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Forum
-> Judaism
-> Halachic Questions and Discussions
chaos
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Tue, Sep 30 2014, 10:16 pm
Dina_B613 wrote: | I guessing I'm wondering, if these people have time to gossip about your tichel enough that a Rav notices, maybe they could come clean my kitchen? They clearly have too much time on your hands. Maybe with that free time they could get together a pool of money to buy you a sheitel? |
You said it!
Not to mention that tichel vs. sheitel, husband's vs community minhag are minchag level issues. Lashon Hara is a Torah level mitzvah. Maybe instead of telling your husband to tell you to change a minhag that you and your husband are both comfortable with, the Rav should be teaching the rest of the community about lashon hara.
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rowo
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Tue, Sep 30 2014, 11:48 pm
See if you can find a broad minded mashpia type person to discuss this with.
You need to find the balance that's right for you and your family.
Many baalei teshuva straight away adopt all chabad minhagim because they are coming from a place without their own.
You are coming with family minhagim that are halachically acceptable, so I think it's a whole dif story.
Speak to rabbonim, mashpi'im, people that you respect, your dh! and work out what's right for you at this time.
In a few months or years you might feel differently
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amother
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Wed, Oct 01 2014, 8:18 am
poelmamosh wrote: | You have to decide on your own (with some input from your husband because it has implications of your family, especially your future daughter IYH and how THEY decide to cover |
OP here. I don't really understand what you mean. Do you mean that my future daughters IYH will need to wear a tichel because I do? Then why would I do the opposite? Or do you mean that they might decide to wear a shaitel? I really, really wouldn't have a problem with that. Actually, I would think it's normal since they grow up Lubavitch. It's just that it doesn't feel right for me to change haircovering, or not for the time being. Don't worry, no one ever saw a strand of my hair.
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amother
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Wed, Oct 01 2014, 8:30 am
rowo wrote: | See if you can find a broad minded mashpia type person to discuss this with.
You need to find the balance that's right for you and your family.
Many baalei teshuva straight away adopt all chabad minhagim because they are coming from a place without their own.
You are coming with family minhagim that are halachically acceptable, so I think it's a whole dif story.
Speak to rabbonim, mashpi'im, people that you respect, your dh! and work out what's right for you at this time.
In a few months or years you might feel differently |
Op here. I really feel this.
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kollel wife
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Wed, Oct 01 2014, 10:06 am
Please excuse my ignorance because I am litvish.
I see chassidishe ladies wearing a "sprintzel" or a shaitel which is mostly covered by a kercheif. I don't meet a hat with a lot of the sheitel showing, but very little, just bangs.
You'd be folllowing the Lubavitche Rebbe who felt a shaitel is the best covering but not really wearing a wig - does this idea appeal to you? I guess it would be a step down from only wearing a tichel, but less so that totally a sheitel.
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poelmamosh
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Wed, Oct 01 2014, 2:16 pm
amother wrote: | OP here. I don't really understand what you mean. Do you mean that my future daughters IYH will need to wear a tichel because I do? Then why would I do the opposite? Or do you mean that they might decide to wear a shaitel? I really, really wouldn't have a problem with that. Actually, I would think it's normal since they grow up Lubavitch. It's just that it doesn't feel right for me to change haircovering, or not for the time being. Don't worry, no one ever saw a strand of my hair. |
I mean that since your girls would be exposed to the Rebbe's view via their lubavitch chinuch and your own variant method of covering, it would be a point of discussion (hopefully, or at worst, contention). I notice that later on in the thread you mention your dh wants the tichel, so this is a moot point, anyway.
kollelwife, the Rebbe didn't go for the hat+sheitel either. Stylistically, I mean, not if it's one particular minhag. The Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka (his wife) covered this way and there's plenty discussion about that too (even on this board!).
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amother
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Wed, Oct 01 2014, 3:19 pm
Chayalle wrote: | I was told to adopt my DH's minhagim when I married, wherever they conflicted with mine. But I didn't have such a big change to make - nothing so external. My biggest difference - I changed my nusach of tefillah from Sfard to Ashkenaz.
My sister eats gebrokts on Pesach, since her marriage.
There were some things I changed about my dress when I moved to Lakewood, because the Rabbonim here are more stringent than where I grew up. Those changes were hard for me but I got used to them. |
Interesting because I daven ashkanaz and DH davens sfard. When we got married we asked Dhs rav and he specifically told me not to change my nusach.
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amother
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Wed, Oct 01 2014, 3:44 pm
kollelwife, I wouldn't really see the point in wearing a shpitzel because it would still be changing my haircovering, and it's neither what my mother wears nor what people wear in Lubavitch.
poelmamosh, as I said, I have no problem with other people wearing shaitels. I wouldn't have any problem with daughters wearing shaitels and neither would DH. Now if schools would object, that would be a different story, but we are not there yet. I guess I need time to think it over.
Thank you all, I really appreciate your comments.
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amother
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Wed, Oct 01 2014, 7:24 pm
amother wrote: | Interesting because I daven ashkanaz and DH davens sfard. When we got married we asked Dhs rav and he specifically told me not to change my nusach. |
The difference is that you daven Ashkenaz which many hold is the orginal nusach and should not be changed to something else if you daven that.
DH's family before the war davened nussach Sfard but his father attended Shuls that daven Ashkenaz and in the Yeshiva DH davened was Ashkenaz. DH can't change to Nussach Sfard even though that is his family's real minhag.
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