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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
How to motivate 6 & 7 y.o. to do hw
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Dawling




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 9:50 am
I need ideas of how to motivate my first and second grade DDs to do their homework.
In a friendly, gentle way that keeps our relationship intact and teaches them to own this responsibility.

since this is the start of their school career, I understand the importance of doing this right.

TIA.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 9:57 am
Get everyone set up at the table with their homework, and sit there with them. Show interest. If it's too hard, tell them to tell their teacher that it was too hard. Don't push them. Limit the time to no more than an hour. Should only take 15 minutes though. If homework proves too hard consistently, consult with the teacher.
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 9:57 am
First of all, homework needs to be simply part of the daily routine. Come home/eat snack/play/dinner/bath/brush teeth. Homework belongs in there somewhere (wherever makes sense for you). It's a nonnegotiable, like brushing teeth or whatever chores are expected of them. Now, I believe the rule is homeowrk should not be taking more than 10 minutes per grade number (so the six year old should be 10 minutes, the 7 year old 20 etc. I think you may need to double for kodesh/chol). If they're having trouble completing their homework in the allotted time frame, it's time to call the teacher- there's either too much homework, or your child is struggling with something. Lastly, don't freak out about getting the homework perfect- the point of homework is not to get it perfect, it's to practice, and for the teacher to see how well the kids understood what was taught that day. It's ok to get a few things wrong, the teacher will then see what needs review. And again, if there are consistent problems, it could be a sign that either the teacher needs to adjust the assignments or the child needs extra help.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 10:14 am
Few kids are motivated to do homework. But it's non negotiable.

What is going on at the moment, OP?
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acccdac




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 11:52 am
I found that with one of my children it was helpful to have an incentive chart similar to what teachers put on desks. At times it was just the 25 boxes, other times I put a number of boxes based on subject. He got to color in the boxes when homework was done. based on the amount of homework/sheets I told him if he could color in more than 1 box.

He got a reward when the chart was full.

Also try and get them in the habit of asking a question and then continuing on their own.
child: mommy I dont know what I am suppose to do?
you: OK, read me the directions (for the ones who can read, otherwise you read it outloud)
child: "Write the numbers from smallest to greatest"
you: OK, what does that mean?
child: that I need to find the smallest number then the next smallest, etc
you: great! now you can do your homework.

You should not be sitting there pointing and saying okay do #1, now #2, etc.

my son's teacher also suggested putting on a timer. She said math should take 10 min, ELA 10 min, and 15 min reading. Turn the timer on, whatever is not done in that time is left blank, with a note saying time was finished. The thought of handing in incomplete work is a nightmare for my son, he needed to learn that non perfection is okay and that if he wastes his own time there is a consequence.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 1:26 pm
Just thought I'd make you all laugh.............

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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 1:40 pm
Have your kids do homework a few minutes after coming home. Let them unwind for a bit, have a snack and then get the homework done before supper. This way the incentive is a whole free night till bedtime. That's how we did it as kids and we didn't mind the homework most of the time.
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 2:03 pm
Don't treat homework as optional. It's an expectation.
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Scrabble123




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 2:07 pm
People are not going to go for this, but it was not my mother's responsibility to ensure I completed my homework. It was also not her responsibility to assist me in completing it. If a teacher assigned homework, she/he expects the students to have enough responsibility to complete it on their own with the tools learned in school. If I didn't do my homework, I had to suffer the consequence dished out by the teacher and the embarrassment of not having it completed. I always did my homework and did not procrastinate. I would recommend buying your DDs a planner where they can write down their daily assignments: when they come home they can take out their planners and do their work accordingly. I know what I wrote sounds harsh, but it teaches responsibility and independence.
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 2:11 pm
Scrabble123 wrote:
People are not going to go for this, but it was not my mother's responsibility to ensure I completed my homework. It was also not her responsibility to assist me in completing it. If a teacher assigned homework, she/he expects the students to have enough responsibility to complete it on their own with the tools learned in school. If I didn't do my homework, I had to suffer the consequence dished out by the teacher and the embarrassment of not having it completed. I always did my homework and did not procrastinate. I would recommend buying your DDs a planner where they can write down their daily assignments: when they come home they can take out their planners and do their work accordingly. I know what I wrote sounds harsh, but it teaches responsibility and independence.


