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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Open Mouth... Insert Foot. S/O of Outrageous things ppl said
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 29 2014, 12:02 pm
Have you ever said anything really tactless and then realized it a second too late? Do share.

Mine - not so bad, but it was awkward

For some odd reason, we were having a discussion of Yiddish vs. Hebrew names and names in families. It was shabbos , and we had a few bochurim over, friends of DH.

I was saying that I will never give a certain name in DH's family, despite all the pressure to give it. (Let's say it's Gertrude, but yiddish version) I said something like "I believe in honoring family by giving family names, and I'll stretch a lot - but Gertrude is already pushing it. It sounds ugly and would make my kid sound like a crotchety old lady.

Two seconds later, husband turns to one of the bochurim and says "I never actually said mazel tov. Who's your kallah?"
Chosson looks at me uncomfortably and says "Gertrude X"
embarrassed

I got up rapidly to serve dessert.........
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ms5771




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 29 2014, 12:06 pm
HAHAHAHA Thanks for sharing!
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 29 2014, 1:20 pm
Oy.

I have a couple of stories, but they involve other people so I don't feel comfortable sharing them under my screen name and amother is disabled in this forum.
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theoneandonly




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 29 2014, 3:00 pm
Sitting by a shabbos meal where the hostess is very overweight, skinny DH starts talking about how he gained a few pounds after his wedding and has to go on a diet

I was talking to someone about a novel I wasn't so interested because "oh all she wanted was a baby" and a second after I said it I remembered the woman I was talking to was married for a few years with no children

I have way more, I'm so clueless and accidentally tactless sometimes but I cant think of them right now
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 29 2014, 3:41 pm
You know, because I've had my share of foot-in-mouth comments that were not meant to come out that way but did, I'm able (I think) to be a bit more forgiving when I'm the recipient of that comment. I know that people don't mean to be unkind, and it helps me be Dan L'Kaf Z'chus.

I think one of my biggest challenges has always been what to say in a tough situation. I've come away from a few Shiva calls where I felt I should've kept my mouth shut. So you know what? That's my new policy and it seems to work quite well. When I must find myself in such a situation I just sit and listen, and though I'm not the one that said that brilliant comforting line, it's far better than saying the wrong thing.
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doublemama




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 29 2014, 3:44 pm
As a teenager I was sitting with a family member whose father just died and we were telling each other various stories to keep her mind off of what was at hand. I was telling her about some thing that happened in school and I ended it with 'I was so embarrassed I almost died!'. Whoops
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 29 2014, 3:47 pm
To dentist, before a root canal: "Have you done this before?"

He got all sarcastic, for some reason LOL
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Fave




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 29 2014, 5:23 pm
When a mutual acquaintance passed away, my DH told my grandmother that the death was not so tragic since the niftar was already 87 and this is the course of life.
My grandmother is in her high eighties...... embarrassed
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 29 2014, 6:19 pm
Fave wrote:
When a mutual acquaintance passed away, my DH told my grandmother that the death was not so tragic since the niftar was already 87 and this is the course of life.
My grandmother is in her high eighties...... embarrassed

OUCH. Rolling Laughter
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amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 29 2014, 9:15 pm
On the first day of school, I (a teacher) pronounced a child's name using a different accent/pronunciation than the child was accustomed to. She didn't correct me, so I assumed is was fine. Her friend piped up and corrected me, and I said, "oh, it's the same thing." I can't believe I said that.
Afterwards, I apologized to the student, and asked how she prefers to be called. I never made that mistake again. Now I always ask children on the first day what they prefer to be called.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Oct 29 2014, 9:18 pm
I have ADHD. Every day is another foot-in-the-mouth horror story. If I would start listing them I would want to die. embarrassed
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Bitachon101




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 29 2014, 10:09 pm
Girl I met told me terrible story that happened to her dad when he was in hospital once and and it was a nes he came out of it alive.
I was totally being sympathetic and said wow BH he is alive.
She answered me that actually he died seven years earlier.
Ouch.
Foot in mouth.
I was so shocked I fell off my chair and she was trying to make me not feel bad instead of vice versa..
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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 5:53 am
I have a cousin from OOT who got into some trouble with alcohol as a teenager. His parents ended up sending him to a rehab facility not too far out of NY because there weren't any Jewish facilities near where they lived. My parents visited and checked up on him, and eventually they were allowed to check him out briefly to have dinner with us occasionally.

