Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children
Neighbors kids don't shave, so?! I care about this instead!



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother


 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 9:05 am
While I do not think that this constitutes abuse which is why I wouldn't call CPS, I think that my neighbors are just ignorant about child rearing and not interesting in putting forth the necessary effort and being consistent at their own expense. They have a system with their kids that they get prizes if they can go 2 weeks with getting a certain amount of stickers for behaviors they are working on. So for one kid it's kicking, another it's chutzpah, and so on and so forth. If they fail then they get a sad face sticker and if they get a certain number of sad faces in a 2 week time period then their kids get a slap with a belt. If you want to hit your kid with a belt in a non abusive manner that's your prerogative, just it doesn't make sense in a chart system and it is disturbing to me, although I think that the parent doesn't want to hit her kid so she tries to choose behaviors that they wont get so many sad face stickers for. Still you don't put a negative up on a sticker. I'm almost vomiting over this. What would you do? Would you buy them a parenting book and secretly drop it off in their mailbox with a note so you don't have a to do a good/bad sticker chart? I'm not the only neighbor that knows about it and I'm probably more liberal when it comes to tolerating spanking so I doubt they'd suspect me.
Any Advice?
If you are my neighbor and know about this does it bother you too?
Back to top

nyer1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 9:08 am
if you think the kids are being abused, call CPS.
if not, stay out of it. while I agree with you that it's not the most effective way to parent one's children, no one appreciates free advice. mind your business.
Back to top

causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 9:10 am
slapping with a belt?

sad face stickers for bad behavior?

maybe not full blown child abuse but it is very bad parenting....
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 9:11 am
Sad faces are classics.

I wouldn't "materialize" a slap or wtv on a sticker.
Back to top

LittleDucky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 9:34 am
What state do you live in? Slapping with a belt could by definition be abuse. "Ok hits" in many states must be: Open hand (not a fist), no object in a hand, and it can't leave a mark. Some states have more requirements to be "ok", meaning it's harder to be legal.
If you are concerned about it-call CPS. They don't just take kids from their home. Parents might need to take parenting courses, go to counseling etc.
the fact that it's on a chart makes it scarier for me, IDK.
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 9:40 am
I'd want to throw up, too.

If you have enough of a connection, you could try going to her all excited: "I read this book and it was soo helpful to me, I just want to share it with everyone! I am lending it out; you want a turn next week?"
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 9:41 am
LittleDucky wrote:
the fact that it's on a chart makes it scarier for me, IDK.

This is my exact issue.

Ruchel wrote:
Sad faces are classics.

Could you please explain what this means?
Back to top

LittleDucky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 9:59 am
amother wrote:
Could you please explain what this means?

The way I understood it it means that parents all over use faces to help express disappointment etc. if I got a mitzvah note, I'd get a smiley face. If it was detention slip, when signing it there would be a sad face by a parent. It helps kids understand emotions and feelings.
Back to top

Ilana Tamar




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 10:39 am
The concept of x amount of sad faces = a penalty, doesn't bother me.

The fact that the penalty is a slap with a strap makes my insides churn.
Back to top

Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 10:46 am
Ilana Tamar wrote:
The concept of x amount of sad faces = a penalty, doesn't bother me.

The fact that the penalty is a slap with a strap makes my insides churn.


This.

Personally, it wouldn't be my style to put a sad face on a chart. I'd just withhold the Smile.

The thought of a child anticipating that slap as the Sad add up makes me want to Puke.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 11:09 am
Chayalle wrote:
The thought of a child anticipating that slap as the Sad add up makes me want to Puke.


Right. It's kind of like the, "Just wait until your father gets home" version of a chart. I once heard that according to halacha you're not allowed to do such a thing for the child could be so scared he would take his own life ch'v. I guess that doesn't apply to small children though.
Back to top

pickle321




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 11:13 am
this gives me the chills, these poor kids. if I was one of those kids id be living in terror and probably wetting my bed every night. I had a teacher in elementary school who told us that she remembers a teacher that wouldnt put checks on test papers, just big red Xs for wrong answers, and because of that she only put checks on tests when she became a teacher. similar idea, the point of a chart is to reward and acknowledge good behavior, it shouldnt be used for punishment, poor children. the punishment should be that they dont earn a prize if they didnt get the right amount of stickers
Back to top

causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 21 2014, 11:15 am
I am still cringing from this thread.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Some kids don’t thrive in a school setting 18 Today at 1:55 pm View last post
I love frum fashion for kids
by amother
142 Today at 1:36 pm View last post
Are all kids like this??
by amother
4 Today at 11:49 am View last post
Belati Kids
by amother
0 Today at 8:05 am View last post
Saying no to kids for selfish reasons
by amother
47 Today at 4:37 am View last post