This was my mother's philosophy as well. I just didn't do my homework. My schools didn't enforce consequences really and I did fine on the exams so they let it slide.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 2:14 pm
Scrabble123 wrote:
People are not going to go for this, but it was not my mother's responsibility to ensure I completed my homework. It was also not her responsibility to assist me in completing it. If a teacher assigned homework, she/he expects the students to have enough responsibility to complete it on their own with the tools learned in school. If I didn't do my homework, I had to suffer the consequence dished out by the teacher and the embarrassment of not having it completed. I always did my homework and did not procrastinate. I would recommend buying your DDs a planner where they can write down their daily assignments: when they come home they can take out their planners and do their work accordingly. I know what I wrote sounds harsh, but it teaches responsibility and independence.


I think this is great, not harsh at all. I would think it appropriate for second grade and up as first grade homework is still a start of the learning how to do homework phase and very parent based.

The problem is teacher's who don't want to take on the responsibility of making children responsible for their homework. I love teacher's who say by orientation they will take care of homework that doesn't get done - this way it doesn't impact the parent child relationship and it teaches children to take responsibility for themselves.
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 2:17 pm
Scrabble123 wrote:
People are not going to go for this, but it was not my mother's responsibility to ensure I completed my homework. It was also not her responsibility to assist me in completing it. If a teacher assigned homework, she/he expects the students to have enough responsibility to complete it on their own with the tools learned in school. If I didn't do my homework, I had to suffer the consequence dished out by the teacher and the embarrassment of not having it completed. I always did my homework and did not procrastinate. I would recommend buying your DDs a planner where they can write down their daily assignments: when they come home they can take out their planners and do their work accordingly. I know what I wrote sounds harsh, but it teaches responsibility and independence.


This is true for older kids, not so much for op's kids. 6-7 is REALLY young from an executive functioning standpoint. Parents DO need to be more on top at that age. Now, I think you are right in that parents shouldn't be sitting there watching them do the homework and correcting it- that is overdoing it, and actually defeats the purpose of homework. But op should certainly be in charge of deciding when (say, after snack, or after 30 minutes of downtime or what have you), and she should be on top of clearing the dining table and sitting the kids there with their stuff and saying, ok, homework time, I'm setting the timer now.
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Dawling




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 3:56 pm
OP here.

I appreciate all the advice.
To answer you, imasinger, I'm open to dissecting where my possible mistakes are. Again, with the intention of the long term gain.

Here's what's happening now:

Living in EY, they're home by 1:30pm so lunch is first.
Then, they play around a little and usually, avoid the hw idea altogether.
If they ask to play outside or have a friend come, I'll say "sure, when your hw is finished".
I'll even say, "let's sit down now and get started on your hw".
So, I'll admit that this is probably my first mistake-- not sure how disciplinary to be. And based on your responses, it seems that I need to make it part of the daily routine. Lunch then hw. No questions asked.

Once we're sitting together (all 3 of us) w/ their backpacks and books open, I'll hear a vague "I don't know what to do" or "I need help". I instruct them to ask me a specific question like "I need help w/ this", etc. I'm sitting there w/ them, interested, answering questions, reading the instructions to the 1st grader.

But they don't just zip through it. The hw is really not that hard nor that much, especially at this stage in the school year. But they seem uninterested and unmotivated. So a 1 pg assignment that should take 10 min takes 30 min.
Even if I remove the distractions from the room (e.g., noisy siblings), they'll get distracted by their markers in their pencil case, etc.
(I've considered ADD/ADHD, but the teachers said they're not displaying the symptoms in class and the initial screening test also came back neg.)

