Truck etiquette | Imamother

amother

Sun, Sep 21 2014, 10:57 am

I've been meaning to post this for a while. We have a truck. Our phone just rang. A gentleman from our community, who we don't know, called and said, "Hi, this is Ploni Almoni. I heard you had a truck. Can you come over today and help us move XYZ from this place to this place?" And seemed shocked when my husband said no.

My husband regularly helps people move stuff. He has moved stuff at all hours of day and night. In all kids of weather. He is fine helping people out, but there is a line of basic mentchichkeit that needs to be observed. If you are going to ask to use someone's truck here are few tips:

1. First, ask yourself whether you know them well enough to ask. Would you lend the person you are calling your car? An expensive piece of jewelry? If the answer is no, put the phone down.

2. Work on the truck owner's schedule. Be flexible. Remember that you are cutting into their family time, their free time, etc. (DH has been called and asked to move stuff at 10, 11, p.m. at night and later. In the snow, in the rain. Rarely, if ever, does the asker say, "When would be a good time for you?")

3. Don't expect to take the truck on your own. The truck owner doesn't know your driving skills, what insurance you have, etc. Don't expect that they will put their insurance rates at risk so you can get out of paying someone for moving or renting a truck.

4. Help move the stuff. If it is heavy, have people to help. (DH got a call asking to move a dining room set. He said yes, as it was a neighbor. He had help when he picked it up, but when he arrived at the home of the people who had asked for help, the baal habayis was nowhere to be found. He moved a dining room table and eight chairs into the house with no assistance.) This is not an exception. It is common enough that he now says. "How heavy is XYZ? Who else is available to help load/unload?"

5. Don't be a jerk. Baal habayis above has lived on my street for 10 years. Not only did he never thank DH he doesn't even have the courtesy to say good Shabbos or hello when we walk past.

6. Pay for gas money. It's expensive. We've had a truck for our entire marriage. 15 years. In that time, exactly one person has offered DH gas money when he has moved stuff, including when he has driven 30 to 45 mins in each direction.

debsey

Sun, Sep 21 2014, 11:12 am

This isn't "truck etiquette" so much as it is "boundaries etiquette". I feel like it's a frum community issue.

I am a professional in a particular field. I spent time, money, effort, etc getting my degree. You have no idea how often people will show up at my doorstep, asking me to render a professional opinion based on the fact that we were elementary school classmates.

You can call my office and make an appointment, I say. This doesn't seem to be an emergency.
"but if I call your office, I'll have to pay!" comes the shocked response.

Well, yes. You do have to PAY for a professional's time. I guess you don't have to pay for said time when it's Shabbos and I'm technically off the clock. Then, you can "legally" steal my time, I guess.

(And you are also opening me up to a liability my insurance may not choose to cover, since I was technically off the clock. Similarly, if you "borrow" the truck, are you paying for depreciation, gas, tolls, extra mileage and wear and tear?)

You can ask a favor of a DEAR friend, of a sibling, of a close neighbor whom you often also DO favors for.
You can't go over to a random guy in the neighborhood, and based on the fact that he's frum and owns a truck, ask him to be your free mover..........
I'm totally with you OP. Banging head

amother

Sun, Sep 21 2014, 11:58 am

debsey wrote:

ITA I have the same thing as OP. We have a truck, a large house and a professional degree. The community thinks we are a free resource and gets mad when we can't or won't accommodate someone's demand. There is a lack of respect and gratitude. We are not the government and you are not entitled to anything of ours. We may choose to share when we know of a need, but we absolutely have a choice in the matter. I get calls from strangers who won't even identify how they heard we have an apartment and I am supposed to let them in my house?

imasinger

Sun, Sep 21 2014, 1:22 pm

I agree that it's all about boundaries.

Any of us who own something desirable, or have a skill or area of expertise, needs to know this:

In addition to the community service of graciously sharing what you have, you can do the community a service by having clear limits and stating them up front.

"Sorry, we don't lend our truck to strangers, and we are not available on Sunday."

"Sure, I'd be glad to help, but given the distance, do you mind covering my gas mileage?"

"I'll drive your DR set from here to there, but I don't do the lifting. Can you call me back when you have a team assembled and confirmed."

And, for Debsey's situation:

"I can't discuss my profession on Shabbos; could you call me in the office on Monday?"

Anyone who imposes on you will probably bother others, so setting boundaries is a huge community service, probably in the end more beneficial than giving in on any one chesed.

Dina_B613

Sun, Sep 21 2014, 7:43 pm

I feel like your DH needs to have a speech ready...or turn this into a business!

When someone calls to say, Can you help me move? DH needs to be ready with something like this:

"I'm available during x, y, and z times to drive the truck from 6-8. I hope that this fits into your schedule. I cannot move furniture by myself, so other people will need to be there to move things. Since so many people have asked me to help move them, I need to ask for gas money if I'm going to be driving over x number of miles."

If your DH doesn't want to help the person because you don't know them, he can say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not available. I can refer you to x moving company."