Tznius in Primary / Clothes for Yom Tov

amother

Sun, Sep 14 2014, 1:27 pm

My daughter just started primary in Bnos Yaakov (Lakewood) and I'm having a hard time dressing her for Yom Tov.

The dress code for school is very clear (they have a polo and the jumper is expected to go about 1/3 of the way down their leg) but it's not so clear for during the week.

Are other parents covering elbows on off-days and Yomim Tovim? How much of their leg needs to be/should be covered?

To make things harder, my daughter is very solid (NOT fat or overweight at all) and while she needs a size 7 skirt for her waist, the Jewish company skirts are all too long and the not-Jewish companies are all too short.

Help?!?

(Not sure if there was a better forum for this?)

amother

Sun, Sep 14 2014, 4:11 pm

As far as I know these rules are for school at this age and do not need to be kept at home.

I live in Lakewood and my younger daughters do not dress the school rules at home and I see many other kids do not. My Rav holds young girls do not have to dress as per the school rules dictate.

amother

Sun, Sep 14 2014, 7:33 pm

My rav also holds that a girl doesn't have to be 100% tzinius until she is 6\7 years old (accept if she is in the men's section of shul, like on simchas torah when her leg and elbow must be covered).
But her school rules very clearly says that they must wear knee socks at all times, I took that to mean outside of school as well.
I now only put her on knee socks. Old clothes from the summer she will still wear. But anything I buy her new will cover her knees and all other areas.

zaq

Sun, Sep 14 2014, 11:26 pm

Skirts that are made too long are not an insurmountable problem. There IS such a thing as shortening skirts, you know. If you don't know how to do this yourself, I've no doubt that there are a great many tailors and dressmakers in Lakewood who would be happy to be of service.

amother

Sun, Sep 14 2014, 11:32 pm

Thank you for the responses. I'm going to try to pay attention to what other people are doing to see what my responsibility is as a parent.

@zaq: A simple black Junee label skirt for Shabbos at Junee Jr is $40. It costs anywhere between $15-$20 to hem a skirt.

That is more money than I am comfortable spending on a skirt for a five year old, nevermind that it would be a $55 skirt without even being a 'real' label.

(To be clear: labels in and of themselves aren't important to me. Quality for the money is. I have dressed my kids in clothes from target. But if I'm going to spend $30 on a stretchie, it's coming from Petite Bateau, not Gap).

kollel wife

Mon, Sep 15 2014, 11:14 am

Try the store Warehouse Closeouts?? something like that. I'm bad with names. It's in the plaza with Amazing Savings, Junee and Confection Collection. They have much better prices.
Can you learn to hew yourself - it's a very helpful skill. If you think with a bit of help you could do it, you can pm me, and I'd be happy to teach you.
I will buy skirts in Children's place and buy in a bigger size (as they usually run short) and take in from the side - very easy really.
They also have very good dresses which can be worn as jumpers.
Non Jewish stores Freehold mall - H&M, Jackson Outlets - I don't recall Carters, Little Me, Gymboree- I've done very well there. Some go up to bigger sizes.

Notsobusy

Mon, Sep 15 2014, 11:34 am

I did what was previously mentioned, I let my daughters wear their short sleeves, short socks from the summer before primary until it got too cold. All new clothing was long sleeves, skirts, socks.
Shoppers Paradise carries a cheaper line of skirts in all colors, I don't remember for how much, maybe $19.99. The waists are elastic, so you should be able to buy the right size and not have to hem it.

Chayalle

Mon, Sep 15 2014, 11:51 am

My Rav felt that we should follow the dress code in and out of school. This means covering elbows, knee socks, and knee-length skirts.

My DD is in first grade and on the shorter side, and even so I'm having a hard time! Even in the frum stores, so many of the skirts and dresses are short - and I mean above the knee.

I bought her 2 Junee denim skirts for the summer with tee shirts, as I figured she could continue wearing those on winter Sundays with sweaters in place of teeshirts. The problem is I really want her to wear something nicer for Chol Hamoed, and this year there are a few days. I guess I will just cough up and pay the price in the name of teaching my DD tznius. I'm going to check out the sale racks too, maybe I'll find something for a bit less.

Barbara

Mon, Sep 15 2014, 11:54 am

amother wrote:

Can you call the school to ask for clarification? "Hi. My daughter is in primary, and I had a dress code question...."

Also, while I sort of hesitate to suggest this, there are many brands that market Girls Plus Size clothing. Would you consider looking into that for her?

PinkFridge

Mon, Sep 15 2014, 12:18 pm

So there's not a disconnect, you need to know if rules are set for tznius and this is appropriate at age x, or to standardize things. Then also look at your community. Having a rav/rebbetzin to bounce this off of is helpful too.

amother

Mon, Sep 15 2014, 2:07 pm

Working backwards:

It's very important to me to avoid the idea of a disconnect (which is how I grew up). That being said, we have spoken for years to DD about how there are different rules of tznius for different people of different ages in different places -- which means that it IS tsniusdig for 2 year old dear sister to wear pants, and for Mommy to be in a bathing suit at the pool and so on. We've also discussed that Hashem understand that little kids aren't so good at remembering everything and that really this is all 'practice' for when she grows up (cause she freaks out if she turns the light off on Shabbos, for example, and she was crying over it).

So I don't think she'll see an issue with the idea that a uniform in school needs to be more strict than at home -- if nothing else than because she'll understand that they don't want the Primary girls to be dressed different than the rest of the school.

I guess that I could call the school. That's not a bad idea.

I did look on Gap and Old Navy for their 'plus' sizes, but they do very limited styles. Nothing that would really work, and certainly not for Shabbos; Junee doesn't even do a 6X, which would be perfect (that's her uniform size, for example).

I will check out Shoppers Paradise. Thanks!