her and it was a huge headache for her.

I understand the temptation but it can be dangerous to leave baby in the car.

morah

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 3:04 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

I know that it can take less than an hour, but it definitely doesn't take 15 seconds. I never have and never will leave a child in a car. But honestly, I think there are situations where it would theoretically be OK and the only thing stopping me is that I don't want the police called. I remember that story about the frum mom. She didn't deserve that hassle. I think society has taken the car issue to an extreme because of a few tragedies.

amother

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 3:17 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

except in my case (OP) im not leaving the baby in a hot car. the a/c or heat will be on. and I am in a rush anyway cause I have to get to work so im not gabbing away at that point. I will tell the morah that I cant talk in the morning. all I need is to have 2 fights with the baby (whose just about a toddler really) when I try to put him in the car seat and then take him out to put him back in a minute later. and im just thinking ahead to the winter- on a coat, off a coat, on a coat, off a coat, on a coat all in less then 10 minutes. (and I only do the whole coat business thanks to imamother too!) thats a recipe for a toddler melt down and a mommy loosing her nerves.

and someone said about if another car hits mine and the baby is alone. im not a block away, im right there. I can hear other cars driving by. I would be there almost as fast as I would be otherwise.
and choking.... if im driving and my baby starts to choke- how much faster will I be there? I cant just stop my car in middle of a street or highway and jump out to see whats going on. it would prob take close to a minute to pull over and get out anyway. with some of this logic how can I let my baby sleep in another room with the door closed? I wont hear if he chokes and I wont be there if he learns how to climb out of his crib- it may take me a minute to get there after I hear him cry.

mandr

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 3:44 pm

When your child is upstairs in his bedroom sleeping at night and you have to go downstairs to do laundry, it isn't that much different, assuming the temperature in the car is ok and the engine is not on. I can think of other dangers that could happen in your own house. Not that you shouldn't be careful. I'm very cautious with these things but I don't think this is so bad. My fear is leaving the baby locked in the car with the keys inside while I come around to my side of the car (if I start the car or something first) so I leave his door open a drop (meaning, I lean it closed but not sealed shut) till I know for sure I'm driving away.

SRS

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 3:50 pm

scrltfr wrote:

And parents get distracted, cars slam into parked cars. Maybe I'm a worse case scenario type of person but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Seeing a child locked alone in a car pretty much tells me all I need to know about the situation. And the seichel does not belong to the parent that leaves a child alone in a car.

This subject is a hot one lately as in emotionally hot. I'd much rather someone crash into my parked car in a small parking lot than someone crash into me and my child in a small parking lot. And is interrupting a child's sleep schedule if they are napping or having to deal with the tempter tantrum and fight of getting them in and out of the seat really the safer choice?

We can imagine numerous worst case scenarios.

amother

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 3:55 pm

SRS wrote:

A lot can happen when you take your kid out of the car. Has no one ever slipped on ice in the winter?

I really don't have enough info to express an opinion. How hot does it get? Can another mother and you watch each others cars? What is the neighborhood like? Is there a danger of someone calling CPS (in todays day and age, yes).

in the car it will be a nice even temp. the car is on via the remote control starter. the doors are locked. the keys are in my hands (they have to be in my hands in order to start the car- so I dont have to worry about locking the keys inside the car either)

so far I have dropped off 5 mornings. and only saw another parent on 2 of those mornings.

the nieghborhood is quiet. I can hear every car that drives down the block (aside from those really quiet ones that dont make any noise) esp because there are not that many cars driving down the block.

is there a danger of CPS? possibly. probably not cause not that many people are walking by.

Barbara

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 3:57 pm

amother wrote:

By the time my son was 18 months old, he had figured out how to get at least part of his 5-point harness undone, and could even open gates (and defeat every baby proofing known to humans for a gas range, but I digress). When my nephew was about that age, he unbuckled his stroller and tried to climb out in the few seconds that my SIL was looking at a shirt on a store rack; she found him dangling from the front bar, poised to escape. A toddler left alone in a running car, could get caught in the harness straps, or get out of the harness and potentially put the car in gear.

I presume that you have made efforts to baby proof your home, and that the risks there are not the same as the risks in a running car.

You say that it takes 15 seconds for you to walk down the narrow path that you described with your 3 year-old, unlatch the gate, go to the back door, and alert the caregiver that your child is there. Your 3 year-old never dawdles along the path. The caregiver is always right there when you arrive, not in another room, or the restroom. And she leaves the back door unlocked (or, I suppose, hovers there waiting for you -- and where are the other kids), yet you feel very safe with your child there. You know that the 3 year-old is never going to balk at the door, cling to you, ask for a kiss, ask to show you something. Nor will it take longer if the narrow path is slippery with wet leaves or snow. It will never be 3 minutes, or 5, or more that you're leaving a toddler in a running car.

scrltfr

Mon, Sep 08 2014, 4:04 pm

deena19k wrote:

I am not responding to the whole calling cps thing. I dont kn
ow what I would do if I would see a kid alone in a car. But I am sayng that having a child comes with responsibilities. Having multiple children comes with even more responsibilities. Now, all parents obviously make mistakes and have bad judgement at times. But people have to be realistic when deciding to have kids. Yes, it will be hard and a schlep and a pain and inconvenient at times. But that's life as a parent.. And being inconvenienced is not an excuse to make bad parenting decisions.

Perfectly said. You carry a baby around in you for 9 months but can't take a few minutes for safety sake. I don't get it and will not have this argument. All it takes is one time for something tragic to happen and I will never put my child in that position. No we can't stop everything but we sure has hell should try and do as much as we can.