Shaving etc | Imamother

deedee

Sun, Oct 03 2004, 10:40 am

I have very light hair so I didnt have to shave for a while. my sis (19 mts apart) has black hair so when she was 11 she wanted to shave! I went crazy how its not fair I'm older and she cant shave before me. my father settled it by telling me I can shave today and my sis can shave tomorrow. so 15 yrs later I'm still shavin'. I have very little hair also so I only have to do it once a week.

amother

Sun, Oct 03 2004, 4:48 pm

I started shaving regularly at 15. I actually felt embarrased to start, like I was doing something wrong b/c none of my friends ever spoke about it, so I had no idea if I was supposed to do it or not. I also had very light hair so noone knew the difference. when I was still experimenting with it, I thought I was supposed to shave all the hair on my body!! including my arms!! well I figured it out eventually.
if you are asking b/c of your daughter, its great that you are involved in this part of her life, b/c my mother didnt guide me.

amother

Sun, Oct 03 2004, 7:12 pm

I started when I was around 13- all my friends already were and I was completly green about the subject. everyone else seemed to know so I pretended I did too. having nommeans to go to the store I found an old razor in the bath closet and used it. it was pretty rusty and not sharp at all. I made myself bleed and till this day I bleed from the hair follicles sometimes, and its redder that on any other women I've seen. I think I ruined my legs. I think this also because I only shaved the bottom of my legs and thats the part thats no good whereas the upper parts inluding the knees where I didn't shave at ll is fine.

I remember I asked my mother once if I could buy new razors and her reply was that iif you don't shave ever it'll be better you'll have less and finer hair. thanks alot. I wish my mother had guided me. so please if you are asking about your daughter then teach her at the same time as for a period and guide her. its not a tabboo subject! and answer her questions!

I am signing in as amother only to protect mine. I never want her to feel bad about her not answering me as I wanted.

Nechama

Sun, Oct 03 2004, 11:09 pm

Thank you for replying.
My husband and I decided that our family policy is to have an initial talk about bodies with our children, boys and girls, at age 8, when they start noticing differences and changes.
At the age that the girls actually start changing I discuss periods with them. (as my guide I use The Wonder of Becoming You, I know the author, I don't discuss relations at that stage) I also bring it up with my boys.
At bar and bas mitzvah we discuss relations in a basic format stressing kedusha and tznius (ie this is something you don't talk about with friends etc). I prefer my kid learn from me and recieve accurate information.
I am blessed with 'good' children.
I am blessed that my children are open with me, we talk about everything.
I believe my role is to raise my children, actively and proactively.

Rochel Leah

Mon, Oct 04 2004, 9:56 am

Nechama, it is so good that you are open with your children. B'h I have a wonderful mother and she was also open with me and I plan to be open with mine too. The book is a wonderful begiing for young girls.

I wouldn't want my kids to learn abt things from their freinds at school. I dont know if its true but I heard of a story when a girl got her period for the first time she called hatzlah cuz she thaought she wasbleeding to death. I would talk to my boys but I would leave most of the stuff for my hubby, man to man, woman to woman.

sharon

Sun, Oct 10 2004, 5:55 am

I started discussion body changes with my daughter when she was 10 since she was starting to develop hair and she was wondering why. We also sat and discussed the book "The wonder of becoming You". She started with her period the night after she attended her first school mates bat mitzvah. Thankfully she knew what was happening and wasn't "shocked". She is now 13 and started shaving when she was 12ish since she has dark hair.

B'H I hope we are open and that she will come to me with issues. It is very important for the child to feel they can approach a parent. We have not discussed relations yet, I don't know why however there is one book that I found at Chapters that only discusses girls body/relations in a very delicate manner. I"ll have to locate the book here at home and write down the title. I believe it is called "The Period" but I will double check.

zuncompany

Sun, Oct 10 2004, 7:24 am

My mom had a policy that until you get your period, you can't shave. All my friends at camp the summer before 8th grade were shaving though and I was so jealous. I begged my mom when I got home and she kept saying no. I was so jealous that I told my mom that if she didn't teach me I was just going to buy a razor and do it on my own already. I was really hairy and embarressed. I am very pale skinned and have dark hair. My mom gave in and guess what... I woke up the next morning with my first period! HAHA. My husband and I already decided, he talks to the boys, I talk to the girls. We don't want them finding out from friends.
Sara

shayna

Sun, Oct 31 2004, 2:07 pm

My daughter is 13 1/2 and started at 12. My rule is you won't be the first one and you won't be the last. Once a few girls start I allow my daughter because it is very important for girls to fit in, it is also very important to encourage your daughters to wear deoderant by age 11 or 12. Other girls do notice and it is very important they fit in as much as possible. My own mom did not allow me to shave till I was 14 and I remember other girls looking and staring. It may have been in my own head but I remember feeling horrible.Girls can be very mean and its our job as mothers to make their lives run as smooth as possible.

rydys

Tue, Nov 09 2004, 7:19 pm

my mother told me that once you start shaving the hair gets thicker and darker and you can never stop. I have light hair, so I never started. I don't think I'll have an age for my daughters--I'll take each one individually. I do believe that kids need to fit in, however, so if she really feels out of place I'll probably let her start, but probably will give her the same speech my mother gave me and make her wait a few days first.

