Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections -> Reading Room
How old were you when you got married?
Previous  1  2  3  4  5  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h



How old were you when you got married?
0-20  
 42%  [ 212 ]
21-24  
 40%  [ 204 ]
25-29  
 12%  [ 62 ]
30-39  
 4%  [ 21 ]
40+  
 0%  [ 4 ]
Total Votes : 503



amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 12:45 am
9 years.
Back to top

dee's mommy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 1:24 am
Less than a month before my twenty - ninth birthday. A week or two before his thirty - first birthday.

EDIT: Whoops, that is a week after his thirty first birthday. (A week before his Hebrew birthday.)


Last edited by dee's mommy on Mon, Sep 29 2014, 7:05 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

m in Israel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 3:13 am
chani8 wrote:
I don't understand this 'shidduch crisis' that's mentioned here regarding an older boy marrying a younger girl. I married an older man and encourage my girls to consider someone older. Why is that a problem in the shidduch world?


There seems to be a problem, certainly in the U.S., of more older single girls than single boys. (And BTW, this seems to be true among MO communities as well, although I don't think they view it as such a "crisis"!)
One theory as to why this is so is called the "age-gap". Basically due to population growth in our communities, each "age" has more people in it then the age before. If older boys are marrying younger girls, then there will be more girls than boys (because overall in year #3 there are more people than in year #1), and therefore every year there will be "leftover girls". If people married closer to their own age this statistical problem won't exist.

(I'm not commenting on whether I agree that this is the core problem, or what the solution should be -- just explaining the idea.)
Back to top

ally




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 3:18 am
m in Israel wrote:
There seems to be a problem, certainly in the U.S., of more older single girls than single boys. (And BTW, this seems to be true among MO communities as well, although I don't think they view it as such a "crisis"!)
One theory as to why this is so is called the "age-gap". Basically due to population growth in our communities, each "age" has more people in it then the age before. If older boys are marrying younger girls, then there will be more girls than boys (because overall in year #3 there are more people than in year #1), and therefore every year there will be "leftover girls". If people married closer to their own age this statistical problem won't exist.

(I'm not commenting on whether I agree that this is the core problem, or what the solution should be -- just explaining the idea.)


The problem is not due to population growth. It's due to the fact that it is socially acceptable for men to marry girls who are much younger than them while the converse is not true. A 28 year old guy can feasibly choose to marry a girl between 20-28+...while a 28 year old girl will maybe be offered boys who are 26+ (and that is optimistic...its probably more like 30++). Therefore, the pool of older single girls will grow because they have less options.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 3:22 am
I was 20 when I got married , my husband was 23, could never have married someone my own age, and a lot of my friends feel the same way, it's almost as if you want to marry a " a man" not a " boy" maybe more for me seeing as I got married very young, IMO.
I may get back lash for saying this, but personally I think there are other aspects more to blame for the shidduch crisis
Not so long ago, there was a thread about wether you have to tell people whether a girl/ boy is an "IVF'er" meaning they were born through IVF, I was quite shocked from that and kind of wondered " what has the shidduch system come to "
Back to top

m in Israel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 3:33 am
ally wrote:
The problem is not due to population growth. It's due to the fact that it is socially acceptable for men to marry girls who are much younger than them while the converse is not true. A 28 year old guy can feasibly choose to marry a girl between 20-28+...while a 28 year old girl will maybe be offered boys who are 26+ (and that is optimistic...its probably more like 30++). Therefore, the pool of older single girls will grow because they have less options.


Again, I am not saying I agree with the theory. But the "age-gap" theory being discussed by Rechnitz IS based on the concept of population growth being the main cause of the statistical problem.

Here is a video from 2009 where this idea is promoted (sorry, I just did a quick search -- I'm sure if you felt like it you can find more recent content)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVHQhTb9_q0
Back to top

ally




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 4:02 am
m in Israel wrote:
Again, I am not saying I agree with the theory. But the "age-gap" theory being discussed by Rechnitz IS based on the concept of population growth being the main cause of the statistical problem.

Here is a video from 2009 where this idea is promoted (sorry, I just did a quick search -- I'm sure if you felt like it you can find more recent content)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVHQhTb9_q0


I still don't get why the problem depends on population growth. The fact that boys have a much larger pool of ever younger girls is like an artificial skewing of the 50-50, so that there are not the same number of boys and girls in each age bracket.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 4:12 am
m in Israel wrote:
There seems to be a problem, certainly in the U.S., of more older single girls than single boys. (And BTW, this seems to be true among MO communities as well, although I don't think they view it as such a "crisis"!)
One theory as to why this is so is called the "age-gap". Basically due to population growth in our communities, each "age" has more people in it then the age before. If older boys are marrying younger girls, then there will be more girls than boys (because overall in year #3 there are more people than in year #1), and therefore every year there will be "leftover girls". If people married closer to their own age this statistical problem won't exist.

(I'm not commenting on whether I agree that this is the core problem, or what the solution should be -- just explaining the idea.)


I was talking to my husband about the mishpacha article last night. He was saying - but all girls have to go through the 19-23 year old age bracket obviously. Is the problem because all the girls who didn't get married by the time they are 23 are then left out of the picture, because once they pass that age then the 23+year old guys won't date them because they're dating the younger ones? I'm not commenting on anything, I'm just trying to understand what they exactly mean by the 'age gap' problem.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 4:24 am
ally wrote:
The problem is not due to population growth. It's due to the fact that it is socially acceptable for men to marry girls who are much younger than them while the converse is not true. A 28 year old guy can feasibly choose to marry a girl between 20-28+...while a 28 year old girl will maybe be offered boys who are 26+ (and that is optimistic...its probably more like 30++). Therefore, the pool of older single girls will grow because they have less options.


