Does this plan make sense? Suggestions please

miami85

Sun, Oct 19 2014, 6:00 pm

We've had a campaign to get our kids almost-4 and almost 2.5 to sleep in THEIR beds ALL night--and that would be that they would earn a hot wheels car in the morning. We're into our 3rd 20-car pack and have had ups and downs with each kid--sometimes one is more compliant than the other, though the ikkar child has been the older one, they both have been motivated by the prize in the morning. We've accumulated quite a bunch of cars (some have gotten lost or left behind at other people's homes). I'm thinking that once we finish this pack of cars, they should try to earn a bigger prize--like a case for the cars or a track. But considering that each car is less than $1 and the cases/tracks are like $20, how do I keep them motivated without the "instant gratification". I think the older kid could work with like a sticker chart, but what about the younger one? Should we just get another pack of cars until they are being more consistent with the "target behavior"? Can someone come up with a more moderate prize that can be earned within a week (no more than $5-$7).

OutATowner

Sun, Oct 19 2014, 7:46 pm

You're right that a sticker chart probably wont work for the younger one, and you don't want to raise the expectations too much. What about this- you tell them that you arejso proud that they have been staying int their bed etc and then say that if they do get out of their bed they have to give back a car.
When they have x amount of cars they can get a track or something and you make a big deal about them reaching a new milestone. Hurray.
Then no more prizes or it will never end.
Hatzlacha!

MaBelleVie

Sun, Oct 19 2014, 8:48 pm

If they aren't consistent yet they may just not be ready. Especially the younger one- he is young enough that developmentally he will still want to be quite attached to you. If he isn't spending a lot of daytime hours with you, he will seek it out at night.

I would never take something away from a child as a consequence for going into parents room at night. That's way too harsh imo .

black sheep

Sun, Oct 19 2014, 10:25 pm

forget the prizes.
at 2.5 I would cuddle with him when he comes into your bed.
at 4, or sometime around then, I make a "special bed" next to mine, on the floor, made of pillows and a small blanket. they still need the comfort of being near you in the middle of the night, but you are about to kill someone if you don't get a full night sleep after four years already! my kids know how to make their own "special bed" by three or four years old. I don't even notice it until I wake up in the morning and see them there. no one's sleep is disturbed, and they get the comfort of being next to mommy.
eventually they all outgrow it and start sleeping the night in their own beds. the boys earlier than the girls, I am noticing....

bnm

Sun, Oct 19 2014, 10:44 pm

black sheep wrote:

doesn't work here. only mommy's bed stealing mommy's pillow. some mornings I wake up surprised to find him in my husband's bed.

EsaEinai

Sun, Oct 19 2014, 11:28 pm

My daughter who is 4.5 has been coming into my bed at night since she could walk. When I was expecting (2 yrs ago) I told her she can't come in my bed... But tatty didn't mind! 2 years later, tatty minds!! A lot!! No one can get a wink of sleep with this yummy cuddly dd in our bed. I tried offering prizes every morning if she would sleep in her own bed, but it was hard for her to break the habit of waking up and coming straight into my room. So we started a new system that bh has had incredible success. I lock my door at night. Taped to the outside of my door is a chart and a pack of stickers. Every time she wakes up at night- to use the bathroom or just to connect with mommy and tatty-instead of waking us, she puts a sticker on her own chart. This way she still feels connected to us at night, and in the morning we are so proud of her knowing she came out of her bed but didn't wake us up and returned to her own bed. Now that she had bh gotten very consistent, I'm offering a bigger prize at the end of the week. Trying this too early can have negative results on the desired behavior. If you want kids to warm a bigger prize at the end of the week, you may want to give a cheap "token prize" after each desired behavior ie a cheap sticker or stamp or eraser, and explain that by the end of the week they can earn the case etx.

Hatzlacha with all if this- it may seem unbearable now but one day (soon iyh!) they'll sleep in their own beds for the whole night and you'll have the whole night to sleep undisturbed. This will pass!!

imasinger

Mon, Oct 20 2014, 4:36 am

It sounds to me like the incentive plan has been working pretty well.

Not every parent does right to let a 2.5 year old in at night. Some of us get so sleep deprived from it that we are crabby all day, and the child is better served by being trained to stay in bed.

My suggestion is to try the sticker chart and big prize for the older one, and keep the little cars for the younger.

My hunch is that after a week max, the younger will be demanding a sticker chart and big prize, too, and after seeing how it works, will be able to do it. You could always offer a choice after a successful night -- he picks car OR sticker on the chart.

musicmom

Mon, Oct 20 2014, 7:10 am

I have a 4 and 1.5 year old that do not like to sleep alone, so they share a bed. This is easier because they are both the same relations, but I don't think it matters at this age. Sometimes they stay up talking or reading to one another, even if they other one is asleep. Sometimes they cuddle. This situation has been working out well for us.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Oct 20 2014, 10:15 am

EsaEinai wrote:

I love this idea! I will try this with my six year old. I am going crazy already!

miami85

Mon, Oct 20 2014, 8:42 pm

Thanks for all the input.

I wouldn't necessarily mind if it was one child, but with both of them it gets too crowded (even with our beds pushed together). Especially I'm expecting bs"t, and don't want them to be in the habit of barging into my bed if someone a lot smaller and delicate is there. Or they take over my bed and body pillow so that I can't get comfortable, and I have a crazy schedule and need my sleep. I can't exactly go to their beds, b/c they have toddler beds--I wouldn't fit and our couch isn't THAT comfortable.

We have tried setting up a makeshift bed on the floor, but it didn't yield encouraging results.

My main hesitation about the sticker chart is that I don't think my kids are totally lucid when they come in so it would be hard to train them to put stickers on, also I have a shoe bag on the outside of my door (only place to put it)

EsaEinai

Mon, Oct 20 2014, 9:48 pm

My daughter was also barely coherent when we started this. She would practically sleep walk into my room and throw the worlds greatest tantrum when we tried to return her to her bed, thereby waking up all of her siblings. This chart (which I didn't think would work as well as it did) helps her stay conscious enough to break the routine of barging into my room. She is very motivated by doing the right thing and by earning prizes. Bh.

You can hang a chart on the wall near your room, or on shabbos we put a small box with a few small toys and she takes one out and puts it in front of my door. She learns self control and we have a reminder in the morning of how hard she worked at night to overcome her desire to come into our room.

With regards to your original question- we were on day 2 of a 7 day chart to earn a bigger prize (dolls) for my girls and they both opted for a small prize (that they probably already lost) instead. It's hard to make the leap from daily reinforcement to saving up for a bigger prize. Let us know what you decide to do and how it works out!