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Forum -> Household Management
Being a sahm with a nanny. please explain
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 12:51 pm
How judgmental OP! How dare you question this woman's lifestyle choices?

Of course, I never wonder about other people's lifestyle choices. Never. And I don't question why some people spend money on stuff I wouldn't consider buying or services I'd consider using. Never.

For example, if I happened to find out that my MIL's good friends hold huge lavish birthday parties for their dogs, complete with dog food cakes etc, I would never ever wonder about why people do that. Or when I hear that my colleague likes to buy fancy clothes, wear them, and then return them to the store, I never ever wonder about that either.

And as for this site, we at Imamother are the epitome of non-judgmentalness and non-inquisitiveness! Posters here, never, for example wonder:

* Why someone is bottle feeding instead of breastfeeding
* why someone is wearing short sleeves
* Why someone is wearing long sleeves
* Why someone is putting up with her no-good husband
* why someone is not putting up with her no-good husband
* why someone covers her hair
* why someone doesn't cover her hair
* why someone vaccinates her kids
* why someone doesn't vaccinate her kids
* why someone teaches their children secular subjects
* why someone doesn't teach their children secular subjects

OP, I invite you to explore Imamother a bit further and learn from us all how to never judge people and never, ever wonder about their life choices. Especially learn from me. I will be your teacher and mentor in this regard.
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zigi




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 12:55 pm
nanny = another pair of hands, if dh isn't available the nanny is there to help.

I don't have a nanny but I can see where it would be useful
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Odelyah




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 1:02 pm
JollyMommy wrote:
I wonder if when you say nanny you mean what we call on the West Coast "housekeeper".

I was a SAHM for 5 years, but I always did work projects for our business and others-- what I called SAHM others would call working part time.

We are blessed to have KAH a full time housekeeper. I was raised with 1 or 2 housekeepers at all times. My mother working or not was not part of the equation.

It is a great blessing to have someone clean, food prep, do laundry and yes even change diapers or take a baby or toddler for a walk if I am devoting my time to something else.

When my youngest (and I hope to have more IYH) was not yet in nursery school I would spend the first 4 hours of the day doing something for her: mommy and me, park, playing, etc.. then while she slept I either worked or volunteered for my other kids schools. Housekeeper would clean and food prep during this time. During these 2-3 hours my "nanny" or housekeeper would watch her, or stay home while she usually slept. Then I would cook and run carpool and errands while she again watched the baby. The last hour my other kids would be home and I would do homework with them while she played with baby. Then, for 3-4 hours until DH comes home I am fully in charge.

Now it's a bit different because I work steadily 4 hours a day and my littlest started nursery, but I thank Hashem every day that I have a housekeeper, or what you call "nanny". And I apologize if people are jealous. I would be jealous too.


No wonder you're a jollymommy Smile! Good for you Thumbs Up
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amother


 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 1:07 pm
People might wonder about me. I am basically a SAHM. And I have cleaning help once a week. Some might judge but What people don't know is a family member is paying for it as a gift. I don't think even they know the full extent of it, but I have a medical condition that makes it hard to scrub the bathrooms, clean the kitchen, and vacuum. Yes, you might find me reading on the couch but I just don't announce that if I did clean the floors I would be in pain for hours and not take care of the family. Maybe I am a bit lazy since I know help will be coming. But when I do push myself (and I do) I am unable to do much for a while.
If I had 5 kids? I would need help a few days a week. And sometimes conditions pop up, like after a pregnancy. (Mine got worse. No way to know) so they couldn't predict this expense before deciding to have another kid.