But still, it is not so common for guys to marry eight years younger.

From what I've seen, guys who insist on a much younger girl are usually the ones who are still single when they are much older.

An older single guy came to Shadchanit friend of mine with a list. Minimum ten years younger and must look like a model. She said, "I don't know anyone for you." To date, he is still single.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 4:25 am
My husband is several years younger than me, and when people find out they like to tease me, like it's the funniest thing in the world. I wouldn't say it out loud but I just remind myself that, in general, women live longer than men, so I'm less likely to spend years as a widow than they are. Exploding anger
Back to top

amother


 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 5:31 am
Urghh. I dislike frum culture, and this thread is just another dumb aspect.
not everyone meets their soulmate at the same time. That's just life. Not everyone has the perfect life, some have challenges and hardships.
And how don't listen to [crazy] statistics about frum society which is an isolated group, listen to G-d Almighty who controls the world.
Back to top

invisiblecircus




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 5:56 am
There is a big difference between 30 and 39! I was 32.

And 0-20? If you voted in that category, how old were you?!
Back to top

Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 5:57 am
ally wrote:
I still don't get why the problem depends on population growth. The fact that boys have a much larger pool of ever younger girls is like an artificial skewing of the 50-50, so that there are not the same number of boys and girls in each age bracket.


Both aspects contribute to the problem. But in a culture where the vast majority of women at marriage are 19/20 and the vast majority of men are 23/24 you are going to end up with the population growth issue being the main one.

Amother, I think it is awful that you get teased. Ask them if they tease couples where the guy is is 10-15 years older. (not so unusual...)
Back to top

m in Israel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 7:29 am
ally wrote:
I still don't get why the problem depends on population growth. The fact that boys have a much larger pool of ever younger girls is like an artificial skewing of the 50-50, so that there are not the same number of boys and girls in each age bracket.


The problem depends on population growth because having a larger number of OPTIONS (your scenario) doesn't change the end results as long as you still have only one boy marrying only one girl. Population growth explains why the age gap in actual MARRIAGES results in more single older girls left over than single older boys.
Back to top

morningsickness




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 7:37 am
I got married at 18. DH was 23...

When I joined Imamother, I remember wondering whether or not I was the youngest member..

It was actually my idea to start dating at such a young age. My parents weren't too thrilled, but after consulting with a few of my teachers and Rabbi's, went along with me.

I don't regret it at all, though I do regret not having enough "couple" time with DH during our shana rishona. We were too bent on being "grown up".
Back to top

amother


 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 8:27 am
amother wrote:
My husband is several years younger than me, and when people find out they like to tease me, like it's the funniest thing in the world. I wouldn't say it out loud but I just remind myself that, in general, women live longer than men, so I'm less likely to spend years as a widow than they are. Exploding anger


Mine is younger also. Only I am the one doing the teasing calling myself a cougar.
Back to top

MMCH




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 8:51 am
I was 21 and my dh was 23.


majority of my friends married with in the same age gap.
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 9:43 am
I don't think anyone should refuse an older boy they like because of "the crisis", "the numbers"... if you marry him he's not someone else's bashert but yours. As a shadchanit I don't get/believe the "it would solve everything if boys married older girls".

It would solve a lot if all boys were opened to girls a bit older, and much younger, and everything out of the box- same for girls. But the emphasis on how wrrrrroooooong it is for the girl to be 3 yrs younger or something? Not a concept I understand.

An older girl can marry an older boy, or a divorce, or wtv she is opened to.
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 9:47 am
In my times there were shadchanim not dealing with people under (23, 25) a certain age. Maybe it was somehow positive when I read this thread.


Had I been 25 and single, I would have had two possible reactions reading:
- search for a traditional spouse tolerating a lite-religious wife since “frummies” reject girls over 25, and be depressed about it
- consider that even people who want to help are very gloomy about my chance, and be depressed about it


Or maybe I would have thought to myself, shadchanim are nuts, and not accept any help?

You CANNOT publish obviously wrong stats and expect credibility. Name one circle where you’re dead after 25. If they exist, they deal with their own, don’t go for outside help, and marry off everyone willing quick quick quick.

(if it’s 15% after 25, what is it after 22? 50%? See, ridiculous).
Back to top

debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 4:16 pm
There's also the problem of lumping people together. I mean, there are many private situations in shidduchim where you worry about compatibility of situation more than age gap. For example, let's say you have a young man who is epileptic, and it is not well known. He marries someone with a health issue of her own, who understands what is entailed in maintaining health during a chronic condition. Should he then have to explain why he married a girl who is younger than him? Obviously, you want couples to meet and see if they're compatible, not add another layer of "requirements."
Back to top
Page 3 of 5 Previous  1  2  3  4  5  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections -> Reading Room

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Married children
by amother
4 Tue, Mar 19 2024, 12:08 am View last post
Selfish married daughter
by amother
13 Mon, Mar 18 2024, 11:19 pm View last post
Support for married kids…
by amother
29 Mon, Mar 04 2024, 9:40 am View last post
A song for my daughter getting married
by amother
8 Thu, Feb 29 2024, 7:54 pm View last post
Florida activities for young married couple no kids
by amother
28 Wed, Jan 17 2024, 11:07 pm View last post