How old were you when you got married?

penguin

Wed, Sep 24 2014, 2:45 pm

There was a letter in the Yated, I think last week. Someone is trying to gather info to form a more accurate database. They are asking your high school, year of graduation, if you are married, ages of you and your spouse, and how many class mates are still not married - male and female.

If someone is more organized than I, perhaps they can find the letter and provide the email. I think it was something like shidduchstatistics or shidduchsurvey or shidduchdata. at gmail of course.

amother

Wed, Sep 24 2014, 3:23 pm

I was 20, my husband was 28. We are personally responsible for the shidduch crisis. I know. And everyone who finds out this piece of info feels the need to inform us again. It's ridiculous.

My first cousin who's 35 just married a really wonderful 37 year old guy who's been religious for 8 years. He wasn't even frum when she was 25!!!

There is a wonderful couple in my apartment complex who met and married in their 40s. They had twins a few years ago. They are great friends of ours. They will tell you in a heartbeat that it was absolutely worth the wait.

I have a friend who was encouraged to marry a young man she was unsure about when she was 24. She had three younger sisters in the wings and her parents kept telling her that she wasn't getting any younger, he's a nice guy, you're being too picky, etc. He was emotionally abusive. Then he picked up his hands. The marriage lasted 8 months and the divorce was very messy.

G-d runs the world, not man. He directs the footsteps of man and brings the right people together at the right time. Yes we must do our part, but part of that part (if that makes sense...) is to believe in G-d.

I applaud those who want to help solve the shidduch crisis, but I agree wholeheartedly with the posters on this thread who say that the numbers are inflated, statistically inaccurate, just plain wrong, whatever.

It's not about numbers anyway. It's about people. And each person individually is a whole world. You don't become a statistic at 25. You remain just the same individual you were at 18, 20 and 24. And at every age, G-d guides the shidduch process.

sunny90

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 4:20 pm

I was 18 1/2, he was 19 (turned 20 3 months later).
BH. I'm not going to say we were both completely mature when we got married, but I am so so glad that we did. I know 100% it was the right decision. We've grown together a lot.
Btw, neither of us were "in shidduchim" when we dated. We met and had someone set us up.

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 4:28 pm

I was almost 25 and my husband was almost 27.
But we are not the shidduch system type.
We are MO. And even though I personally had been dating for a lot of years (that was my choice) I did not feel old when I got married.

Also, OP, can you link the thread you were talking about in your first post?

Raisin

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 6:43 pm

I was 21 and my husband was 24. Almost all my friends married men with a similar age gap. This was a while ago but I can see how a shidduch crises could thus emerge if everyone is marrying men 3-4 years older. Not that I had a choice, younger men simply were not being suggested. The way the system works in my circles, bochurim start dating at x age and girls start dating at y age. Unless a girl doesn't get married till she is 24 or so she is unlikely to marry someone her own age. Recently I have noticed men marrying younger and women being older...so I guess some notice is being taken.

I would love to help my older single friends get married, I am glad to see someone out there actually cares.

Even if it is "only" 5% or 1% that is way too many singles.

miami85

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 11:27 pm

I was 24, DH is 6 months younger than me. I didn't think it would happen when it did--but then again no one does. I still have quite a few friends who aren't married--5 years later. Sad

I do know of plenty of girls that got married 25+, but I know it's a lot harder. I don't know if it's "pickyness" or being more self-defined and not as willing to compromise on oneself, or just "the right one" hasn't shown up yet.

Reesa

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 12:05 am

I dont understand how humans can play g-d. Before each person is born a shidduch is set for her. We don't have to understand HOW it will work out. Leave that to Him. There are many ways for Hashem to bring you your bashert and it doesn't have to be someone in the pool of people included in the statistic "study".
I think there is a crisis but not this. It should not be our department of worry to figure out how Hashem can make it happen. What we could work on is our middos and how we handle our Shidduchim and our list of expectations and demands and being more open minded. Etc.
start trusting in Gd more and stop thinking we can fix this. It ain't broke.