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Neighbors kids dont wax or shave
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mommy9




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 11:29 pm
I introduced my daughters to bleach and tweezers when I thought they needed them and it took them awhile til they felt the need to use them.I left it up to them. It was my job to make sure they knew what to do not to make them feel they need it. This may be the case with these girls.
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Jeanette




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 28 2014, 11:30 pm
2cents wrote:
my parents r persian and they were convinced I would be tossed out of bais yaakov if I shaved my legs or waxed my eye brows -- it took a lot of convincing that it wasn't considered inappropriate for a 13 year old to do! BH, I didn't have it so bad (no unibrow or mustache), although I remember being embarrassed of my legs as early as 2nd grade !

now I see girls in shul, etc, and I feel so bad: they're dressed up in yom tov clothing, hair is done nicely, and BAM, heavy upper lip hair. or very obvious dark leg hair. at an age where the girl is beautifying herself and is conscious of her body, its so painfully embarrassing to her to have it. but the mothers r really convinced that their daughters wont get good persian husbands and will look too worldly, etc.

(thankfully, this old fashioned mindset--which doesnt even exist in iran anymore- is dying out. while a lot of young girls aren't allowed to get their brows done neatly, their parents let them get rid of the mustache, unibrow hair, and leg hair.)


so they live in a culture where it is not considered abnormal to have dark facial hair, but to YOU it is so painfully embarrassing.

Sorry, what is embarrassing is not their appearance but that adults are unable to see past a little hair on their upper lip.

Whatever people choose to do re shaving or waxing is up to them. Different cultures have different grooming practices, is all. It's not like using deodorant or showering where their choices will impact your nose.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 12:48 am
amother wrote:
OK, I was that kid. I WISH someone would have said something to my mother before other kids started making fun of me behind my back. If you do choose to say something, be very careful to be gentle and non judgemental etc etc. It is a very sticky situation and yes, you might lose a friend over it if your neighbor is very touchy. But for the sake of these girls, speak up.
I do believe its not a 'mind your own business' kind of thing because some mothers are clueless and there is no reason that a girl should be left without guidance on proper hygiene. If the girls dont like to shave for whatever reason then the mother will let you know you have overstepped and you can apologize profusely. I say its worth the risk.
jmo
Im sorry, but here you are clueless. Not shaving, anywhere on the body, has NOTHING to do with proper hygiene. It is cosmetic.
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Ruchi




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 5:33 am
I would definitely not tell the mother but arrange for someone who is good with one of the mothers siblings to approach the sibling and see if she is willing to tell her in a nice discreet manner.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 9:45 am
Ruchi wrote:
I would definitely not tell the mother but arrange for someone who is good with one of the mothers siblings to approach the sibling and see if she is willing to tell her in a nice discreet manner.


horrible idea. I would be livid if a sibling pointed out my child's hairiness. and I would be livid if it turns out that there were three parties involved in telling me about it. that's creepy, gross, and wrong. it's hair, people. it's not unsanitary. get over it.
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miriaml




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 9:52 am
Something like that could be very offensive. Trust me the daughter sees other women, when she wants to do it she will.
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luvinlife




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 9:58 am
umm how old are these kids that you are referring to??
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 10:03 am
luvinlife wrote:
umm how old are these kids that you are referring to??


My question as well.

In any case, it may be shocking to OP, but not everyone has the same idea of beauty that she has. Not everyone thinks that women (much less teens) need to remove hair from their legs, or tweeze their eyebrows. And not everyone thinks its necessary to remove hair from the upper lip.

And if these kids are less then teens, then unless they're starting to bear a passing resemblance to Groucho Marx -- in which case medical attention might be in order -- IMNSHO, it would be premature to undertake these things.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 10:14 am
2cents wrote:
my parents r persian and they were convinced I would be tossed out of bais yaakov if I shaved my legs or waxed my eye brows -- it took a lot of convincing that it wasn't considered inappropriate for a 13 year old to do! BH, I didn't have it so bad (no unibrow or mustache), although I remember being embarrassed of my legs as early as 2nd grade !

now I see girls in shul, etc, and I feel so bad: they're dressed up in yom tov clothing, hair is done nicely, and BAM, heavy upper lip hair. or very obvious dark leg hair. at an age where the girl is beautifying herself and is conscious of her body, its so painfully embarrassing to her to have it. but the mothers r really convinced that their daughters wont get good persian husbands and will look too worldly, etc.

(thankfully, this old fashioned mindset--which doesnt even exist in iran anymore- is dying out. while a lot of young girls aren't allowed to get their brows done neatly, their parents let them get rid of the mustache, unibrow hair, and leg hair.)


I grew up around many girls not allowed to do visible cosmetic stuff until welllll into the teens. 15, 16+
But often make up was under the same category.
Definitely had non Jewish friends and also religious Jewish friends with hairy legs an armpits (the not tznius went in tank top/strapy top).

Ditto Barbare and shabbat. And this is from someone who started removing leg hair (or tried... it was so thin the epilady didn't catch...) at 14 because of "worldly" friends. lol. Leave kids be, mind your business, allow other cultures to be.

Wondering if the same very obsessive amothers also think "fat is dirty", size 10 is big and "everyone shaves down there". Please lemme know where this culture is so I never settle there.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 11:33 am
My 13 year old dd is very hairy and has thick dark hair on her upper lip and eyebrows. (and body) I have tried bleaching it for her, taken her to be waxed (once). She hates the idea. I'm waiting till she wants it herself.
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sweetpotato




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 11:41 am
How old are these kids? I don't see any reason to say anything. It's their bodies, their choices.