Rivka

Mon, Nov 29 2004, 4:36 pm

I first wanted to shave when I was 11 my mum told me it would make the hair grow thicker and all that so I used that immac stuff which took forever and stank out the bathroom so I just started shaving, I have tried waxing but man alive the pain was horrible I didn't do that again, I might try it again using Emla.
I only shave once a week and I have dark hair, some peope find that their hair grows very thick after shaving I don't think mine did.
So either you stay hairy and have it growing coz it aint gonna just stop or you use other methods such as waxing or immac or epilady.
My husband and I both agreed we do not want our kids to find out about relations or anything else from their friends or magazines or movies or anything we wanted to discuss it with them and my husband would talk to boy and I would talk to any girls if we have.
I think we need to talk to girls at an earlier age about periods such as 8 coz alot of girls are getting them at earlier ages, plus the deodrant issue you should advise her using it the moment you notice she starts to sweat more and has a bad odour.
It is important to talk to your kids about things coz I think they will be more open with you and therefore help them make the right decisions.

AweSumThenSum

Wed, Dec 29 2004, 6:08 pm

I used a shaver when I was about 12/13, but my mom quickly put a stop to it. I'm dark haired and she didnt want me to develope thicker follicles than I already had, so I started waxing at approx. age 14 and I havent stopped since. as for having "the talk" - my mom told me about periods when I was about 11. she didnt go into great detail, but basically said that it's a sign that ur body is healthy and that it'll come approx. every month, and she taught me how to use pads, etc...
I have pcos, and my periods and teen years were horrid. I had oily skin, bad acne, and very heavy, painful periods.
I intend to do things differently w;/ my daughter. I dont think I'[ll talk to her about relations until she approaches me, but vis a vis periods, I think I'll tell her when she is bas mitzvah, when she gets her first bra, or when she asks me - whichever comes first. I heard about that book, and I intend to buy it and read it BEFORE I give it to her for us to read TOGETHER. I think it's important for girls to keep a monthly calendar so that they 1-get used to it Wink

2-they can be alerted by a change in their pattern, if one occurs.

amother

Thu, Dec 30 2004, 2:28 am

My mother was totally not there for me when I reached puberty. When I got my period (I knew what it was because our 7th greade science taecher explained it to us) I got apad from her and that was it. I had to steal my first bra from my older sister's drawer. Istarted shaving when my leg hair stuck out from my pantyhose and was so embarrassing, but I sure didn't ask my mother about it. I figured out all by myself that it gets removed with a razor and it didn't occur to me that I might need permisson to do it.

I think I have certain hangups because of that so I hope to be more there for my daughters but I don't know about explaining relations.

lucy

Thu, Apr 07 2005, 5:41 pm

amother that is really sad, no girl should experience that espcially at a stage where most are very selfconcious of themselves. I started around 12 I don't remeber why but it was with an electric razor (my mom also was against a blade razor) and I rember my brother was passing by th ebathroom door and said what on earth are you doing in there, so I told him I'm shaving and he was shocked and went to tell my mother " is she old enough" and my mother (who knew) just started to laugh!hahahaha

amother

Wed, May 04 2005, 7:57 am

I am so glad to see this subject on athis site. I have never shaved my legs
I have very thin light hair so it is not neccesary. I also wear thick pantyhose so it doesnt show. My daughter is not so lucky. She is 13, and has very black hairs. Her legs look awful. The problem is 1- I cant show her how to shave cause I have never done it myself. 2- I live in an ultra, ultra chasidishe place and shaving is not exactly something kids here do.
Where I live it is unacceptable to do many things. Though things get done any ways by the people like me who are not so frum( crazy!!)My mother never spoke to me about anything. exept before I left for camp she gave me pads just in case. I found out most of it from freinds and many other no good sources. I dont feel comfortable talking to my oldest daughter about it. What do I tell her? how do I guide her? (about her period, I only told her that it was normal for this to happen to girls her age.)

amother

Wed, May 04 2005, 3:12 pm

amother did you like it that mom didn't tell you?? I'm sure not! You probably wished mom was closer with you - to be able to talk to you like a mother to daughter ( I know this for myself as well).. so please talk to your daughter , she probably wont come to you- she's waiting for you to come to her. Be open in a mature tznuis way.