Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions
Difficult to keep family minhogim
Previous  1  2



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

chaos




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 10:16 pm
Dina_B613 wrote:
I guessing I'm wondering, if these people have time to gossip about your tichel enough that a Rav notices, maybe they could come clean my kitchen? They clearly have too much time on your hands. Maybe with that free time they could get together a pool of money to buy you a sheitel?


You said it!

Not to mention that tichel vs. sheitel, husband's vs community minhag are minchag level issues. Lashon Hara is a Torah level mitzvah. Maybe instead of telling your husband to tell you to change a minhag that you and your husband are both comfortable with, the Rav should be teaching the rest of the community about lashon hara.
Back to top

rowo




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 30 2014, 11:48 pm
See if you can find a broad minded mashpia type person to discuss this with.
You need to find the balance that's right for you and your family.
Many baalei teshuva straight away adopt all chabad minhagim because they are coming from a place without their own.
You are coming with family minhagim that are halachically acceptable, so I think it's a whole dif story.
Speak to rabbonim, mashpi'im, people that you respect, your dh! and work out what's right for you at this time.
In a few months or years you might feel differently
Back to top

amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 8:18 am
poelmamosh wrote:
You have to decide on your own (with some input from your husband because it has implications of your family, especially your future daughter IYH and how THEY decide to cover

OP here. I don't really understand what you mean. Do you mean that my future daughters IYH will need to wear a tichel because I do? Then why would I do the opposite? Or do you mean that they might decide to wear a shaitel? I really, really wouldn't have a problem with that. Actually, I would think it's normal since they grow up Lubavitch. It's just that it doesn't feel right for me to change haircovering, or not for the time being. Don't worry, no one ever saw a strand of my hair.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 8:30 am
rowo wrote:
See if you can find a broad minded mashpia type person to discuss this with.
You need to find the balance that's right for you and your family.
Many baalei teshuva straight away adopt all chabad minhagim because they are coming from a place without their own.
You are coming with family minhagim that are halachically acceptable, so I think it's a whole dif story.
Speak to rabbonim, mashpi'im, people that you respect, your dh! and work out what's right for you at this time.
In a few months or years you might feel differently

Op here. I really feel this.
Back to top

kollel wife




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 10:06 am
Please excuse my ignorance because I am litvish.
I see chassidishe ladies wearing a "sprintzel" or a shaitel which is mostly covered by a kercheif. I don't meet a hat with a lot of the sheitel showing, but very little, just bangs.

You'd be folllowing the Lubavitche Rebbe who felt a shaitel is the best covering but not really wearing a wig - does this idea appeal to you? I guess it would be a step down from only wearing a tichel, but less so that totally a sheitel.
Back to top

poelmamosh




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 2:16 pm
amother wrote:
OP here. I don't really understand what you mean. Do you mean that my future daughters IYH will need to wear a tichel because I do? Then why would I do the opposite? Or do you mean that they might decide to wear a shaitel? I really, really wouldn't have a problem with that. Actually, I would think it's normal since they grow up Lubavitch. It's just that it doesn't feel right for me to change haircovering, or not for the time being. Don't worry, no one ever saw a strand of my hair.


I mean that since your girls would be exposed to the Rebbe's view via their lubavitch chinuch and your own variant method of covering, it would be a point of discussion (hopefully, or at worst, contention). I notice that later on in the thread you mention your dh wants the tichel, so this is a moot point, anyway.

kollelwife, the Rebbe didn't go for the hat+sheitel either. Stylistically, I mean, not if it's one particular minhag. The Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka (his wife) covered this way and there's plenty discussion about that too (even on this board!).
Back to top

amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 3:19 pm
Chayalle wrote:
I was told to adopt my DH's minhagim when I married, wherever they conflicted with mine. But I didn't have such a big change to make - nothing so external. My biggest difference - I changed my nusach of tefillah from Sfard to Ashkenaz.

My sister eats gebrokts on Pesach, since her marriage.

There were some things I changed about my dress when I moved to Lakewood, because the Rabbonim here are more stringent than where I grew up. Those changes were hard for me but I got used to them.

Interesting because I daven ashkanaz and DH davens sfard. When we got married we asked Dhs rav and he specifically told me not to change my nusach.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 3:44 pm
kollelwife, I wouldn't really see the point in wearing a shpitzel because it would still be changing my haircovering, and it's neither what my mother wears nor what people wear in Lubavitch.
poelmamosh, as I said, I have no problem with other people wearing shaitels. I wouldn't have any problem with daughters wearing shaitels and neither would DH. Now if schools would object, that would be a different story, but we are not there yet. I guess I need time to think it over.
Thank you all, I really appreciate your comments.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 7:24 pm
amother wrote:
Interesting because I daven ashkanaz and DH davens sfard. When we got married we asked Dhs rav and he specifically told me not to change my nusach.


The difference is that you daven Ashkenaz which many hold is the orginal nusach and should not be changed to something else if you daven that.

DH's family before the war davened nussach Sfard but his father attended Shuls that daven Ashkenaz and in the Yeshiva DH davened was Ashkenaz. DH can't change to Nussach Sfard even though that is his family's real minhag.
Back to top
Page 2 of 2 Previous  1  2 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Do babies keep spitting up after starting food?
by amother
2 Today at 12:02 am View last post
Family planning cuz of financial stress
by amother
6 Yesterday at 6:08 pm View last post
Family hotline
by amother
6 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:24 pm View last post
Baltimore: Jewish school for nonfrum family
by amother
15 Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:19 pm View last post
Do you consider where family when you choose where to live?
by amother
13 Sun, Mar 24 2024, 8:55 am View last post