Often, they don't finish the hw (yes, it accumulates and makes it harder to complete) and they didn't get to play outside or have friends. We both lose. :-(

When I've spoken to other mothers in the same class, their DDs finish it right before or right after lunch, no problem and in less than 30 min.

Their teachers said they listen well in class, the 2nd grader got 100% on her math test, and they generally follow what's going on. And this scenario is exactly what happened last year when the 2nd grader was in 1st grade. (I was probably the only mother looking forward to summer vacation so I didn't have to deal w/ the hw battle.)

I do think it is supposed to be their responsibility later on but that it's my job now, while they're young, to teach that to them.
I just don't know how! I'm at such a loss! Confused

I'm totally open to constructive criticism and improving so please feel free. Just please don't attack. :-)
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 4:07 pm
maybe I send my kids to an exceptional school, but my kids don't really need me to make them do homework. They do it on their own. I might need to remind them to do it before it gets too late/supper/other activities. They are 6 and 10 but this has been the case with most of my kids. One had mild difficulties when he was younger so I needed to be more on top of him. He didn't need reminding to do it, it would just take him a long time. I think after discussing it with the teacher, she said he should stop after ten minutes if a piece of homework was taking too long.

But it sounds like this is the experience with your kids classmates. So I don't know why your kids are doing this. Do they have any learning difficulties? Maybe they find writing hard. My son is a bright kid but found writing hard so he would procrastinate.
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catonmylap




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 4:12 pm
We're just always asking-- before he starts watching anything- I ask, did you do your homework? When he has tzaharon, he usually completes his homework there.

Dh has also starting asking again in the morning to doublecheck that he's done everything...

I occasionally doublecheck his yoman to see... I've learned that if it's math homework, it's never a fuss, but if it's ivrit, he sometimes needs help. Today I was impressed that he wrote a whole paragraph for Torah without asking for help.

They started giving out weekly slips that show if they completed their homework and came to class with all their supplies. My son is very motivated by such things, and it shows.. I feel things are getting smoother now in kita bet than they were in kita aleph.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 5:15 pm
Scrabble123 wrote:
People are not going to go for this, but it was not my mother's responsibility to ensure I completed my homework. It was also not her responsibility to assist me in completing it. If a teacher assigned homework, she/he expects the students to have enough responsibility to complete it on their own with the tools learned in school. If I didn't do my homework, I had to suffer the consequence dished out by the teacher and the embarrassment of not having it completed. I always did my homework and did not procrastinate. I would recommend buying your DDs a planner where they can write down their daily assignments: when they come home they can take out their planners and do their work accordingly. I know what I wrote sounds harsh, but it teaches responsibility and independence.


THIS!

I went through all the stages with DD. I hovered and coached, I negotiated, I begged, I bribed, I did charts, I threatened, I yelled, I punished, I literally cried, and no matter what I did, the results were always the same. The grades were the same, the amount of homework that got done (or not) was the same. I finally had to accept that it was out of my hands.

One day I stumbled across a parenting blog that cited a study where kids who had lots of help with their homework were far more likely to do badly on tests! The more help they got at home, the worse they did in school. This really helped take the guilt feelings off of me.

Now, I just tell DD that homework has to be done before she can go out to play. It can take her 30 minutes, or 3 hours, her choice. If she's genuinely stuck I'll help if I can, and I stay in close contact with her teachers. Other than that, she has to take responsibility for her work.

