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HUGE mistake in career choice
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amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 11:24 am
I got married young and therefore did not go to college until after I was married. I worked in an office for about 2 years and then DH and I decided I should go to school since I dont really have skills that can make significant money without a degree. He paid every penny of my education since my parents no longer paid for things after I got married. I majored in psychology because I found it interesting and looked into nutrition (which I found boring), nursing (schedule too demanding as DH does not have a flexible job and I already had a baby), and OT, PT and special ed (which I felt were flooded). Because I liked psychology I decided to go into mental health. DH was NOT happy about this because he was afraid how it woudl impact our family, and mostly because the starting pay is not great at all, it is not until you have a private practice years down the road that you can actually pull in more money. I convinced him that this is what I really wanted and I'll be happier doing somethign that I love blah blah blah...he tried to support me emotionally while I was in school, but I know he was never really happy aobut it.

Here I am a year and change after graduation working 37 hours a week + travel, 52 weeks a year. DH never wanted me to work hard, he wanted me to go into a field where I could work school hours, be off in the summer and make decent money (special ed, ot, pt...). I have full time help but I feel like I never see my kids. I can't complain about this because I decided I wanted to go into this field when DH STRONGLY advised against it. At least workign full time gives me benefits and hours towards my license, and working part time is not a good option since I will lose benefits and it will take me longer to get licensed where private practice is my ultimate endgame. (but a very long way down the road)

I feel so stuck. I want to quit my job and stay home but DH spent so much money on my education and lost money while I was in school and not working. This has taken a toll on me personally, and in my marriage as well, because while DH will try not to bring it up, whenver we argue it comes out. I'm starting to feel a little depressed, I am not taking care of myself as well, partially de to lack of time. I am gaining weight, barely make a decent supper and just feel drained all the time.

I dont' know what the right thing is to do...
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 11:37 am
IMHO mental health is the WORST field right now. Between managed care giving the jobs to less and less trained people, "coaches" nibbling away at the market, and the flooding that is there, it's the LAST field I'd advise anyone to go into.
I have a degree in mental health, and have a business in a somewhat related field. Can't say my mental health training didn't help - it did - but my business has not that much to do with my actual degree.
(that's as much as I'll say about my business - I do want to protect my identity)
I hear you.
Maybe look into something you can do from home. I heard that some people got jobs reviewing claims for insurance - they pay well and it is work-from-home work. Maybe once you're licensed, look into it!
Hatzlacha
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penguin




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 11:40 am
I would look very hard for part time work. So, it will take longer to get licensed. But, you can't make up the time that your children are growing up.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 11:43 am
Why not become a school psychologist?
You would have the best of both worlds: your love of psychology and working school hours. Plus, the pay is excellent and there's very good health benefits, at least in New York.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 11:51 am
amother wrote:
Why not become a school psychologist?
You would have the best of both worlds: your love of psychology and working school hours. Plus, the pay is excellent and there's very good health benefits, at least in New York.


OP here. I wish. Those jobs are very hard to find. Can't work for the Board of Ed until I'm licensed and private schools have so few openings...


Last edited by amother on Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:48 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 11:52 am
debsey wrote:
Maybe look into something you can do from home. I heard that some people got jobs reviewing claims for insurance - they pay well and it is work-from-home work. !
Hatzlacha


Then DH shelled out tens of thousands of dollars for nothing.


Last edited by amother on Wed, Oct 01 2014, 4:49 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:06 pm
Beautiful, I forgot to post anon. Shows where my head is at right now....

Last edited by amother on Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:48 pm; edited 1 time in total
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:10 pm
Op, what degree did you get? A college degree or a graduate degree?
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amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:11 pm
Graduate.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:48 pm; edited 1 time in total
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suzyq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:20 pm
What about looking into school-based mental health counseling? Many schools these days outsource their mental health counseling to agencies, but then you would have school-type hours and summers off.
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:23 pm
amother wrote:
Why not become a school psychologist?
You would have the best of both worlds: your love of psychology and working school hours. Plus, the pay is excellent and there's very good health benefits, at least in New York.


Board of Ed is slowly removing these positions. As testing is becoming increasingly more electronic, there will come a point where it will no longer require a psychology degree at all.
Also, if OP has a degree in a different mental health field, she'd have to start from scratch to get a school psych degree - it's a specialty. And again, not a smart one to go into. It's a dying field.
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:24 pm
amother wrote:
Then DH shelled out tens of thousands of dollars for nothing.


No, you need a mental health graduate degree to review claims. It pays well, and you can work from home! That's a win-win.
Then, when your kids are grown, you go into private practice.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:26 pm
1. Regarding posting anon you can edit the post to change that, for future readers to not ID you.

2. Do you dislike the work itself or just the hours/job situation? Because if you like the work but the situation is getting you down, I don't think the training was a waste. The future is long and you will yet find your path. It sounds like you're feeling a lot of pressure about this which is preventing you from enjoying your work. What were you doing before you had a job with benefits? What is DH's role in providing for the family? Can whatever you lived on while you were in school continue while you work part time? I don't know how it works in mental health but I was able to get extensions on the time it took to get my experience hours for teaching license while I worked part time. Maybe you can find something that requires less travel and gives more time off, 52 weeks a year is not typical working conditions.

