DH is being given Hagba on first day RH and I'm confused

amother

Mon, Sep 22 2014, 9:40 am

I'm a BT and have a question (please excuse my ignorance). I wasnt sure where to post so I put it here. The gabbi just told my DH that they would like to give him one of the Hagbas on the first day of RH. Is this a big honor? if yes can you describe how big a honor it is, what is it comparable to?

The reason I'm asking is b\c in our shul we give donations after such kibuddim and I want to give the right amount that reflects the kibbud. Right now my DH and I have a certain amount of $ earmarked for tzakah for RH and we are trying to find the proper amount to split among our shul, children's yeshiva, chessed organizations etc. Any help is appreciated.

Clueless in FL

busydev

Mon, Sep 22 2014, 10:13 am

malkacooks wrote:

maybie I'm wrong but isnt it a bigger deal to get it on RH? I think it counts more then a regular alleyah

I dunno about that. I think that all aliyos and kibudim on R"H are a bigger deal then your standard week. but im no expert. ill ask dh.

ETA: dh said all kibbudim on R"H are a bigger deal then a regular week. but hagba is the same as compared to an aliyah.

cant say what to give- but maybe double what you would usually give for a weekly aliyah? Or give more. cant hurt to help the shul.... Whatever you can afford.

busydev

Mon, Sep 22 2014, 12:14 pm

Ruchel-It seems in France shuls dont need to raise money for upkeep so that would be why such an idea is foreign to you. (based on the paying for seats thread). But here its normal and expected. tho most shuls (that I have been to) dont tell you how much to pay for an aliyah or other kibud- you just give what you give and thats that.

OOTBubby

Mon, Sep 22 2014, 12:55 pm

What I've never heard of is someone being notified in advance of a kibud. I seen selling aliyos; giving them out (seemingly) randomly or based on stature. I've also seen people being given cards right before layning stating which aliya they will receive.

And, in general, when once receives an aliya, a mi shebeyrach is made, and the loshon in it is that someone gives a donation -- can be a "matanah", a gift with amount not specified or a specific amount.

In the shuls I've frequented, the aliyos and other kibbudim were sold (on yomim noraim and other yom tovim, but not on Shabbos). In general the purchaser did not accept the aliya for himself, but rather was michabed someone else with it. In that case the person who received the actual aliya makes a mi shebeyrach giving tzedakah (again either specified amount or non specified) in honor of the purchaser.

cbg

Mon, Sep 22 2014, 2:44 pm

syrima wrote:

It's less than an aliyah but more than getting to go up and open or close the aron.
OP your husband should ask someone senior in your shul - it really depends on what the usual custom is there, and that can very widely between shuls.

Interesting, by us opening and closing the Aron is a very big deal. Its considered like the opening the gates of heaven. We are Sephardic. On the other hand we don't do Hagba, the person that carries the Sefer does it right before he puts it down. This mitzvah is usually given to a man looking to get married, if there is one available. Maybe that came about because the Sefer Torah is so heavy, and it's carried open to the Perasha.

DH said Hagba in some places is a big deal for YI type congregations, especially on RH.

amother

Mon, Sep 22 2014, 3:57 pm

OOTBubby wrote:

Interesting.

The shul my in laws belong to sends out letters before the Yamim Noraim to notify the men which kibbud they will be receiving. I had never heard of this before I married DH, but it makes a certain amount of sense. If someone knows that they will be expected to do psicha at a certain point during chazaras hashatz, for example, then he will make sure not to be in the bathroom at that point. Or from DH's point of view, since it takes him longer to say shemona esrai than most people, he knows at what point he needs to be finished.

Also, if everything is decided in advance then people are less likely to be left out inadvertently. No one wants to accidentally offend people over the Y"N, and some people can be touchy about their kavod.

Ruchel

Tue, Sep 23 2014, 3:26 am

I see so much potential for problems...
Mr X is sick but doesn't want to refuse or say he can't carry (this could be my father all the way).
Mr Y doesn't read Hebrew well and doesn't want to recite in public.
Mr Z for whatever reason cannot or doesn't want an aliya today.
Mr Epsilon won't be there on that day. But now it will be disorganized or maybe even he needs to pay?!

