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-> Parenting our children
miami85
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 Sun, Sep 21 2014, 8:27 am
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My 3 year-old doesn't like it when my husband and I touch each other or lounge on top of each other. We tell him "it's ok, Mommy/Abba let" but he's not satisfied with this answer. We're not trying to be overly affectionate, just casual and its like we have a "shomer negiyah police". Any suggestions?
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imasinger
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 8:52 am
It is highly unlikely that a 3 year old is concerned about the halacha of SN.
He's probably jealous.
Tell him that you love him, and invite him into the snuggle.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 9:01 am
Kids can be jealous. They also can be observant at a very young age. You have to figure out how you are going to explain when you can't be affectionate. Your kids will notice and think you are mad at each other.
My daughter put together white nightgowns with us not being affectionate. She told me that Totty hates my white nightgowns because he acts like I have the cooties when I wear them. I have teenagers now and they still hate when we are openly affectionate. Ewwww.
I wear my white nightgowns randomly now. I also am randomly effectionate. Instead of hugging and kissing my husband every time, I mix it up.
Anonymous because I tell the white nightgown story IRL.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 9:02 am
Kids can be jealous. They also can be observant at a very young age. You have to figure out how you are going to explain when you can't be affectionate. Your kids will notice and think you are mad at each other.
My daughter put together white nightgowns with us not being affectionate. She told me that Totty hates my white nightgowns because he acts like I have the cooties when I wear them. I have teenagers now and they still hate when we are openly affectionate. Ewwww.
I wear my white nightgowns randomly now. I also am randomly effectionate. Instead of hugging and kissing my husband every time, I mix it up.
Anonymous because I tell the white nightgown story IRL.
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FranticFrummie
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 9:06 am
| amother wrote: | Kids can be jealous. They also can be observant at a very young age. You have to figure out how you are going to explain when you can't be affectionate. Your kids will notice and think you are mad at each other.
My daughter put together white nightgowns with us not being affectionate. She told me that Totty hates my white nightgowns because he acts like I have the cooties when I wear them. I have teenagers now and they still hate when we are openly affectionate. Ewwww.
I wear my white nightgowns randomly now. I also am randomly effectionate. Instead of hugging and kissing my husband every time, I mix it up.
Anonymous because I tell the white nightgown story IRL. |
LOL! That is an awesome story! 
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ElTam
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 10:15 am
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Totally normal. Little kids want the affection to be directed toward them. All three of my kids went through a stage where they would get in between us if we were hugging or anything. We still have a family joke from my oldest, who used to yell, "No! My Ima!" at my husband if he hugged me.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 10:25 am
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Is there anyone who does NOT wear white nightgowns during the shiva nekiim? I was told that all that's really necessary is the white underwear and white sheet. You don't need to go overboard with white pillowcases and all that.
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miami85
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 10:27 am
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This has nothing to do with nidda--in his lifetime, I've had few nidda periods, and he's not a snuggler.
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tryinghard
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 12:04 pm
| amother wrote: | | Is there anyone who does NOT wear white nightgowns during the shiva nekiim? I was told that all that's really necessary is the white underwear and white sheet. You don't need to go overboard with white pillowcases and all that. |
I don't. I don't use white sheets either. I was told all that's necessary is white underwear. Nightgowns and sheets were when people had looser fitting undergarments (no elastic). If you think about it, if I am staining enough to get it through my underwear onto whatever else I am wearing or on my sheet, it's definitely enough to be a problem... In any case, it's all about your minhag and what your rav says...
OP, it's probably just a stage that he will pass through. Annoying, but not much you can do...
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asmileaday
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 12:11 pm
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Op do you have any theories about this? Why do you think he gets annoyed? If he's not a snuggler it's probably not jealousy. I'm trying to understand why a 3yr old would have an issue with parents being affectionate?
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miami85
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 2:23 pm
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No idea really, he must think there's something "wrong" with it--I'm expecting and when he started to notice the bulge in my midsection minimizing the space between my top half and lower half he would point out "it's squishy" but if my DH and I are lounging on the couch together, he pointed to the couch and told one of us to move.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 4:34 pm
| amother wrote: | | Is there anyone who does NOT wear white nightgowns during the shiva nekiim? I was told that all that's really necessary is the white underwear and white sheet. You don't need to go overboard with white pillowcases and all that. |
White sheet (I don't sleep in underwear) and any color nightgown I please
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amother
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 6:19 pm
| amother wrote: | | Is there anyone who does NOT wear white nightgowns during the shiva nekiim? I was told that all that's really necessary is the white underwear and white sheet. You don't need to go overboard with white pillowcases and all that. |
Me, me!! Just white undies (and white pad because I spot). No white nightgown or sheets.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 8:21 pm
| amother wrote: | | Is there anyone who does NOT wear white nightgowns during the shiva nekiim? I was told that all that's really necessary is the white underwear and white sheet. You don't need to go overboard with white pillowcases and all that. |
I do white underwear - that's all.
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FranticFrummie
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Sun, Sep 21 2014, 8:32 pm
OP, I think 3 is a good age to start teaching him that he can't order adults around.
Have you asked him WHY he feels this way? Keep asking until you get a solid answer. You'll have a better idea of where to go from there, but do NOT give in to him.
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