Food for thought.
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oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 1:29 pm
I think the issue is in the terminology. If the nanny is doing the childcare, then the mom is not a SAHM. She's a non-working woman of leisure. Which is fine (I guess?), but it's not a sahm.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 1:32 pm
A couple of people I know here have a full time nanny with minimal kids. The nannies take the kids off the bus while the moms are out shopping. Nanny watches the baby too. To each their own.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 1:59 pm
I am currently not working, and my 4 yo and 2yo are out till one. I have the baby at home. I often feel very tied down, because the baby is quite delicate with naps, and doesn't do well on the go for two long. Aside from the fact that a spare pair of hands would be wonderful, esp when I need to put the baby down for a nap, or at bed-time, I would live to have someone that I could just leave the baby at home with, without having to drag him around all over, and disrupt his schedule. Sometimes having the help just makes things run much more smoothly, and makes mom calmer= better for everyone in the fam. Just saying.
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Imogen




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 2:06 pm
Being a sahm with a nanny is easy to explain, as it suits the person employing the nanny.

I have a lovely kitchen with a kettle, teacups, cakes etc available at home. But I do like going out for a cup of tea with a girlfriend, eat a bit, talk a bit and then go home.. where my kettle and teacups are waiting. It is my little luxury that I do enjoy doing treating myself now and then. It suits me.

Perhaps op your friend is suiting herself having a nanny help at home, be it to clean or give childcare, as only she knows what her own "nanny" is doing in her home .

I take care of my little grandchildren one day a week,it helps my dils who are studying and it give me the greatest pleasure imaginable.My neighbour saw me with the buggy and smilingly told me that I should learn to say no to my dil once in a while, she had her own ideas of what was going on in my life and they are none of her business, she thinks she is my friend,she is not, I smile and behave politely, I do not want to hurt her or answer her either. I hope op the woman whose life you are questioning and evaluating sees that you too are getting a little too busy with her life perhaps out of envy or boredom.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 2:06 pm
Are you seriously asking why mother of 5 kids in this day and age needs ongoing help? Here, I'll break it down for you.

I am currently not working out of the house (although unfortunately will need to be soon). Five kids from college age to toddler, with a huge and never ending range of needs (as bh does any large family) such as one teen with very significant behavioral/emotional issues, an extremely clingy and high energy 2 year old, a neice who is being raised by us and comes from a troubled background, and the 2 others, who need to be loved and tended to.

Dh not helpful in the house and with kids. At all. Ever. (Yes I know he is bringing the salary currently but I worked full time in a killer job for all the years before, through 4 pregnancies with hyperemesis and up through the birth of my last child at which time the family's needs were too intense for me to juggle along with my job. I was cracking under the stress and everyone was suffering.)

So 2 year old goes to playgroup now. And guess what? From 6:30 when I wake up till the moment house quiets down at night I am BUSY BUSY BUSY. Between school carpools and my elderly parents and my children with special needs and therapist and doctor appointments and a needy cousin who has no one to look after her.... And the piles of laundry and dishes and lunches and dinners... And my own self care is a sad afterthought. And I know some, (including Dh who unfortunately is completely clueless) think like you do. "Gee, toddler is in school now, she's still not working, what a life of luxury she must lead..." And guess what. I don't care. And you wanna know the craziest part of it? My closest friends have no clue about the half of it. Not the extent of 2 of my kids' special needs, and not the cousin I care for and not the frustratingly maddeningly unhelpful Dh. I'm an extremely private person.

You don't know anything about anyone really, or why they need the help they need...
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 2:16 pm
oliveoil wrote:
I think the issue is in the terminology. If the nanny is doing the childcare, then the mom is not a SAHM. She's a non-working woman of leisure. Which is fine (I guess?), but it's not a sahm.


