DD Teen bedwetter.

st1000

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 12:40 am

amother wrote:

I don't mean to hijack ur post, but I'm going thru a similar challenge with my 14 year old son. This is not sudden. It's been on & off for years. I'm really concerned. I've discussed this with my doc many times, who doesn't seemed as concerned. He says to give it time. I tried the alarm, he doesn't hear it..
Still looking for a solution.

Wow, I know what you are going thru, it's so difficult, have u tried wearing protection

Jeanette

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 12:43 am

st1000 wrote:

Op here,

Therapist advised not to use Desmpressin. Sad

why not?
Does the urologist also recommend against it?
when you said it was out of the question I thought there was a medical reason. If it's for psychological reasons then maybe you need to rethink this or get another opinion.

2gether

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 1:16 am

Try exercize,it works like a charm if the problem is physical.

st1000

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 2:33 am

Jeanette wrote:

Because she actually tried it, but it had some side effects on her, so we had to stop.

st1000

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 2:56 am

Uch! Just tried to wake her now before I'm going to sleep, she didn't wanna wake up, she was upset at me.

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 3:15 am

My DD is 17 and only just recently got dry. She used Minarin and it helped her. For years she used regular size 6 diapers, because they worked well and they were cheaper than anything else. Waking her up never worked for us, either. She hated that. Nothing worked except the Minarin.

Another trip to a better urologist is in order, imo. There may be another med to try. You could also try homeopathy. There may be a homeopathic (no side effects) that can help with this.

st1000

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 3:21 am

amother wrote:

Oh wow! So when did minarin start to work? And until what age did you keep her in a diaper?

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 3:27 am

st1000 wrote:

Oh wow! So when did minarin start to work? And until what age did you keep her in a diaper?

Just this year, to both your questions.

st1000

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 3:29 am

amother wrote:

Just this year, to both your questions.

Can you please pm me?

imaima

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 5:22 am

amother wrote:

Hello,

I know this is really rare, but I really need help here, my DD 16, started to wet her bed.

At first she was trying to hide it, But one morning I caught her red handed, (yellow handed...lol) and she freaked out, I remained calm, and I told her its ok, accidents happen, she shouldn't worry about it, And I saw she was very embarrassed and I didnt wanna make a big deal out of it, I just told her to take a shower, she shouldnt worry.
we didnt talk about it after, she just threw her stuff in the hamper.

The next day I was doing laundry, (from the past 3 days) and there you go...I found a few dirty undies and her pjs in the hamper, I was kinda shocked, I didnt know how to approach her, if at all, so I decided to walk in on her the next morning, so I did, and she was still sleeping, but it was late for school, so I woke her, and she right away still half asleep checked her self, and she opened her eyes and realized im there, and she was like making sure shes all covered....

so I asked her if everything is ok, she was like...yeah, so I asked her how long is this going on, she was shocked that I knew, (moms find everything.... Wink

). and shes a bad liar...so she told me this is going on for a few days now, I was very concerned and upset of her not telling me,but I understood her trying to hide it, I wouldt be different...

so I told her its ok, but its not so common, at least to happen out of the blue, so I told her il make her an appointment to the dr. this could be very serious, diabetes or a kidney problem ch"v she didnt wanna go, but I convinced her, she went to a urologist (first to our fam dr) dr made all kinds of tests and asked all kind of questions, the results came back that its not a physical problem bh, its a psychological problem coming from stress, (her friend passed away recently)

And shes currently seeing a therapist for the stress issue, but the dr and the therapist made it very clear that this issue will take some time to go away, we have to be very patient and relaxed, it will go away.
I asked the therapist what means some time, she told me months, maybe even a year!!!
we weren't very happy with the news but I was happy that its nothing major (physical) bh,

So here is my/our problem, the wetting obliviously continued, and its happening almost every night if not every.... embarrassed

and it came to a situation where I was really frustrated, (im sure she too) plus everything was getting ruined, mattress, her clothes etc.

