SAHM or Work - which is really better financially?

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 8:35 am

nyer1 wrote:

I'm feel really sorry that you are in this predicament but guess what. welcome to the middle class. we have high taxes and high insurance premiums and we work our tails off. that's life. if you are an able bodied person with no children at home it is NOT OKAY that you stay home not working, collecting government aid just because you feel that you don't make enough money. if you don't make enough money, then go get an EDUCATION in a well paying field and go out to work for the rest of us. why should you get to stay home while I have to go bust my tail every single day with a 1.5 hour commute every single day??? I'M PAYING FOR YOUR MEDICAID.
and guess what?
I don't have cleaning help. after commuting back and forth every single day, I come home and cook and clean. I pay for a babysitter every day in addition to preschool tuition. and GUESS WHAT? there isn't that much left!!! thank gd I have a well paying job and I am able to put money into retirement and savings. but you know how I got here? I GOT AN EDUCATION.

I'm sorry but I really feel so strongly about this and I hate that their are so many people who don't see that this is an awful epidemic, ESPECIALLY in the drum community

And I guess you paid for your own education yourself? And got that education without any parental encouragement or support whatsoever? If not, there is no call for that nasty tone of voice. Because that is the reality for many frum girls - they need to be very self motivated to go out and get an education, all the more so if they married at 19 and have a few little kids.

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 8:42 am

nyer1 wrote:

why should you get to stay home while I have to go bust my tail every single day with a 1.5 hour commute every single day??? I'M PAYING FOR YOUR MEDICAID.
and guess what?
I don't have cleaning help. after commuting back and forth every single day, I come home and cook and clean. I pay for a babysitter every day in addition to preschool tuition. and GUESS WHAT? there isn't that much left!!!

We all make choices in life. Nobody is forcing you to bust your tail. You can also choose to stay home and be on medicaid. And not everyone has the physical, emotional, or mental wherewithall to be a supermom. And not everyone has the life circumstances to allow them an education in the field that they would be good at.
It's erev yom kippur, please don't put people down just because your life worked out.
Anonymous because people know my position on this.

happybeingamom

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 8:57 am

OP

You say you need reliable medical insurance because there are health issues in the family.

Your first priority is to make sure that by going to work you won't lose your reliable health insurance.

In regards to taxes there are a number of tax credits

Earned Income Tax Credit
Child care tax credit (your day camp expenses would fall under that)
The there is the child tax credit which you will get until your child is 17 (that is $1,000) per kid.

I would look on line for a tax calculator to help with that.

There is also a calculator online that calculates whether it makes financial sense to be a SAHP or go to work.

Since you have no skills and your income is low you might qualify for free career training which will help you get a better paying job. Call the Agudah office, I think they can help you with that (Project Cope)

Emotional

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 9:07 am

nyer1 wrote:

Nyer1, Please be considerate of the fact that if the OP has been home with her kids for years, it's not a small lifestyle change she's considering. I'm going to assume you've working full time for years, and you've already perfected the art of "busting your tail off". You are good at what you do, you're confident, you're not new at this. But realize it's a huge scary lifetstyle change for the OP, and it's understandable that she's hesitant.

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 10:16 am

Emotional wrote:

Of course its understandable that she's scared. That's why what NYer1 said was appropriate.

My Christian friends call it a "Come to Je---sus" speech." I don't know what Jews call it. Tough love?

If you just sit around saying, "woe is me, I can't do it, I can't get a good job, we'll always be poor," then you'll never do it, you'll never get a good job, and you'll always be poor. Mixing metaphors, sometimes you have to step up to the plate, put on your big girl panties, and just do it. And sometimes, someone has to tell you that its time to do just that.

I have a niece who got pregnant her senior year in high school. Her whole attitude was "woe is me, I can't' be expected to do anything now." And for the most part, except me, people pretty much let her get away with it. So now she's living with yet another boyfriend, and working as a school lunch lady.

I also have a friend who got pregnant her senior year in high school. She decided that it would not define her life. She and her husband (they married, and are still together 25 years later) worked nights cleaning office buildings to put themselves through college, so they could get good jobs.

