Getting the truth out of young children.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Oct 12 2014, 10:26 pm

In preschool and kindergarten, lots of things new are happening to your DC, and they don't always have the language to tell you what's going on.

When DD was in kindergarten, I would ask her how school was and she would always say "fine", yet was afraid to go back the next day. She started showing signs of anxiety, with vague stomach aches and headaches that would disappear the second I said she could stay home from school.

I finally hit upon a way to get her to talk to me, and I want to share in case it can help anyone else.

Wait until your child is in a relaxed mood. With DD, it was during out bedtime tucking in and snuggling.

First I would ask her "What's the best thing that happened today? What was good?" Then I'd listen patiently.

Next, I'd ask her "What was the worst thing that happened today, that you didn't like?" This part is crucial. Really pay attention here.

Discuss a strategy where you can help solve the problem and let her know that you heard the problem, and that you will look into it. Don't make promises, because some things may be out of your control. (Dovi looked at me funny!)

Finish off with going back to what was good, and talk about all the good things that happen at school. Once your child feels safe that you're going to help, and has refocused on good things, then it will be time for Shema and a kiss.

Follow up ASAP! The sooner you address whatever is bothering your child, the sooner you'll both be much happier and calmer.

Do this routine every night, and your child will look forward to spending time with you, knowing that they have your full attention. It's not only a great way to see inside their world, but a wonderful bonding experience, too.