I really didnt know what to do, so I checked out online the options, and I bumped in to a website depends for women its called, and they had all different kinds of solutions to protect the bed..... (I knew about this company because of some prev issues with my self after birth) the reviews were fantastic so I ordered one pack called Depend® for Women Underwear
with FIT-FLEX™ Protection, http://www.depend.com/womens-s.....9558, and I also called to consult with her therapist if I should do it, she said well this is a great idea to avoid mess and embarrassing but my daughter might refuse to wear it, so I should be gentle.

anyway, 2 days later I got the pack and it looked like reg undies but an absorbing type, but ya know.....its still kinda uhm..baby'ish, but I knew I have no other choice,

so that night I asked her to come to my room before bed, and we had a talk about the whole bedwetting issue, and I saw that shes also very frustrated with the every morning mess, so thats when I told her that I got a solution for her, she gave me that look, like is it what I think it is....?? but I didnt let her think a lot..I showed her the pack I bought, she was blushing, she was pretty embarrassed, she told me shes to old for that, its not for her age blah blah....so we talked and talked, I explained her that its only for overnight, no one would know, and its not even a diaper, it doesn't even look like one....bottom line after a long talk she agreed to it.

so I ordered a few more packs, and was hoping for the best...like a week later I noticed her sheets are stained again, so I asked her what happened, she told me she wears it every night, but sometimes it leaks, so I called up the company to ask why it leaks, and they explained me that this is more for during the day, (elderly people) not for overnight, for overnight they have another product, without hesitation I ordered the overnight one, and I told my daughter not to worry because this was just not the right product, so a few days later I got the new one and little did I know what I ordered, I called my dd before bed to give her the new one, and I opened it up to see what its like, and gosh my dd flipped out, it was a regular diaper, like with straps on the side, not 1, nor 3 on each side, looked so bad, oh! and to makes things worse it comes with wetness indicator...whatever something really embarrassing for her,

BUT what do I do now? she of course refused to wear it and I dont blamer her, (but it bothers me) now we are back to square 1, bed is wet laundry and all...im upset on the situation, and shes upset too, should I try again with the diaper idea, should I try to convince her? dont even know how.....

Please advise asap!

Thanks

Maybe she could just wear maxi pads in the night? It's a grown up version and might reduce the mess if not prevent it completely.

Rubber Ducky

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 8:57 am

st1000 wrote:

Op here

So you think that wearing a diaper to bed is a good idea? In this situation.

I think I'd follow the therapist's advice.

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 9:07 am

amother wrote:

My son was on-and-off bedwetting well past the age you'd think normal. We went to top urologists. We tried meds (he had a scary side effect- a major crazy depression with suicide ideation which stopped as soon as we stopped the meds, apparently this is a rare side effect and the only documentation I found at the time was in older men taking the drug post prostate removal, I'm just putting it out there not to worry anyone but so that if its going on with someone elses kid they can recognize it more quickly than I did). We tried everything. Then some one told me about a theory regarding male puberty and myelanization (sp?) supposedly there are those who believe that full mylenization of the spinal cord is not complete until a boy reaches puberty and sometimes that means that the lower part (that controls bladder control) is still iffy until then. BH our son's problem gradually went away as he matured. Maybe its coincidence, I dont know. But I'm saying this to give you some hope.
this is different from OP's dd because its off and on, not a sudden change.

Rubber Ducky

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 9:11 am

You can also try lining the bed with a pad like this:washable bed pads

and/or using chucks: chucks

And I'd get a waterproof mattress cover.

And maybe she can restrict fluids after dinnertime.

Between my elderly mom and various former foster children, I know way too much about this subject...