Removing leg hair for women only became commonplace in the as clothing and stockings became less modest in the 20th century. It definitely has nothing to do with hygeine. Underarm hair, maybe, since it can cause odor issues, but proper use of deodorant definitely takes care of that.

In any case, definitely not your place to comment or suggest.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 11:48 am
I was one of those mothers who didn't introduce my girls to these cosmetic ideas. They looked fine and when they wanted to be like their friends and shave etc. they did. I don't think this has anything to do with hygiene. If they would have looked ridiculous, ugly or nebby, I would have encouraged them to do the right thing.
Should you talk to their Mom? Well I would think if they are happy and safe, watch them grow up and smile. If you are friends with the Mother and know how sensitive or open she is, then in talking and having conversation the subject could come up, as in a conversation. But to stum be giving advice, no need.
Also have in mind teens will be teens. We all have our memories. Smile
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Scrabble123




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 12:17 pm
sweetpotato wrote:
How old are these kids? I don't see any reason to say anything. It's their bodies, their choices.

Removing leg hair for women only became commonplace in the as clothing and stockings became less modest in the 20th century. It definitely has nothing to do with hygeine. Underarm hair, maybe, since it can cause odor issues, but proper use of deodorant definitely takes care of that.

In any case, definitely not your place to comment or suggest.


I agree with you that hair removal has nothing to do with hygiene, but it is certainly not something from the 20th century!! According to science, even cavemen removed hair. The Egyptians did as well. Oh, they applied makeup and nail polish too! The Egyptians actually had bronze razors and women removed hair, and pubic hair. Egyptian MEN even removed their pubic hair. Europeans did not remove hair as much as their Greek, Egyptian, and Middle Eastern counterparts, but just because it was not as accepted in Europe does not make it something "new." It was actually considered safer to fight without a beard for the enemy to grab onto!

I know many adults who are not bothered by body hair, and that is their choice. Children should also have that choice because it not exposing a child to anything by allowing them to remove hair that they do not want!


Last edited by Scrabble123 on Mon, Sep 29 2014, 12:24 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 12:24 pm
If they want to, for themselves and not because of fashion, that's one thing.
Though, it may be painful, or unhealthy (chemicals).
Beauticians I am around mostly just won't touch a child. A 15 or 16 year old with a real problem, and a parent there, is something else - though some won't do minors, period.
I'm not exposing my kids to the idea that they have to remove a random hair. When they're mature and their own "self", they can do what they want. Let kids to be kids, don't inflict on them the idea that even their mother does not love their G- d given look. Guess I'm just deeply Euro, it can be humilating enough for an adult to "have" to remove hair...
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Scrabble123




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 12:35 pm
Ruchel wrote:
If they want to, for themselves and not because of fashion, that's one thing.
Though, it may be painful, or unhealthy (chemicals).
Beauticians I am around mostly just won't touch a child. A 15 or 16 year old with a real problem, and a parent there, is something else - though some won't do minors, period.
I'm not exposing my kids to the idea that they have to remove a random hair. When they're mature and their own "self", they can do what they want. Let kids to be kids, don't inflict on them the idea that even their mother does not love their G- d given look. Guess I'm just deeply Euro, it can be humilating enough for an adult to "have" to remove hair...


Sounds cultural to me. It never made me think anything was wrong with my real look. It is a sign that you are BH a healthy girl/woman with hair in normal places. If you don't like it, then you can remove it. We clip children's finger and toe nails, we trim their head hair, etc. etc.

There are beauticians who specialize in waxing children's eyebrows so that they will still look like children. They don't touch the arch, just the unibrow and sometimes trim the brows. Some kids will ask for it. You see that I picked up a shaver and shaved my legs when I was very little with no comments from parents or friends. I just didn't like it, and I noticed that adults didn't have it. I probably knew about the concept of shaving and wanted to do it too! I remember I had a friend who shaved her arm, and my cousin shaved off her eyebrow when she was 6 because she didn't like the unibrow and her mother hadn't had the idea to take her for a waxing. Believe me, after that, she started waxing her!
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Ruchi




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 2:21 pm
mummiedearest wrote:
horrible idea. I would be livid if a sibling pointed out my child's hairiness. and I would be livid if it turns out that there were three parties involved in telling me about it. that's creepy, gross, and wrong. it's hair, people. it's not unsanitary. get over it.


Why on earth would the mother need to know if 3 parties were involved?
If someone was as dumb to tell her, then of course this is a no go situation.
If my sister were to mention to me causually that she noticed my daughter is hairy and tells me there are methods to deal with this to make sure the child does not feel stigmatised by it, I would never think she was sent by a 3rd party.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 2:35 pm
Ruchi wrote:
Why on earth would the mother need to know if 3 parties were involved?
If someone was as dumb to tell her, then of course this is a no go situation.
If my sister were to mention to me causually that she noticed my daughter is hairy and tells me there are methods to deal with this to make sure the child does not feel stigmatised by it, I would never think she was sent by a 3rd party.


I've been in situations where I accidently found out that people were discussing my "situation" behind my back. A little slip of the tongue can do it.
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monseychick




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 2:42 pm
Am I the only chick here who was an avid reader of Cosmo and 17 in high school and learned how to take care of these things..
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 5:45 pm
Gimme an M!
Gimme a Y!
Gimme an O!
Gimme a B!

M-Y-O-B!
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rainbow dash




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 29 2014, 5:48 pm
monseychick wrote:
Am I the only chick here who was an avid reader of Cosmo and 17 in high school and learned how to take care of these things..


nope. I was reading tween magazines since 13.
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