My 2.5 year old hurts other kids

amother

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 7:19 am

His morah told me that he really hurts the other kids and we have to do something about it. He hits and bites; sometimes because they take his toys and sometimes for no reason. He's been hitting on and off since he learned it at 10 months from his babysitters son. Most of the time lately though he was only hurting me, not other kids.
I'm at my wits end and want to cry every day when I pick him up because I just don't know what to do anymore.
Timeouts never worked, punishing didn't work, talking about feeling didn't work. the only thing that helped was rewarding him at set interval ( every 15 min) when he behaved.
If anyone has any ideas- please tell me what worked for you. I'm thinking about taking him to a child psycologist but don't know if that is even an option at this age Sad

tulip4u

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 7:55 am

Wow! That is so hard. Alternative stuff may help you. Like body talk, certain chiropractors etc. They release whatever is bothering child causing the behaviors. Hope all sorts out soon for you!! Hugs!!

amother

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 8:55 am

How terrible this must be for you. My youngest sister used to be the same, but eventually she grew up and stopped it. I don't think my mother did anything about it. Does he also try to hit you?

MaBelleVie

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 10:49 am

How is the morah managing it? This is fairly common and not something you can easily eliminate. The most important IMO are 1. Be very consistent- have the same response every single time without fail. 2. Don't give the child attention for the behavior. Don't show him that you are emotionally affected. 3. Teach him appropriate ways to communicate his wants and needs so that he does not resort to aggressive behavior to accomplish that purpose

5*Mom

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 11:03 am

You can try role playing with dolls/puppets in common playgroup situations and demonstrate better ways of handling those situations. Some children need an actual model of how they should respond and do well once they have that. Try also social stories. Same idea.

busydev

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 11:13 am

When DS was 2.5 he was terrible with hitting his brother and cousins (this was also over pesach) time out werent working. nothing was working. then we figured out what did work.

when he hit his hand was put in time out. he sat on my lap or next to me and I held his hand still for 2 minutes.
when he kicked his foot was put in time out. I held his foot for two minutes.

he did not get any other attention during those 2 minutes.

in 2 days the hitting went WAY down. still hits sometimes, but usually after a warning he stops. (we slaways warned the first time each day) and when he doesnt only one time out is necessary unless hes very tired or hungry... and then we usually try to give him food or a nap.

also directly after give him lots of positive attention. (time in)

recently he started biting (at home mostly, family and neighbors a couple times) he now gets a finger tip of black pepper in his mouth when he bites followed by a drink of water. that has happened twice. now a warning suffices.

(before we go out of the house to play we always review the rules and consequences)

suzyq

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 11:29 am

busydev wrote:

This was the advice my pediatrician gave me when my son was hitting a lot. It worked very well, as long as we were consistent.

amother

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 11:45 am

op here

I tried the holding hand or foot but if im holding his hand he kicks or bites, holding his mouth he hits and kicks. I only have 2 hands and I cant hold all 4 limbs and his mouth at once

5*Mom

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 12:25 pm

OP, does he know--really know--what the alternatives are to hitting? Has he had a chance to practice those alternatives in a guided, supportive environment? You can put his hands and feet in time out but if he doesn't have the skills to respond better the next time he will fall back to default mode = hitting.

amother

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 1:05 pm

I am just giving advice. If this was my child I would get him evaluated. It doesn't hurt. It's free. A child that bites other children is not so common. I am not saying anything is wrong with the child. But why not try?
P.s: I am a therapist myself.

MaBelleVie

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 2:05 pm

amother wrote:

What kind of therapist are you? What kind of services do you think would be appropriate?