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 9:17 am

I also had an older child bedwetting. None of the medications worked well and we also had side effects. My child stripps their bed in the AM and puts all wet stuff in the washing machine for me. Child uses an easy to wash blanket (not a down quilt) and I have a plastic sheet over the waterproof mattress pad. Then, on top of the sheet I have a waterproof pad (like the kind I used to use in the baby's crib) and another sheet so if it happens in the middle of the night, child only has to remove the sheet and pad and the bed is already made. I keep extra blankets in the room.
I don't know why your stuff is getting ruined, OP. Protect the mattress and everything else is washable. Put your child in control, she can strip the bed and leave it all in a basket for you if the washer is not conveniently located. I don't know why there needs to be any uncomfortable conversations about this. If she was suddenly off balance and falling alot, it wouldnt be a matter of shame, this should be no different between the two of you. She's bedwetting, it will eventually stop, this is how we deal with it until it does. Its alot of laundry for you (and worry too) but its not forever. Just do the work and try to convey a relaxed attitude about it.

st1000

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 9:50 am

Rubber Ducky wrote:

I think I'd follow the therapist's advice.

OP here
Was thinking so to, but how?

st1000

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 9:53 am

amother wrote:

You are right, the mattress can be protected, but nothing else and by washing everyday things get ruined, plus it's a mess, and its a hygiene issue to sleep with urine all over her at night.

And the fact that she's embarressed about it is very understanding. I mean we talk about it, but she doesn't want me to wake her, and to control her fluids in the evening etc.

Rubber Ducky

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 10:42 am

st1000 wrote:

Re the bolded... around here we call the result of that "natural consequences."

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 12:21 pm

I'd like to tell you my story, and I how stopped wetting my bed in the fifth grade. I know this is different from your DD's story, and DD's problems, but I think it has value in some way.

For a gazillion reasons I wet my bed till I was ten. Exact problems not worth getting into, but mostly strongly abandonment situations and my parents never taking my feelings into account when any decisions about me had to be made. I had no control of anything. We tried all the known solutions, they didn't work, and my parents made me see a psychiatrist they knew. I hated him, truly hated him. I didn't want to go see him and each time I went I'd sit there and barely speak. For a year. I specifically hated that he used the term "wet the bed", as opposed to "wet your bed/wet my bed".

One day I decided was never going back, and I told him this. The first time I really spoke in his office. He called my parents, they went in and freaked out by what he said: "I promise you that if she gets her way and doesn't want to come here anymore she will stop wetting the bed within 2-3 weeks." (I was not told this, just told that I didn't have to go back.) They didn't want to try it, but did. And it worked. I never wet my bed again.

I'm sharing my story, even though it's different circumstances, because I had no control over my life at all (they chose my clothes, they chose my lessons, etc., and really big stuff over any objection I made.). I had no control, and then they gave me control. It worked.

OP, I know you are frustrated and your daughter is humiliated and you feel there's no end in sight. There is. I think you need to make her more responsible for what happens--kindly tell her she has to wash the linens every day, for example. Find a way to give her this responsibility without too much blame. (You're too tired/sick/etc for one day, then the next day, etc.)

She lost a friend, not easy at any age, and she's grieving. She has no control, please give her some.

I hope you don't feel I've hijacked with my story, I just wanted to share my experience and let you know why I (not a shrink, just a person who had a problem) was wetting my bed. And why it stopped.

Hatzlacha.

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 2:05 pm

New amother here. I had this suddenly in my 20s. After I was married. It was, as you can imagine, mortifying. My doctor said to try and not hold in pee during the day so much, just to go when you need to and not hold it in for hours. I realized then I was doing that, holding it in for hours at a time. When I concsiously stopped and started peeing more during the day, this problem went away. I guess the idea is that your bladder gets messed up if you wait until it is really really full before peeing.

Hope this can help!

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 2:25 pm

I am so sorry for your daughter.
Does she understand it's temporary?

I think the heavy duty sanitary pad in the day time depends underwear is a terrific option.

My sister and mother had a tumultuous relationship and she wet her bed up until she got married on and off.

After she moved out she never ever wet again.

Anxiety and stress takes a physical and emotional toll on the body.

May Hashem grant your daughter a year of peace and serenity and may she return to her happy former self quickly.