Shrug, I don't like forcing and I don't like paying for a "gift". I like that in our shuls whoever wants to be mega involved can, and whoever wants to throw on a kep or cap and no tallis and chat in the back, can.

Actually my dh asked for and got psicha when I was in my 9th month and never had to pay for it. DD1's naming, they opened the shul during the week and organized minyan (minyan is weekly there) and no payment for anything (my dad I think gave "something" for the bother and because it's a small kehila still trying to build a non prefab shul). DD2 we also didn't pay anything, charedi shul this time, they asked my husband what they can give my dad as kavod etc and again paid bubkes. We weren't affiliated with any of the shuls we named or did psicho or daven or wtv. Though I think some years my parents have affiliated with aforementioned local shul as support.

Guess our chessed is that way, as we don't do bikur cholim, meals, free help... we do this?

freidasima

Tue, Sep 23 2014, 6:12 am

It is a lovely kibbud and on RH you are expected to give more than during the year. Definitely give a nice donation, more than for hagbo during the year.

Here in EY even among ashkenazim like in our shul where there is no auctioning kibbudim are often handed out before and for good reason. Here's a true story.

We have a new shul chief gabbai. Someone of the "younger generation" who is the son of an old shul gabbai and they want to bring in new blood. So my dh gets a call last night and starts laughing. Why? He is a Levy and this young nice kid tells him that the shul wants to give him a kibbud to do...Maftir Yona. Leviim and Cohanim CANT do maftir Yona unless the entire kehilla is made up of Leviim (according to all authorities other than Rav Ovadia and we are not sefaradi..). so the guy was so embarrased that he didn't realize it, he well knows that my husband is a levi, he calls him up at monday and thursday hashkomo every week ("yaamod R. Yehuda ben....Halevi") and forgot that maftir Yona can't be a Levy...so he is giving him maftir on one of the days of RH instead. Nice kibbud.

In short, all the kibbudim on RH and YK are considered very lovely and very honorable and as Dh said to me as he got off the phone..."well that's another big donation to the shul this year other than yizkor (for me, b"h both his parents are still alive)"....

Be proud of your husband for having been offered such an honor.

OOTBubby

Tue, Sep 23 2014, 7:01 am

Ruchel wrote:

Actually my dh asked for and got psicha when I was in my 9th month and never had to pay for it. DD1's naming, they opened the shul during the week and organized minyan (minyan is weekly there) and no payment for anything (my dad I think gave "something" for the bother and because it's a small kehila still trying to build a non prefab shul). DD2 we also didn't pay anything, charedi shul this time, they asked my husband what they can give my dad as kavod etc and again paid bubkes. We weren't affiliated with any of the shuls we named or did psicho or daven or wtv. Though I think some years my parents have affiliated with aforementioned local shul as support.

Guess our chessed is that way, as we don't do bikur cholim, meals, free help... we do this?

Ruchel, you don't seem to understand the way that shuls work in the US. No one is obligated to pay for a kibud. Obviously if the kibudim are sold, and one purchase, then he must pay for it. However, if one receives a kibud otherwise, he MAY (not must) make a mi shebeyrach and pledge money (either an unspecified gift or a specific amount) which normally goes to the shul upkeep. In most cases, this is one of the ways a shul pays its upkeep (rent, mortgage, salaries, utilities, etc.). This, plus dues, seat charges, perhaps appeals, fundraisers, etc. How else can a shul support itself?

Ruchel

Tue, Sep 23 2014, 8:32 am

So if you are offered an aliya you can pay or not pay? I assume there must be some pressure though, from other posts?
No, it's true I don't understand. Shuls here rely on donations, people buying aliyos on high holidays (not that I like it... sometimes it's done tackily), if a kehila has a rabbi sometimes they have to pay the rabbi and sometimes not (then the rabbanut does it). Mostly the rabbanut sends money to shuls that are affiliated. A good way to keep them Orthodox at least by all kulos and hoping no rabbanut representant is secretly attending lol.