I've also encouraged her to speak up more in class, ask more questions, and get more clarification on things, so by the time she gets home she has a better idea of what is expected of her. I really put the responsibility of communication on her, and it helps her a lot. When she feels more in control, she's happier too.
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granolamom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 8:15 pm
Scrabble123 wrote:
People are not going to go for this, but it was not my mother's responsibility to ensure I completed my homework. It was also not her responsibility to assist me in completing it. If a teacher assigned homework, she/he expects the students to have enough responsibility to complete it on their own with the tools learned in school. If I didn't do my homework, I had to suffer the consequence dished out by the teacher and the embarrassment of not having it completed. I always did my homework and did not procrastinate. I would recommend buying your DDs a planner where they can write down their daily assignments: when they come home they can take out their planners and do their work accordingly. I know what I wrote sounds harsh, but it teaches responsibility and independence.


these days, at least in my kids schools, first and second graders are often not ABLE to do the homework independently. First, there is lots of reading involved in the instructions, and its not on a first/second grade level. then, oftentimes, the child does not know how to do the homework (in theory I say leave it undone so the teacher knows but my kids feel really uncomfortable bringing in incomplete work, so I do help). also, many 6-7 yo's are still highly distractible and disorganized and still do need some help from a parent.
I agree with you in theory, but I am loathe to allow my child to suffer embarrassment because his teacher was unable to sufficiently reach him in class to ensure that he could complete the homework independently. unfortunately, teachers read the notes I send AFTER they collect h.w. so jotting a note doesnt work, even if its on the hw paper.
but take this all fwiw, I have been known to speak with teachers about exempting my kids from h.w. I think its highly overrated in most cases.
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granolamom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 8:27 pm
OP, I think you might benefit from setting a more firm routine. in my house, hw goes faster when I work with one kid at a time. also, my kids each get 30 min per day of 'screen time' on my ipad. its pretty tightly scheduled, since I only have one ipad and I dont allow ipad use within an hr of bedtime. so I start hw with the youngest first. if he's not done before I am ready to serve dinner, he loses his hw time with me and loses his ipad time if he doesnt complete it by himself. I allot a specific amount of time to each child for hw help, they can use it or lose it. I am not going to sit at the table with my 7 yo while he dawdles and doodles all over his papers. if he's not focused and attending (and he is very distractible) I will redirect him once or twice and then I get up and we are done for the night.

so I suggest that you think about what kind of schedule would work in your house and what kind of consequence follows this type of homework misbehavior if you want to call it that. here, its loss of ipad time. maybe for you it means no time to play outside or no bedtime story. The trick is to find something that you can enforce. before we had an ipad, I used to give an extra 10 min of bedtime attention to the kids if they finished their homework promptly. you get a sense of how long hw should take your child and set it that way.
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granolamom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 8:29 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
THIS!

I went through all the stages with DD. I hovered and coached, I negotiated, I begged, I bribed, I did charts, I threatened, I yelled, I punished, I literally cried, and no matter what I did, the results were always the same. The grades were the same, the amount of homework that got done (or not) was the same. I finally had to accept that it was out of my hands.

One day I stumbled across a parenting blog that cited a study where kids who had lots of help with their homework were far more likely to do badly on tests! The more help they got at home, the worse they did in school. This really helped take the guilt feelings off of me.

Now, I just tell DD that homework has to be done before she can go out to play. It can take her 30 minutes, or 3 hours, her choice. If she's genuinely stuck I'll help if I can, and I stay in close contact with her teachers. Other than that, she has to take responsibility for her work.

I've also encouraged her to speak up more in class, ask more questions, and get more clarification on things, so by the time she gets home she has a better idea of what is expected of her. I really put the responsibility of communication on her, and it helps her a lot. When she feels more in control, she's happier too.





interesting. ime, my kids who did poorly on tests needed more help with homework. they werent learning the material well in school and needed me to reteach in order to do homework.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 8:57 pm
If your child comes home with assignments that he/she doesn't understand, then you are paying WAY too much in tuition. The teachers have your children all day long, and it's their job to make sure that the kids understand what is expected of them. You should not have to "reteach" your children.

Call the school and make an appointment with the administration and teachers, and find out why your child is not absorbing the material in the classroom.
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