One time we went out to dinner at a local restaurant. My younger brother was showing us his new student ID issued by his high school. We noticed that they got his birth year wrong such that he appeared a year older. I made a joke about him not needing a fake ID to get alcohol when he got to college. Then I saw my cousin's face and felt lower than dirt. I didn't want to say anything to make it worse than it already was. I think someone changed the topic and we moved on, but I've felt bad about it for years. B"H my cousin is now a responsible adult, married with children and a job and doing well.
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 5:59 am
amother wrote:
I have a cousin from OOT who got into some trouble with alcohol as a teenager. His parents ended up sending him to a rehab facility not too far out of NY because there weren't any Jewish facilities near where they lived. My parents visited and checked up on him, and eventually they were allowed to check him out briefly to have dinner with us occasionally.

One time we went out to dinner at a local restaurant. My younger brother was showing us his new student ID issued by his high school. We noticed that they got his birth year wrong such that he appeared a year older. I made a joke about him not needing a fake ID to get alcohol when he got to college. Then I saw my cousin's face and felt lower than dirt. I didn't want to say anything to make it worse than it already was. I think someone changed the topic and we moved on, but I've felt bad about it for years. B"H my cousin is now a responsible adult, married with children and a job and doing well.


You probably could revisit the story one day - send a gift or a chocolate platter and say "Many years ago, I was inadvertently tactless to you and I've been feeling bad ever since..." He may not remember, but everyone likes chocolate!
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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 6:29 am
I have a good friend who lost her mother as a teenager. One time, my husband and I were debating whether to move, and one of the major cons was that moving would mean being far from my mother who is so so incredibly helpful with the kids. So I was venting to my friend (who was not yet married at the time) about the back and forth, and I mentioned the mom factor, which is bad enough on its own, but it got worse before I realized it, I actually said- kids are hard. I know lots of people live far from their parents and manage, but t must e so hard, I can't imagine not having my mom's help... She didn't say anything, but she raised an eyebrow and I realized. I wished the ground would swallow me up in that moment embarrassed
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 6:32 am
I had been sick, so was DS, and I had had VERY little sleep the night before DD told me she was pregnant with her second. I was worried about her health because of the problems she had in pregnancy with her first, and was trying to ask if she felt she had good medical support, given her background.

But what actually came out of my mouth was, "was it planned?" embarrassed

I apologized and explained a minute later, and no harm done, but oh, the taste of that foot!
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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 7:51 am
Circa spring 2002.

We were at the playground, and I had a big bag of popcorn for snacks. A child I didn't know asked me if she could have some. I told her it was OK with me, but she needed to ask her mother or father first. "Well, my daddy died when the buildings fell, but I can ask my mommy."
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mirror




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 8:15 am
amother wrote:
Circa spring 2002.

We were at the playground, and I had a big bag of popcorn for snacks. A child I didn't know asked me if she could have some. I told her it was OK with me, but she needed to ask her mother or father first. "Well, my daddy died when the buildings fell, but I can ask my mommy."


Pale
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 10:02 am
amother wrote:
Circa spring 2002.

We were at the playground, and I had a big bag of popcorn for snacks. A child I didn't know asked me if she could have some. I told her it was OK with me, but she needed to ask her mother or father first. "Well, my daddy died when the buildings fell, but I can ask my mommy."

Reminds me when I was in camp, and saw a little boy of about eight running around in his shabbos clothes getting all dirty. I asked him if his mother lets him run around and get dirty like this. "I don't have a mommy, she was niftar this year".
Turns out he was staying with his aunt, who was camp mother. Poor little boy.
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dimyona




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 11:13 am
My husband works with teenagers, and just this shabbos we had a whole bunch of high school boys over at our house. As I was introducing myself and learning their names, I noticed a little pip squeak who seemed to be around fourth grade age. As I got to him, I asked "who's lucky little brother are you?". He responds, "Actually, I'm a freshman." I immediately apologized but felt like sinking through the floor. I still feel terrible about it.
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