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Need chizuk



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amother


 

Post Sat, Oct 25 2014, 10:41 pm
I have 2 delicious kids. One's 19 months and the other is 5 months. I'm working part-time for the first time since I'm married yet somehow I'm more overwhelmed than I've ever been. I'm pretty well planned out in my mind in terms of cooking, cleaning, preparing for work but I just don't have second in my day to get these things done! My days are whirlwinds of activity with no breaks because I have 2 babies who really need full time attention...when I have a few minutes of down time I want to relax, not start knocking things of my to do list! I guess I'm mainly liking hoping for validation and empathy...although some practical advise couldn't hurt Smile
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magenta




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 26 2014, 12:08 am
Two kids under two is hard work, any way you put it. It will get easier with time.
What I find as a good motivator is promising myself time alone when the kids are in bed. Half hour on the computer, or a magazine on the couch anything that's just for me, WHEN everything is done.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Oct 26 2014, 12:30 am
This feeling is 100% normal for the mother of a very young family. There's no way of getting around that time crunch, but there are things you can do to make things a bit easier. First, do an internet search or read a book on "time management". You won't be able to use everything they offer but you're bound to find a few ideas that work for you. Among the idea that helped me:

Do only what must be done to stay healthy, be legal, and fulfill your religious obligations and that's it.
Forget elaborate meals, company, ironing baby clothes. When the pediatrician told me a weekly bath is enough for a baby provided the face and bottom were kept clean, I gave the baby a bath once a week. I rarely cooked except for shabbos, serving mostly fresh veggies, bread, minimal-prep foods like canned fish, pasta, and cheese, and fruit. Forget davening three times a day. Find the shortest davening and do that, and really you can get away with just saying one bakasha a day, in your own words, and you can do that any old time, even during your commute.

You can waste a lot of time moving and caring for possessions. Cut down on the number you have around. Stuff you don't use regularly should be gotten rid of or at least or stored out of the way. It usually takes less time to have fewer clothes and wash them more often if you do your own laundry, while the opposite is true if you take your things to the cleaners. If money isn't an issue, pay others to do things you have no time for. It's not morally wrong to have a cleaning person or bring your linens to a professional laundry.

Love your freezer. Cook double and freeze half of it. Make big pots of soup that can last a whole week or more. Prep and freeze frequently-used ingredients like chopped carrots, sauteed onions, and celery so they're ready when you are. Cooking for Shabbos on Friday may be tastier, but it's a working mother's nightmare. Much better to cook a little all week and freeze. Make kugel on Monday, chicken on Tuesday, soup on Wednesday, salads on Thursday night and your Friday will be much more serene. Or order takeout if money is no object.

recruit your dh. He's part of the household, too, and he has to pull his weight. Make sure you never say he's "babysitting' when he takes care of the kids. He's not babysitting but being a parent, nor is he "helping" you or doing you a favor. He's doing his part as half the adults in the household. Draft your kids from an early age, too. by the time a kid is 2 he should be able to do simple tasks like put his clothes in a hamper or laundry basket and put his toys in a bin. It will take five times as long as it would take you, but the future payback will be tremendous.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 26 2014, 3:10 am
Focus on your kids as much as you can, then take care to give yourself down time, and of course give your DH attention.

Organize yourself to do the most minimal things necessary to keep your home running smoothly.

Oh, and don't expect perfection in any area.
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:) :)




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 26 2014, 4:44 am
You are doing great! Your kids are at difficult stages where they both need full time attention. It will get easier be'H! If you can hire a young girl you know to help you watch the kids whilst you are in the house. She does not have to be older than 11, they are happy to play with your kids for not so much money and meanwhile you can get on with cooking, cleaning etc. Then by the time the kids go to sleep you will hopefully have less chores to do and have some time just for yourself to relax Smile
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Dev80




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 26 2014, 5:22 am
Oh I hear you loud and clear! I can relate on so many levels!!!

The above advice is great, such as hiring a young girl to watch the kids while you are home (I've paid a 10 year old 10 shekels an hour...) and as chani8 said (drumroll) FORGET PERFECTION!!! You are kind of in survival mode even if you don't realize it Smile But you sound like you're doing great so far and have the right priorities.

Even though it seems like there is no time in the day (there isn't) a technique I've been trying and it helps is to set a 15 minute timer let's say in the evening and just pick a spot to focus on, be it folding laundry, cleaning up toys, dishes, etc. You'll see you can get a lot done in a 15 minute focused time slot! Also now that motzei shabbos is getting longer, can you use that as a key time to get the house back together to start the week clean (even if by Monday it'll be messed up....). I try to use motzei shabbos as my time to fold a weeks worth of a laundry if I haven't gotten to it until then, and to do the dishes from shabbos. If even those two things get done I feel accomplished.

Good luck!!
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Shopmiami49




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 26 2014, 5:39 am
Wow...btdt...lots of hugs and chizzuk to you!!

Do your babies naps coincide? If they do, it's a bonus for you - another slot of time for you to maximize.

I wholeheartedly agree with love your freezer - it's the best. I often picked one night every couple of weeks and spent a few hours cooking and freezing to restock. That goes for soups, chicken, sides, kugels, cooked salads/dips, cakes, and cookies. I also very often use my crockpot - you can freeze a meal ready to stick in the pot in one of those crockpot bags and just plop it in straight out of the feezer first thing in the morning. Or if you don't like that, you can prepare it the night before and stick it in the crockpot in the morning. There are a few threads here about crockpot dinners that I have found extremely helpful and google has great ideas as well.

Another thing that literally saved me during those hectic times (my third was born before oldest turned 2) was that when I started getting very overwhelmed with things to do around the house and taking care of the kids, I just got up and left with them. Literally. I stuck them in the stroller and went for a walk or to the park or wherever. Just a breath of fresh air. Sometimes we would be out for no more than 10 minutes, but it was perfect. I would always keep (and still do) diapers, a pack of wipes, change of clothing, bottle, pacifier, etc. underneath the stroller so I would never even have to think about it.

These times are tough but oh so worth it! One day, you'll look back and really cherish the memories of your two little babies - they grow up so quickly! I'm sounding like a Bubby - my oldest is turning 7 this year, but sometimes I just look at my first three and I just can't believe how big they've gotten and what a bracha it is to have built in playmates - B"H!!!!
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amother


 

Post Sun, Oct 26 2014, 7:36 am
Thanks to everyone! Just what I needed :-) I'm going to try out some of the ideas mentioned. Thanks again!
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