Is it ok to have both sides of the family over?

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amother

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 11:16 am

Please settle this debate I'm having with dh. His sister is going to be with us for Sukkos. I have non frum cousins who live nearby and would like to have them for a meal or 2 (we often invite them for Shabbos and YT). Dh says its weird to have my family over at the same time as his. I think he only thinks so because his 2 sets of grandparents hated each other and it wasn't an option in his family. But my family got along well and we often had dads relatives and moms relatives at the same time, so I don't think it's weir at all. And I think my sil would like these particular cousins- one is actually in the exact field she wants to go into when she finishes school. But if I am in fact the weird one here, I won't do it. So- ok to have both sides at the table?

yo'ma

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 11:18 am

As long as there's room, I don't see why not. Maybe he's concerned you'll give your family more attention than his.

busydev

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 11:18 am

Unless there are going to be fights its totally ok.

My grandparents don't particularly get along but they dont fight (just dont esp have much to do with each other or like each other) and we have had both over at the same time.

unless your dh would be against having ANY other guest while his sister is there I dont see the difference.

suzyq

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 11:26 am

I think it's totally fine.

HonesttoGod

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 11:26 am

If they get a long and you have space why not.

My family eat with my in laws and vice versa.

Beyla

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 11:28 am

I think it's totally fine and even nice!

amother

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 11:29 am

OP, I can empathize with your DH. I grew up with two sets of grandparents who hated the other, whenever we all had to socialize there was insane tension.

So I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen when I got married--my parents promised me they would do what they can to work out any kinks... guess what? Both sets hate the other, simchas a tension fraught nightmare. And they all say it isn't their fault.

If you have relatives who get along--esp cousins and siblings, whom you'll have for your entire life, savor them. It's a gift, embrace it. You are not weird.

Rutabaga

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 2:16 pm

I don't think it's a problem at all if the two sides can get along. If your husband is concerned, then why don't you check with your SIL if she would mind. If she doesn't care, then why should he?

invisiblecircus

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 3:24 pm

I think it's weird to AVOID having both sides at the same time unless there are serious problems.

Growing up, we very often had both sets of grandparents over at the same time and the same for cousins from different sides.

Now, I live in a different country to my parents and my parents and in-laws don't have any languages in common anyway but we still all get together when my parents visit.

zaq

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 5:29 pm

I think it's lovely. Can't imagine why anyone would think otherwise unless it's known that the people don't get along.

Dina_B613

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 5:34 pm

Is his sister the type of person who would be offended if you invited them over and spent time with them? If so, don't invite them. I had an aunt like this and NO ONE was allowed to come over when she was visiting.

But, if I were in her position, I'd probably be a little tired of playing 'auntie' at some point and would welcome other adults to help out and hang out with.

little_mage

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 6:29 pm

I was a teenager before I realized that having both sides together for general holidays was not the norm. My father's parents even flew down when we threw a big party for my mother's mother several years ago. So yes, as long as people won't fight/make a big scene, it's perfectly permissible.

agreer

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 7:42 pm

Yep, totally okay! IY"H we are doing it this sukkos. Whenever they are both in town, my ILs and parents come over for shabbos. Not necessarily are they together ALL meals, but some for sure!

animeme

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 7:50 pm

I see zero problems here. I might avoid it with both sets of grandparents if each or even one set is coming from far and wants maximal time with the grandkids. Sometimes one side gets upset when they feel the time is being cut in half, or. if one set is more "fun" and attracts the kids more.

zlata

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 9:03 pm

I think it's a great idea.

amother

Wed, Sep 10 2014, 9:08 pm

OP here. I talked to SIL. I mentioned the cousin who works in the field she wants to go into and she's very excited to meet her. I told DH that imamother approves. So I'm gonna invite them.

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