People call themselves sahm even when all their kids are in school. I don't think it's a copyrighted term Wink
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amother


 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 2:24 pm
OP, you've gotten many good answers. Let me add that while I probably don't know you, even if you were one of my best friends, you wouldn't know my health issues-- physical or emotional. I don't talk about them except sometimes to my sisters or dh. I had a babysitter when I had just one child. No one knew I had ppd and I made sure to talk in a way so no one could guess. And 5 kids??? If I were so blessed, I'd like them to have play dates, after school activities, naps, healthy food, clean clothes, homework help, a mother who volunteers at school and in the community, parents who spend fault time together, and a well- rested mother. I'm not in a situation where I can easily have car pools and too many mothers are careless with seat belts, car seats, etc., and I can afford the help.
I'm trying hard to be nice but you're not entitled to the assumptions you've obviously made.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 2:29 pm
amother wrote:
OP, you've gotten many good answers. Let me add that while I probably don't know you, even if you were one of my best friends, you wouldn't know my health issues-- physical or emotional. I don't talk about them except sometimes to my sisters or dh. I had a babysitter when I had just one child. No one knew I had ppd and I made sure to talk in a way so no one could guess. And 5 kids??? If I were so blessed, I'd like them to have play dates, after school activities, naps, healthy food, clean clothes, homework help, a mother who volunteers at school and in the community, parents who spend fault time together, and a well- rested mother. I'm not in a situation where I can easily have car pools and too many mothers are careless with seat belts, car seats, etc., and I can afford the help.
I'm trying hard to be nice but you're not entitled to the assumptions you've obviously made.
I am the OP. I think you should reread this thread. I hardly made any assumptions at all. I was just wondering why should would need a nanny. Many other posters assumed things about my friend. I did not.
And you are correct, I got many answers. Thank you to all. I do understand it better now.
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luvinlife




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 2:38 pm
I have a friend who has 5 kids and a nanny. She spends the first half of the day running carpools so she leaves the baby with the nanny. then her youngest finishes playgroup at 1:30 and another one at 3:00 so she is always on the go with the carpools. In between she tries to do her shopping and get errands done before she needs to be at home in the afternoon and spend time with the kids. and in between her nanny watches the baby, cleans and does food prep.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 2:38 pm
If you weren't assuming there wasn't a good reason, you wouldn't have posted the question. If you have do much time on your hands that you can analyze your friends' lifestyles like this, I know several places that need volunteer help.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 2:42 pm
amother wrote:
If you weren't assuming there wasn't a good reason, you wouldn't have posted the question. If you have do much time on your hands that you can analyze your friends' lifestyles like this, I know several places that need volunteer help.
Oh my goodness, for the love of pizza, this was a fleeting thought that went through my mind while I was taking my kids to school today. And free time? I wish. Carpools, work, making dinner, laundry, homework, gym. Sure, free time. Gosh, it was a thought in my mind. Dont you think about things? Random things? Most people do.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 5:07 pm
marina wrote:


OP, I invite you to explore Imamother a bit further and learn from us all how to never judge people and never, ever wonder about their life choices. Especially learn from me. I will be your teacher and mentor in this regard.


Not worthy
This of course will call for a dedicated Marina Edification Forum. Open? Closed? Safe haven?
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noosheen




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 6:01 pm
Um... if your such good friends with her why don't u ask HER???

Don't pretend to be just curious, it must bother u to no end. U absolutely have no idea what is going on in her private life even though u claim to be her friend.

WHO THE HECK CARES???
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forever21




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 6:44 pm
Why does everyone have to be so nasty to the OP?? She's just curious, thats all! And to some of you posters who say how dare you judge or you have no right to judge?? Well, I see you judging others here all the time!!
OP is not asking the one with the nanny, shes asking us!! theres nothing wrong with wondering something about another persons life. Its human nature to be curious about things and to those who say I never ever wonder or care about whats going on in another persons life is simply in denial. And this is coming from someone who is not in the least bit a yenta and frankly gets annoyed with nosy ppl who butt into my life but I do understand the OPs question.
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forever21




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 6:47 pm
Marina, was your whole post sarcastic or just the part about how imamothers arent judgmental??
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Sherri




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 16 2014, 7:56 pm
I think the judgmental part of the sentence was writing "need" a nanny vs. "want" a nanny, judging whether or not it's a necessity. The tone may have been different if phrased differently.

Maybe she doesn't need it, she just wants it. Can you understand why someone would want a nanny even if she doesn't need it?
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