My point is that if you like this work, you can probably figure out how to make it work and not be a waste. It doesn't need to be all or nothing. Look with a wider lens toward the future.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:30 pm
I don't know what to tell you but I will tell you one thing- I would not frame this as your husband shelling out money and you wasting his $. You are a unit and you spent your (plural) $ on this degree. At the time, it seemed like a good idea. It might still be a good idea. The fact that you are well educated will help you, even if you don't stay in this field.

Many people change careers, it's so normal. I know doctors and scientists who spent MANY years and tons of money and ended up completely retraining and they are fine. What you are going through is normal. Yes, it would have been easier if you knew what you wanted to do but most people don't have that luxury. Tell yourself that you are normal!

The money and time are already spent, so now the question is what do you do. I think it might be a good idea for you take a break, maybe just a few months, just to get yourself together. I don't know if that's possible for you, but it may be enough to refresh yourself and figure out what you want to do next. And it's possible that after your break is done, you will feel excited to go back to work and have some new ideas about how to make it more manageable. It's possible that you will realize that you love being a SAHM and then you can evaluate if that makes sense for you. You may want go back to grad school in a related field (public health, public policy, health education) and having your current degree will help you. You may want to get a more advanced degree in psychology that has more job opportunities (not sure if you have a masters in which case this is relevant or a PsyD or a PhD in which case this isn't so relevant). Perhaps you can do something related, but not so related like life coaching or hypnotherapy (yes I am totally throwing out random ideas).

I hope this is helpful. Good luck!
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:34 pm
tichellady wrote:
I don't know what to tell you but I will tell you one thing- I would not frame this as your husband shelling out money and you wasting his $. You are a unit and you spent your (plural) $ on this degree. At the time, it seemed like a good idea. It might still be a good idea. The fact that you are well educated will help you, even if you don't stay in this field.
Thank you tichellady. I wanted to say this as well. OP, this is not your husband giving HIS money. It is BOTH of you using YOUR money to further your FAMILY'S income.

When you are married money is the couple's, not one or the others.
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Sherri




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:36 pm
OP, you can now go back to your posts and switch them to anon- cool new feature Yael added recently.

Good luck!
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princessleah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:36 pm
I am a psychologist. I am in a low-paying full time job that is annoying me but I am working on starting a private practice now.

If you are acquiring hours towards licensure, it sounds like you already graduated. You can complete those hours in one year. That is not such a bad amount of time and then you can start your private practice.
What kind of setting do you work in now? Hospital? Agency? 37 hours per week is not standard full-time-- that's 40 hours/week. So it sounds to me, at least, that it's not so bad. 52 weeks per year is standard in terms of most jobs, but I'm assuming if you have benefits those include vacation too, right?

Tell me some more about your situation and I"ll think of ways to make it easier. How long since you graduated? Did you take the licensing exam yet?
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amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 12:51 pm
Thanks all who told me about the edit feature.

debsey wrote:
No, you need a mental health graduate degree to review claims. It pays well, and you can work from home! That's a win-win.
.


Do you know where I can find out more information about this?
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amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 1:00 pm
princessleah wrote:

Tell me some more about your situation and I"ll think of ways to make it easier. How long since you graduated? Did you take the licensing exam yet?


I have graduated. I am getting hours towards my license but have not taken the test yet. I am doing more liason work than clinical work, and while it's ok, it's not so stimulating. I HATE the long hours away from my kids! And a private practice seems so far away...

To all those that said DH and I were in this together, he STRONGLY advised me against this field but I didn't listen. He supported me to make me happy and now he's trying not to say "I told you so"
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amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 01 2014, 1:09 pm
I want to say that I'm in a very similar situation, except in my case, it was my parents who paid for my education, not my DH.

I also went into the mental health field, but after completing my degree and over 3 years of part-time internships, I could not continue anymore. I HATED the work.

It was hard to leave the field, even though I hated it, because I was so consumed by guilt. I felt terrible for "wasting" my parents' money. My father had never been supportive of the idea, but he paid for my education anyways. I was overwhelmed by guilt.

But I moved on (waaaaay easier said than done, but I did it) and found something else that I really like! A friend of mine recently commented how much happier I seem these days. I feel so, so, so much better now that I'm not doing something I hate.

Here's what I've learned:
1) Education is never a waste. So you won't necessarily practice with your degree. You learned a lot and it has and will continue to transform the way you view/interact with the world. IMHO, psychology is a great field to study for personal growth.

2) You learned a lot about yourself. At least you tried. You had legitimate reasons for not pursuing other degrees, and so you tried your best. You couldn't have known how hard and tiring it would be, for real, until you tried it. Now that you have, you can say that you have done everything you could have.

3) Cut your losses! Do you want to pursue this field for another 10 years and then feel like you wasted those 10 additional years?!?! NO! (Trust me!)

4) It's okay to make mistakes. Even "HUGE" ones. Everyone does. Really. It's okay.

I know that it'll be hard to make a career switch or stop working, but try it. See if you feel better. If you are a better wife/person/mother because you are no longer doing something you hate, it is so worth it.

May Hashem bentch you and all those in similar situations with a good, healthy, and prosperous new year. Gmar chasima tova!
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