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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Sis inlaw wants us to chip in 4 bugaboo
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amother


 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 11:03 am
I dont think it was wrong to request, but possibly to ask.

What you should do is give a check and write a nice card that says "hopefully you can use this towards the stroller of your liking"

you can also offer that you'll collect from the siblings and it can be given in one sum (whether or not it covers the total cost).

My sil was very open about it and said to friends and family instead of giving me a present just give us money (however much you feel comfortable with) so we can apply it to the cost of our bugaboo because that is what we really want.

personally as an aunt I would talk her out of the bugaboo. I would convince her that getting a "citi" product is a better purchase or if she wants to buy an expensive one then she should get the uppababy. From years of experience I say you buy a good stroller for the first 400+, maybe even the 800 for the uppababy and when it needs replacing you replace it. There is also the issue that every 2-3 years a new stroller comes out with better features and its the "cool" one. If you buy a bugaboo you cant go ahead and just replace it with the newer model. If you have a britax, peg perego, etc for babies 1,2 and 3 when ti comes to either baby 3 or 4, you probably will need another stroller and you'll want one too.

(I used to feel the bugaboo was the best stroller out there....then I tried my sil and I think its the biggest waste of money. I think people are simply buying for the hype. when I visited anywhere I pay attention to strollers. In Manhattan the majority of strollers are bugaboo or uppababy. I know both strollers and prefer the uppababy. I wasnt in the market for a $500+ stroller so I went with the city select for baby #4. I would suggest buying that for a first time mother so it can be made into a double when needed. Although I now see the versa and I think that is a great stroller. Oh and by the way I am not being paid for this and I think the "citi mini" is a horrible stroller so its not that I like "citi" products, I just like the stroller I have)
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 11:15 am
I think bugaboos are a waste of money (we owned one for a really short time and while the push was amazing, the features were terrible and I thought it was poorly engineered and built).

However, its nice to know what your niece wants. I would just give whatever you planned on giving to chip in, unless you had your heart set on purchasing something specific for your niece.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 11:16 am
When we had a baby we decided between a mountain buggy and a chameleon bugaboo due to the wheels which were very necessary for our needs.
I hated the mountain buggy but could not afford the bugaboo. I was pretty unhappy because our baby was born after many years and I wanted a neat stroller.
The bugaboo went on sale to $750. I still couldn't afford the price jump from the $425 compact mountain buggy.
My niece found out and said take this opportunity now that it's on sale and buy. I couldn't. She convinced me to tell people who asked what I want to chip in. We received $20 here, $50 there, and we're able to put together the additional $325.
I was so grateful. We never asked anybody for anything. But if people asked what we wanted and said I would love of they could chip in for the stroller we wanted. It was really nice.
Op, I don't think you should judge this couple. If you weren't planning on gifting, don't. If you were, why would it bother you to gift them with something they actually want and will really be used?
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JollyMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 11:19 am
Give her exactly the amount you would have as a gift and she can do with it what shed'd like. A close niece I would probably give $100, but that's it. And a nice card. If you typically give more or less then do exactly that. No need to overthink what she's going to buy.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 11:42 am
I get the sense that there's a bit of a bugaboo fixation in the frum world. Why is that?
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bnm




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 11:56 am
I love my bugaboos (yes multiple).... My sil refuses to get it for the name, she got Uppa Baby and Mountain Buggy. My siblings and mother voted Bugaboo after trying both our carriages. I actually lent my Donkey to them when the Mountain Buggy sprung a leaky tire over a 3 day yom tov, my sil REFUSED to push it, my brother loved it and said the push is way better than the MB Duet.

Sa50st8 your stroller is being used almost EVERY day especially now that my 3 year old didn't have transportation.....


If someone would ask me to contribute I would just give whatever amount I was planning on spending on a gift anyway. My first got a new bugaboo (in box from Ebay) and most of her other stuff we got free on Freecycle.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 12:05 pm
OP, mazel tov, on your baby and the great.

To all responders: Is it necessary to insult OP's SIL or brother?
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 12:28 pm
I can't comprehend standing on principle to the extent of refusing to participate in a gift. You give whatever you wanted to give, and the rest is absolutely none of your business. Seriously, wow. I have definitely contributed toward chipping in for gifts that are absolute luxuries, things I can't afford myself (or rather, things I would never choose to spend my money on). So what? A gift shouldn't come with strings or conditions.
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forever21




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 12:30 pm
First, it wasnt your niece asking you, it was your sis in law so it wasnt like you were really being put on the spot. Second, perhaps your niece feels like she'd rather have one big present of her choosing rather than a bunch of smaller gifts. Personally, I wouldnt want a bugaboo if I had trouble affording the basics but to each his own. I think if you can afford it and there are enough family members chipping in (so that it wouldnt be too expensive) then you should all get it for her. Is this her first kid? Sounds like it if she wants the expensive stroller so badly (I think you become less materialisitic with each child- becoming more practical instead). Perahps she feels its the most useful gift for her if shes going to be using it for all of her future children.

Bottom line, if you can afford it then your feelings of thinking shes being a JAP for wanting it shouldnt matter.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 1:35 pm
Haven't we had a gazillion threads arguing about whether individual items are "necessities," "luxuries," or "reasonable luxuries"?

Some people really, really want an expensive shaitel. Some women think that's crazy but insist on high-quality shoes. Some women say, "What's wrong with Payless?" but hate costume jewelry. Some women say, "Who cares? Nobody can tell if my diamond is real!" but shrink at the idea of furniture from Ikea. Some women happily put together Ikea stuff but want expensive copper pots and pans.

It's not being princess-y or entitled in a bad way unless you have your nose in the air about everything or unless you go around saying, "Ugh! I'd never use one of those nasty Graco strollers."

