diamonds are a girl's best friend ...

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 12:31 am

Woah! Clarification: I did not mean that I have a mental checklist that I go through when I see someone... sheitel, check. Engagement ring... HMMM. Not at all. I am a pretty observant person though, and I would probably notice and think it's strange.

And zaq, you're right. There are many explanations for someone who wouldn't be wearing a ring. Sorry I came out sounding so intense.

Gosh. All I meant to say is that in normal situations, a married woman has an engagement ring... If it came out wrong, forget it.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 12:36 am

kb wrote:

But dont you get it? There is no NORMAL. Every woman decides on her own what she will do. Gosh. I cover my hair. But I dont wear my wedding band OR my engagement ring.
Im very glad I dont live near you. You would assume I was divorced. Lovely.

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 12:47 am

Relax!!! I take it back. Never thought my comment would make such fireworks!

Next time I see someone covering her hair but without rings, I will know that she can very well be married and that there are people who don't wear their wedding rings even when they're married.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 12:55 am

proudmother1 wrote:

C'mon girls. Chill. Shabbatiscoming - you for sure!
What is wrong with a bit of humor every now and then?

why me for sure?
and second of all, her post did not sound humorous. It sounded very naive.

proudmother1

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 1:03 am

proudmother1 wrote:

Just an idea. In the interest of a thorough investigation, you can peek into her handbag to see if she has bedikahs there.

But this didn't sound humorous to you either. Honestly, you need to get some rest.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 1:05 am

proudmother1 wrote:

But this didn't sound humorous to you either. Honestly, you need to get some rest.

????? rest? Its 8:04 where I live.
NO, sometimes posts sound extremely naive, thats all. Not funny at all, but extremely sheltered.

ANd I still want to know why you say to me for sure I should chill? why me?

proudmother1

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 1:08 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

OK, win.

It's night where I live and I'll go get some rest myself.

Conquer the day.

proudmother1

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 1:17 am

OK, I'll tell you why. Because I don't want you to be aggravated.

Because my comment about peeking into the handbag was purely humorous. The last thing I expected was for anyone to take it seriously. Especially, so seriously.

Its OK. We don't have to agree.

I don't always get everyones joke either.

DrMom

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 3:39 am

zaq wrote:

The diamond engagement ring is, like the white wedding gown, neither a halacha nor a custom of Jewish origin, and some halachic authorities deplore it because it can involve halachic difficulties if the match breaks off G-d forbid. If a kallah does not want one, there is no reason for her to have one. Better she should get something she will enjoy and treasure than a rock she will leave in a drawer and possibly even resent. If what she really wants is a Harley or a Humvee or a horse, that's what she should get.

^^^THIS^^^

Why would anyone insist on giving someone a gift she doesn't want? Let alone a very expensive gift?

As for all the people who say "but then people will think her fiancée is cheap" "maybe people will think she broke her engagement" "people will think she's divorced": I am sorry to hear that you are surrounded by such nosy, intrusive, ring-finger inspecting people. Don't let them run your life.

Imogen

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 3:41 am

Mazeltov Greenfire!!

So agree with your dd, she sounds a lovely interesting individual, the chattan is lucky to have her, I believe strongly in vive le difference.

I also am not a fan of diamonds, probably due to being best friends at university with a girl from the Natal province of South Africa, it was way back in the 1980s and she had told us of the horrors miners went through in diamond mining.

My dss bought their kallahs diamond rings and I have always kept my big mouth shut as for many girls a diamond ring is something they have come to expect and relish, each to their own. As long as everything can be handled diplomatically, the kallah and chattan come first, social expectations are not really relevant unless they feel they have a role to play.

luppamom

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 8:36 am

It's good to have s/t of value that you can easily take off and slip into someone's hand (if you can read btw the lines). That's why my father told me I have to get a ring. Anyway, I am so happy that I have a nice ring, bracelet and necklace to wear to simchos and for Shabbos. Once you say you don't want it, you can't ask for it again after 5 yrs. or when you get sick of ppl wondering if you broke your engagement/marriage (can be the next story for that post about rude things ppl have said). It's not her $ and if she's already gave them a chance to opt out, then it's their business. It's a present!!! It's rude to complain about presents!!!!

Last edited by luppamom on Sat, Mar 28 2015, 6:29 pm; edited 1 time in total

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 8:48 am

luppamom wrote:

It's good to have s/t of value that you can easily take off and slip into someone's hand (if you can read btw the lines). That's why my father told me I have to get a ring. Only for me, the bracelet was more of an issue (I have tiny, tiny hands and bracelets look ridiculous), I would've preferred a necklace any day, but they got it for me at our engagement and I couldn't really talk about it before hand b/c we weren't officially engaged and that would sound like a huge hint before and once I was getting engaged, I decided not to make an issue. It's still huge (not really possible to take it in w/o detracting from the value). But, how often do I get nice jewelry now? I am so happy that I have a nice ring, bracelet and necklace to wear to simchos and for Shabbos. Once you say you don't want it, you can't ask for it again after 5 yrs. or when you get sick of ppl wondering if you broke your engagement/marriage (can be the next story for that post about rude things ppl have said). It's not her $ and if she's already gave them a chance to opt out, then it's their business. It's a present!!! It's rude to complain about presents!!!!

I know two different ladies who did not want engagement rings when they were engaged, but a few years later they did want that diamon look with the wedding band. And they did get it. There are no rules about this.

luppamom

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 9:34 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Definitely true! But with some families, once they're spending, they'll find a way to afford whatever expenses are involved for the engagement/wedding... could be they took a loan or they cashed in on an investment, whatever the case might be, but 5 yrs. later, they're busy marrying off another child or they're just living life and the money for the diamond ring for DIL is just not there. They could also forget making such a promise and the DIL could get very embarrassed asking.
Unless the in-laws specifically put away the money for her(or gave her the money to put away (a plus: this could result in some nice interest :-) and an even nicer diamond), I think it is much better to just get one from the beginning. I know people that didn't like theres and had it reset or made into a necklace down the line.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Nov 06 2014, 9:41 am

luppamom wrote:

or if the husband himself pays/paid for the ring.
my husband paid for the engaegment ring on his own, so it was not connected to his parents in any way.