So your parents didn't do right by you. They didn't encourage you to get an education (academic or vocational), and encouraged you to marry as a teen without any marketable skills. First and foremost, don't do that to your own kids. Now, don't get it define your life. You can do it.

Emotional

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 10:32 am

amother wrote:

Of course. But there is a difference between "don't let it define you, you can do it!" and "you lazy bum, get to work!"
The first is encouraging and empowering. The second would make a person feel like a failure before even trying.

nyer1

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 12:07 pm

amother wrote:

what do you mean it's my choice? gov't assistance is SUPPOSED to be for people who fall on hard times and need assistance. it's not meant to be used as a permanent way for someone to not go out and get a job.

nyer1

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 12:09 pm

amother wrote:

actually, yes. I did pay for my education myself. I happen to work in a very high needs public school with students from VERY VERY VERY poor families if they have family at all. yes, it's hard for them to get an education because no one is pushing them to be better. but, u know what, they're high school age. we are talking about (I'm assuming) a grown adult who has now figured out that life is EXPENSIVE, and you have to do something to better yourself to keep up with the finances.

nyer1

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 12:12 pm

Emotional wrote:

actually, no. I'm a young married person myself, only in the work force for a short amount of time. trust me, if I could afford to be home with my children I would be.

I;m not trying to say I'm better than the op for not taking government assistance, but honestly, it's really frustrating to hear the sentiment from people who say 'it's not worth it for me to go out to work' because then I get kicked off of the programs. thats LIFE. things are EXPENSIVE. live below your means, get an education, move out of town, do what you have to. staying in a situation where you can just collect benefits because it's convenient is just wrong IMO

marina

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 1:05 pm

nyer1 wrote:

I really hate the drum community. They make so much noise and so early in the morning. It really is an epidemic.

marina

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 1:07 pm

Ok OP,

Even if you stay home, this is a short term plan, not a long term plan. If you stay home and don't get any additional skills, guess what? In five years, you'll still be in the same financial position. Nothing will change. Your husband will still be making very little and you will be struggling and on government benefits.

I agree with those who say to go back to school and retrain. In your situation, I would take out loans, use those loans to pay for school and to live on and make sure you study a good field so that paying back those loans will not be a problem. That way, in five years, you will at least have a decent chance of improving your family's financial situation.

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 3:05 pm

OP, if you qualify for medicaid, you may qualify for child care if both spouse are working OR FULL TIME STUDENTS. These vouchers may be able to use in pre-school, im not sure so you have to research that, and go back to school.

You will not be making extra money while in school so your tax and health insurance wont be affected. You will probably qualify for Federal and State scholarships, which, when you use for a 2 or 4 year degree at a state or community college would be a FREE or very cheap college education.

When you graduate, you can go back to work, making a lot more than you can now, and possibly also paid health insurance.

Look into fields such as RN, which can take a shorter time to complete and pay can be $30+ per hour, with a high demand for jobs, or public school teacher, probably at least a 4 year degree, depending on state, but it will give you health insurance benefits, retirement benefits, usually shorter hours (till 2pm or so), and summers off. Also look into fields such as special education and physical or speech therapy.

Hope this post is helpful to you Smile

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 3:53 pm

amother wrote:

Yes, thank you Smile

I don't think there's childcare vouchers where I live. Although I'll look into it. And I'll look into schooling.

I knew that there will be those who are angry at my dependence on the govt. but I also understand that these programs are in place for a reason. Do I like getting govt aid? No I don't. I want to be able to afford everything myself. And I'm not jumping to take from every program there is out there. But we can't live without insurance, so that's why we have Medicaid. And I can assure you, being on the receiving end doesn't feel good. I may sound like some lazybones, sitting home with folded hands, relaxing with my feet up while I get everything I want.
But I did work until I had my kids. And when I finally became a mom after going through infertility, all I wanted was to be home with my kids. So now I'm not hesitating going back to work because I want to hang onto govt aid. I'm hesitating because I want to make sure we'll have what to live on. Going back to work, just to become a harried mother without being able to afford the basics - that's what's keeping me back.