So what if she wants an overpriced, not-worth-it stroller? Most of us have at least a few irrational things we really want. Contribute whatever you planned to spend and let the recipient spend it as she sees fit.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 1:51 pm
forever21 wrote:
First, it wasnt your niece asking you, it was your sis in law so it wasnt like you were really being put on the spot. Second, perhaps your niece feels like she'd rather have one big present of her choosing rather than a bunch of smaller gifts. Personally, I wouldnt want a bugaboo if I had trouble affording the basics but to each his own. I think if you can afford it and there are enough family members chipping in (so that it wouldnt be too expensive) then you should all get it for her. Is this her first kid? Sounds like it if she wants the expensive stroller so badly (I think you become less materialisitic with each child- becoming more practical instead). Perahps she feels its the most useful gift for her if shes going to be using it for all of her future children.

Bottom line, if you can afford it then your feelings of thinking shes being a JAP for wanting it shouldnt matter.


OP said that her niece couldn't afford a Bugaboo, not that she can't afford the basics. Lots and lots of people can afford to feed and clothe their children, and to buy all the basics, but not afford a high-end stroller.
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Twinster




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 2:35 pm
amother wrote:


What you should do is give a check and write a nice card that says "hopefully you can use this towards the stroller of your liking"



I was thinking along the same lines. You and your sisters can chip in whatever amount you wish, and give her the money "towards" a stroller. She can either use the money to buy one in that price range, or add some money and buy the bugaboo.
I have a few friends whose in-laws/parents did it in this fashion.

Personally, I love my bugaboo donkey. Nobody chipped in; we saved up to buy it - not for the name, but for the convenience.
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Amelia Bedelia




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 6:56 pm
amother wrote:
I get the sense that there's a bit of a bugaboo fixation in the frum world. Why is that?

Because frum families tend to be much larger than the norm and they need a quality stroller to last for many children. Also, in chassidishe communities like Boro Park and Williamaburg, most women don't drive and they need a sturdy smooth riding stroller on a daily basis. Well, that's my reasoning, and that's why I went and bought a used one on Craigslist when my last child was born. Of course, there are many women who only get it for the name. People splurge on the limited edition Bugaboo fabric sets and strollers, and many frum companies sprang up designing stylish fabric sets and accessories that are compatible with the Bugaboos.
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ElTam




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 6:57 pm
I would give cash and let the collector know the mother to be can add it to her bugaboo fund if she wants.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 7:31 pm
amother wrote:
My sister in laws daughter (my niece ) is expecting soon and being that I just had a baby myself, sil was discussing strollers with me. Then she told me that her daughter wants a bugaboo and can we please chip in for it as a baby gift because it's so expensive. I don't want to chip in but I don't want to seem petty either. We can afford it so that would not be an excuse.
My reasons - I feel like if you can't afford a $1200 stroller then you shouldn't have one. (For the record I have a citi mini)
The young couple can't afford it so they
Are putting it on their parents who can't afford it so the parents are asking their sibs to pitch in for it. I think it's tacky.
Should I just pitch in or decline?

I am troubled by the whole entitlement to a gift. OP wasn't asking what gift to get. Why must OP get a gift? Aren't gifts supposed to be voluntary? It used to be considered tacky to mention gifts before they were given.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 7:58 pm
Squishy wrote:
I am troubled by the whole entitlement to a gift. OP wasn't asking what gift to get. Why must OP get a gift? Aren't gifts supposed to be voluntary? It used to be considered tacky to mention gifts before they were given.


Maybe this is how this family does things?
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 8:15 pm
Squishy wrote:
I am troubled by the whole entitlement to a gift. OP wasn't asking what gift to get. Why must OP get a gift? Aren't gifts supposed to be voluntary? It used to be considered tacky to mention gifts before they were given.


I hear this logic. For those who are saying well, it's not different than registering, the difference (to me) is that most (classy) people who register don't TELL their friends and family that they are and where, but rather wait to be asked. Some do 'advertise' it but it's very rare (at least in my circles) and quote tacky. It's different if the OP asked her SIL, hey, is there anything specific that your daughter would like me to buy her? And then her SIL could say, well, actually, she'd like money to be put towards her dream carriage. But for her SIL to approach her with this smells of a fundraiser, which isn't what gift giving should be
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Dina_B613




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 8:38 pm
Totally depends on how SIL brought it up. If she's saying, "Me, Rivki, Yael, and Chana are going in on a bugaboo stroller for Ruchi, would you like to join?" then no - that's fine! IF she said, "I'd like you to contribute X amount for Ruchi's stroller," that is tacky!

I recently went to the wedding of a college friend and everyone else got a group gift but no one mentioned the group gift to me - I was sad not to have been included. I'd much rather have the heads up and then decline if I want to. But, seriously, if it's something they want, and I'm going to get them a gift anyways, then who what they ask for?
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 8:43 pm
I assumed this whole thing happened in the context of op previously mentioning that she would be giving them a baby gift. Maybe I'm wrong.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 9:33 pm
Dina_B613 wrote:
Totally depends on how SIL brought it up. If she's saying, "Me, Rivki, Yael, and Chana are going in on a bugaboo stroller for Ruchi, would you like to join?" then no - that's fine! IF she said, "I'd like you to contribute X amount for Ruchi's stroller," that is tacky!

I recently went to the wedding of a college friend and everyone else got a group gift but no one mentioned the group gift to me - I was sad not to have been included. I'd much rather have the heads up and then decline if I want to. But, seriously, if it's something they want, and I'm going to get them a gift anyways, then who what they ask for?

I would be OK if the ones approaching me are friends. It is the fact it is the mother soliciting for a gift that makes me uncomfortable. I think the mother is too close a relationship. This is why bridal showers are organized by friends.
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